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TITLE: "Circle of Comfort"
AUTHOR: Babygirl
PAIRING: John/D'Argo/Misc. Female
RATING: NC-17 graphic m/f/m three-some
SUMMARY: John struggles with the aftermath of being possessed and
finds comfort in his friends.
NOTES: This is the epilogue to my "Internal Affairs" series.
DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to Henson and the SciFi Channel,
and no copyright infringement is intended by my use of them. The
characters may not belong to me, but the story and my original character
does. Copyright 1999, Babygirl.
FEEDBACK: I would love some. lizlee@star.net

John Crichton sat on the terrace.

He was on the floor, leaning against the wall. An unopened bottle
of felip nectar and an untouched plate of food cubes sat next to
him.

Without thinking he brought his hand up and rubbed his chest. Zhaan
had been carefully treating the wounds and they were healing with
minimal scarring. It didn't hurt anymore, now it just itched.

It had been almost three weeks since the whole mess with the Vith.
He had spent two of those weeks just recovering. The Vith had worn
his body out more than anyone had guessed and he had spent most of
that time sleeping. It reminded him of a time back in high school
when he contracted mono; all he wanted to do was sleep. Except this
time it was a couple of days before he could even sit up on his own
and several more before he was strong enough to stand.

He didn't remember having the fever or being put in the tub of ice
water. He didn't remember kicking and screaming or being held down
and soaking D'Argo, Zhaan and Aeryn with water.

He did remember wanting to give up.

It was like coming through a dark fog into a moment of clarity. He
was so tired and wanted so much to die. He remembered the look on
D'Argo's face and he remembered what he said about having to believe
the Vith's word.

He couldn't let that happen and so he held on.

He hung on to his new life; he hung on to his lover but he also hung
onto his memories. The Vith had done some cruel things to his friends
and to D'Argo, all the while John experienced it as if he was the
one doing it. But he wasn't, he had no control. He could feel his
body, he could see and hear everything but he could do nothing to
make it obey him. That foul creature that shared his body, his mind,
his every thought, every feeling was the one calling the shots.

Resting his elbows on his knees he covered his face with his hands
as an onslaught of memories washed over him. Memories of raping Eilynn,
memories of murdering Breg and Meyla, memories of hurting D'Argo.
From the moment he woke up from his fever these memories stayed sharp
in his mind. The look on their faces was the worst part. That look
when they thought it was actually him doing those things.

"Oh, Jesus!" John moaned as he grit his teeth in an attempt to stop
the latest batch of tears that threatened to break free.

Now and then, for a little while he was able to forget what happened,
able to be distracted enough but as soon as it got quiet, as soon
as he had a moment to think, those memories would erupt back up to
the surface.

The memories were bad enough but then he would start to torture himself
with the "if onlys."

If only I had just accepted D'Argo's apology and left the cargo bay
with him. If only I had been paying attention and seen the Vith coming
at me. If only I had fought harder, tried harder. If only I had been
stronger.

If only I hadn't let everyone down.

Crichton stood up and stretched his back. He knew it was late in
the sleep cycle and hoped that everyone was in bed. It was easier
to avoid them that way. He was still too embarrassed to face everyone
and so avoided them whenever he could. Zhaan had tried to breach
the subject with him in the hopes of getting him to discuss his feelings,
but he just told her he was fine and left. Aeryn seemed uncomfortable
around him now; no doubt part of her believed what the Vith had told
her. He avoided Eilynn completely, in fact he had only seen her once
since he got better.

D'Argo was another story because D'Argo would not stand for being
avoided. He hated it, he wanted to be close to D'Argo, to be affectionate
with him but those memories and the shame stood like an impenetrable
force between them. He and D'Argo hadn't even kissed since he woke
up, but D'Argo was always there. Once the fever broke, John had slept
for days, waking up only now and then for an aarn or two before falling
back into slumber.

All the while D'Argo was there.

Every time he woke up, no matter how often, no matter what time,
D'Argo was there watching over him.

I should have fought harder, I should have been stronger. I failed
when D'Argo needed me most.

I don't deserve his love.

That thought brought on a new wave of tears. He didn't try to stop
it, just stood there and let them flow.

After a few minutes the tears stopped and he dried his face with
his sleeve. He felt drained, physically and emotionally. The terrace
was a bad place to be alone with his thoughts, he decided to go to
bed.

This was another thing he tried to avoid because the moment his recovery
started, so did the nightmares.

They came in many forms, dreams of drowning, dreams of choking, dreams
of being a giant marionette. Dreams of control being just out of
reach, of being helpless.

Sometimes he would wake up with his heart pounding so fast that he
feared it would bust out of his chest, or worse, stop, the way the
Vith had made it stop that one time. When that happened he didn't
know what was worse, the fear or the pain. He never lost consciousness,
even though he was "dead" for several seconds. He wasn't sure if
it was the beginning of one of those out-of-body things of if it
was just the Vith fucking with his mind. In those moments he could
see Aeryn and D'Argo looking down at him, he could see the frantic
look in their eyes.

John left the terrace and headed down the hall towards his quarters.
He tried to fill his mind with other things like baseball scores,
commercial jingles, quantum equations, his favorite TV shows, anything.

Anything to keep him from those memories.

"John?"

Crichton stopped and turned towards the familiar voice. He had hoped
he could get to his quarters without running into D'Argo but there
he was standing in the doorway to his cell. The Luxan was dressed
in his black sleeping clothes; the room behind him was dark. Crichton
guessed that D'Argo had been lying in bed waiting for him to pass
by.

"I figured you'd be asleep by now," said Crichton.

D'Argo gave him a concerned look. "I wanted to make sure you were
okay."

"I'm fine," Crichton forced a smile.

D'Argo walked up to him and caressed Johns damp cheek with the back
of his finger. "You're full of dren."

Crichton's eyes went from D'Argo's chest to the floor, to the wall
behind him, to the ceiling and back to D'Argo's chest. He just couldn't
look him in the face.

He leaned his head into D'Argo's caressing hand and lingered there
for a moment. "I just need some sleep, that's all."

"I've heard you try to sleep, I know you are having nightmares. You
always look so tired." D'Argo's voice was full of concern. "Please
let me help you."

Crichton looked up at D'Argo with sorrow filled eyes. "I let that
thing hurt you! I let that thing rape you! What right do I have to
be comforted by you?"

Before John could step away D'Argo grabbed him and pulled him into
a strong hug. "You are hurting and so I hurt. What right do you have
to deny us the comfort we both so desperately need?"

Crichton tucked his head into D'Argo's neck. It felt so good to be
close to his lover again, to feel the warmth of his body. "I never
thought of it like that," he whispered. "I must be the most selfish
bastard around."

"Hush," D'Argo whispered as he leaned down and took John's mouth
with his.

The kiss was like a cool drink of water after a scorching drought.
For a long time the two men were lost in each other, lost in the
tenderness that they had been deprived of. The kiss was familiar
and comforting yet it felt as if it was being experienced for the
first time.

John melted into D'Argo's embrace and wondered how he could have
allowed himself to hold back for so long. Breaking free he began
to softly kiss his way across D'Argo's face and down along his jaw.
He worked slowly to a spot on D'Argo's neck, just under his jaw line,
which was particularly sensitive.

John stopped when his eyes fell on that spot. The skin there had
once been soft and smooth but now there was a scar. It was a faint
mark only visible from very close up, a thin, slightly ragged line
in the shape of a half circle.

John stared at the scar for several moments. He knew how it had gotten
there; his own teeth had left the mark. Suddenly he was flooded with
the memory of that attack. The memory of feeling his teeth sink into
D'Argo's skin. The memory of hearing D'Argo gasp in pain as it happened.
The memory of not being able to stop it.

Pulling himself out of D'Argo's embrace he took several steps back.
"Oh god D'Argo, I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I can't.I'm so sorry, I just
can't."

With that he turned and hurried down the hall and into his cell leaving
D'Argo alone.

* * * * *

"Hi John."

Crichton looked up from the Farscape module. After another fitful
night of sleep he decided he needed to get productive. He had been
spending the morning removing the Frag cannon explosive cores from
his ship and storing them back in their yellow crate. He was so consumed
in his task that he didn't even hear Eilynn approach.

Now that he faced her he found his heart beating nervously in his
chest.

"Um...hi," he said looking at her hands, at the floor, just past
her shoulder, anywhere but at her face. He noticed the absence of
any kind of brace on her left wrist that he knew had been broken
only three weeks ago.

"I'm sorry I haven't come by to see you earlier," she sounded just
as nervous as he felt. "I've been wanting to see how you were doing?"

"I, uh. I'm okay," he stammered. "I see your wrist is all better.
If it were me I'd be in a cast for, uh. For a lot longer."

Eilynn held her wrist up. "Sumtaar heal pretty fast."

Crichton nodded uncomfortably as his eyes drifted down to her feet.

She took a few steps forward and took his chin in her hand, momentarily
forcing him to look at her. "You look tired, John."

He took a step back, pulling away from her hand so he could look
away again. "Yeah, I didn't sleep too well last night."

"D'Argo says you don't sleep very well every night. He's really worried
about you and I'm worried about both of you."

"I'm okay, really."

This time Eilynn grabbed his face with both her hands. "The physical
wounds have healed, but the mental one's haven't. I can see them
in your eyes, I can see them in D'Argo's and I can see them when
I look in the mirror."

"I don't think I can talk about this," Crichton pulled away from
her grasp again and turned until his back was facing her.

"Sooner or later you're going to have to!"

Crichton leaned his hands on the Farscape module and lowered his
head.

Eilynn walked up and put her hand on his back. She could feel his
muscles tense at her touch but he didn't try to move away. "You and
D'Argo and I are all victims of the Vith. We were all raped by it."

"I could've -- " Crichton stammered.

"You could've what? That creature was a master at what it did, it
had full control because that's what it did best. I couldn't have
stopped it if it was in me, nor could D'Argo or Zhaan or Aeryn or
anyone else. It didn't pick you because you were weak, it picked
you because you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong
time."

"You don't understand," Crichton was struggling to keep his voice
steady.

"I understand that you feel ashamed for something you didn't do!
You didn't do those things, John. You have to stop blaming yourself!"

"That's easy for you to say."

Eilynn paused and sighed deeply. "I also have nightmares about it,
John, and I know D'Argo is hurting too. You need to help us and let
us help you. It's eating away at all three of us and I know that
if we don't do something about it, then we will be the Vith's victims
for the rest of our lives."

Crichton was silent but Eilynn knew he was fighting back tears.

"Come on John, lets go find D'Argo and see if we can help each other
start healing."

"I can't, not yet.I'm sorry." He whispered.

Eilynn wanted to say more but instead she removed her hand from his
back and walked slowly out of the maintenance bay.

* * * * *

John was walking down the hall. At the end of the corridor there
was a giant door. He wasn't sure where the door led to, he wasn't
sure what part of the ship he was in and the worst part was he wasn't
sure how he had come to be there.

Stopping at the massive door he felt his hand raise and pass over
the panel that unlocked it. He didn't tell his hand to do that; it
just did it on its own.

The great door swung slowly open reveling what lay inside. John's
heart froze in his chest at the sight before him.

Bodies!

Bodies everywhere!

They all dangled from the ceiling by their feet, they all had expressions
of surprise on their faces, they all had open holes were their chests
used to be.

No!

As if by their own command his feet began propelling him forward
into the hanging assemblage. First he saw Breg and Meyla; they looked
just the same as he remembered. Then he saw Zhaan and Aeryn, Chiana
and Rygel. But there were more, as he moved further in he saw the
lifeless, dangling body of his father, of his friend D.K. and of
Alexandra. Row after row, so many faces from the past and the present.
All friends and loved ones, all hanging and lifeless.

NO!

"John!"

He looked over and saw D'Argo standing there amongst the bodies.
His eyes were sad and full of tears.

"John, what have you done?"

I didn't do it, D'Argo! It wasn't me!

His thoughts screamed out but his mouth refused to speak the words.

"John, what are you doing?"

John felt his arm raise up and realized that he was holding a gun.

NO! Please NO!

He tried to make his hand drop the gun but it would not obey him.
He tried to lower his arm but it moved up and did not stop until
the gun was pointed at D'Argo's chest.

NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!

"John, don't do this!"

He felt his hand tighten, felt his finger squeeze the trigger. No
matter how hard he tried he could not stop it.

NOOOOOOOOOO! OH GOD, NOOOOOOOO!

The gun fired.

He watched helpless as a great hole was blown in D'Argo's chest.
He watched helpless as D'Argo dropped to his knees and then slumped
heavily down onto the floor.

NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The room swirled around him. Shapes became twisted and blurry.

NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO!

He felt a pair of hands on his shoulders, shaking him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"John! Wake up!"

He opened his eyes and saw D'Argo looking down at him.

He was disoriented. The sight of D'Argo's face so close to his and
the images of the dream still sharp in his mind threw him into a
panicked scramble that sent him tumbling off his bed.

Leaping to his feet, his mind a whirlwind of confusion, he backed
up until he was pressed against the far wall.

"John, it's okay," he heard D'Argo say.

As the memory of his dream fogged over in his mind and his eyes focused
on reality he realized that he was standing in his quarters. Everyone
on board was there, gathered in the room, all in their sleep clothes.
D'Argo stood in front; they were all looking at him. As his breathing
steadied and his heart slowed down John realized that he must have
been yelling in his sleep and suddenly he felt very foolish.

He took a long deep breath before he spoke. "Hey, I'm okay guys.
I'm sorry I woke everyone." Despite his best efforts, John's words
came out cracked and shaky.

His eyes moved over all of their faces, some looked concerned others
looked annoyed. D'Argo, however, looked distressed.

"John, you're not all right," D'Argo said taking a step forward.

Crichton turned and walked over to a pitcher of water on a small
table. As he poured out some water the lip of the pitcher clanked
noisily against the rim of the glass in his shaking hands. Behind
him he could hear the padded footsteps of the others as they filed
out of the room and back to their quarters. It took both of his hands
to hold the glass still as he raised it to his lips and gulped down
the contents.

When he looked back he saw that everyone had left the room except
D'Argo and Eilynn. "I don't think I'm in the mood to talk," he said
to them.

D'Argo didn't answer; he walked up to John and reached out to pull
him into a hug. John turned his back to D'Argo but it did not stop
the Luxan. Instead he slipped his arms around John's waist, pulled
him close and kissed him softly on the back of the neck. John closed
his eyes and tilted his head back against D'Argo's mouth. When he
opened his eyes again he saw that Eilynn had moved up and was standing
right in front of him.

"I'm okay, really," he whispered weakly.

"Enough!" Eilynn's voice was stern. She raised her hand and started
to stroke the side of his face. "We all need each other, tonight
the healing will begin."

With that she leaned in and pressed her mouth to his. His lips opened
slightly in surprise, which was enough for her to force her tongue
past his teeth and invade his mouth.

John was relaxed and at the same time overwhelmed by the chorus of
sensations that surrounded him. There was the familiar feel of D'Argo's
lips as he kissed and licked the back of his neck and shoulders.
There was also the large Luxan's hands as they slowly ran up and
down his chest. Then there was the new and different feel of Eilynn's
mouth on his. Her kneading lips and probing tongue had an unfamiliar
yet pleasant feel to them.

John wrapped one arm around Eilynn and began stoking her back and
cupping her small firm ass. He reached his other hand behind him
so he could caress D'Argo's thigh and ass as well. As if following
his lead he could feel one of Eilynn's and one of D'Argo's hands
on him while the two reached past him with their other hand to exchange
caresses with each other.

The three lingered in this strange tangling embrace, hands reaching
here and there to share caresses, no one caring whose touch was whose.
Eilynn pulled her mouth away from John's and kissed him repeatedly
on the neck and shoulders. John returned the favor, lapping and tasting
Eilynn's soft skin. He then felt D'Argo's chin as he leaned over
John's shoulder so that he and Eilynn could kiss. Normally it would
have seemed odd to be standing between two people kissing yet at
that moment it didn't matter to John. D'Argo and Eilynn's mouths
may have been working only on each other but their hands were only
concerned with John.

Then as if on cue the three took a step away and began pulling at
each other's clothes. Not one of them was concerned with their own
garments, they only worked to undress the other two. When all of
their clothes were on the floor the trio moved silently to the bed.

Eilynn urged John to lay down and then descended on his groin. John
gasped at the feel of Eilynn's small, warm mouth and flicking tongue
on his cock. She rested her head against his thigh, laying her body
perpendicular to his. Laying down the opposite way from John, D'Argo
moved in and plunged his face between Eilynn's legs. John could feel
her body twitch in response to what he knew was D'Argo's expert tongue.
Feasting his eyes on D'Argo's cock so close to his face, John shifted
his body over and joyfully took the large shaft into his mouth.

The three now created a triangle of oral ecstasy, each one feeling
and responding to the pleasure of the other. As one would tense and
shiver it would ripple through the others in a wave of pleasure that
was shared by all.

John could feel Eilynn's hand as she urged him to spread his legs.
She then paused long enough to wet her index finger in her mouth
and then use it to caress the puckered opening of his anus. Her mouth
never left his cock as her finger worked to relax the ring of muscle
and slip inside of him. John moaned past D'Argo's cock in his mouth
as Eilynn worked her finger around inside him and was washed over
with pleasure that he felt needed to be shared.

Urging D'Argo to spread his legs he too licked his finger and began
working on D'Argo as Eilynn was working on him. At the sound and
feel of Eilynn's muffled moan he could tell that D'Argo was extending
that favor to her. The three worked on each other, copying caresses
as if in a silent ring of communication. Each squirming and groaning
at the touch given to them while reveling in the squirms and moans
of the one they touched.

The heat of ecstasy burned through them like a ring of fire until
backs arched, hips bucked and each rocked from an orgasm brought
upon them while tending to an orgasm they had brought upon the other.
When it was done the three, now gasping and sweaty, pulled back to
recover.

Feeling completely drained of energy John took a deep breath and
felt his body melt into the bed. There was a shifting and rocking
as D'Argo turned his body around and lay down next to John. Eilynn
sat up and kneeled down between them. Reaching out she placed one
hand on each man and began slowly caressing their chests. D'Argo
and John looked weakly up at Eilynn, who was energized by the orgasm
that left the two men drained.

Then John heard something so beautiful it could not be described
in words.

Eilynn was singing.

He remembered once D'Argo had tried to describe it to him but stumbled
uselessly over the description. Now John understood why, her voice
was something almost tangible that swirled and rippled over his body
and into his mind. Through her song he could feel her thoughts, feel
her contentment and most importantly feel her forgiveness of him.
Then he felt something new; it was D'Argo's mind. Through her song
she was able to connect them. The two reveled at the feel of each
other's thoughts and were able to feel the love each held for the
other. A whirlwind of experiences and memories washed over and were
shared between them. John could feel the tears well up in his eyes
as he was saturated with D'Argo's love for him. He silently thanked
Eilynn for allowing him to peer into the window of D'Argo's soul
and allowing D'Argo to see into him.

Eilynn's song then changed slightly and the two men were filled with
a new thought. It was Eilynn's own mind, her memory of what had happened
a moment before. John and D'Argo gasped in unison as they were suddenly
filled with the first hand experience of being a woman pleasured
orally. They felt first hand what it was like to have a woman's genitals
and the familiar yet different build of burning pleasure deep within.

John moaned loudly at Eilynn's memory of D'Argo's swirling tongue
as it lapped her most sensitive nub. Both men arched their backs
and gasped as the pleasure built to and unbearable intensity and
exploded so wonderfully yet so differently then they were accustomed
to. They let out strangled groans as the memories of the last shock
waves of pleasure surged through them.

Then the memory was over, Eilynn's song changed again and the two
men saw in their minds what Eilynn had planned for them next. John
took several long dragging breaths as Eilynn's song ended, looking
up he realized that while she was filling their minds with her memory
she was also stoking both their cocks which now stood straight and
painfully hard. John's body shuddered at the onslaught of stimuli,
after experiencing Eilynn's memory of an orgasm and yet simultaneously
half way to his own climax was more than he could bear. He suddenly
felt as if he was about to explode out of his skin. His chest tightened
as he breathed in short quick gasps while sweat dripped down from
his forhead. Turning his head he could see that D'Argo was in much
the same predicament.

On top of that he knew that Eilynn wasn't done with them yet.

As if responding to that thought, Eilynn climbed over onto John and
mounted him. John felt his eyes roll back into his head and her hot,
wet opening slipped down around his engorged cock. Then the bed shifted
as D'Argo climbed up on shaky hands and knees and moved behind Eilynn,
straddling Johns legs. John could then feel D'Argo's hand as he caressed
between Eilynn's legs and brushed against the base of his cock. Once
D'Argo's fingers were slick with Eilynn's natural wetness he moved
his hand up and slipped his fingers into her ass.

John watched in fascination at the expressions that danced across
Eilynn's face. He learned from her memories that this was something
new to her and he wondered if that was how he looked when D'Argo
prodded him the same way. Then D'Argo shifted and Eilynn tensed as
his cock worked its way into her ass. John raised a hand up and caressed
Eilynn's face in an effort to comfort her as D'Argo kissed her gently
on the back of her neck. D'Argo took his time, working himself slowly
into Eilynn's tight virgin passage. John watched every movement and
experienced every twitch and shiver that rippled down through Eilynn
and around his cock.

He knew exactly what she was going through, something difficult yet
pleasurable at the same time. It was hard the first time, John remembered
it well -- but just as he was then, D'Argo was so careful and gentle.
When he was all the way in her the three seemed to breathe a sigh
of relief, again all connected and experiencing what the others felt.

After a few moments John could feel Eilynn's body relax as it became
accustomed to this double intrusion. D'Argo felt Eilynn's muscles
ease as well and began to slowly thrust his hips. His movements pushed
Eilynn's body back and forth on John's cock and he helped by rocking
his hips upwards with D'Argo's thrusts.

Soon the rhythm increased and all three were rocking hard together
with thrusts that pushed hard through each body. John kept one hand
on Eilynn, sliding down from her face to cup and knead her plump,
round breasts. He brought the other hand up to caress D'Argo's face.
D'Argo turned into John's hand, licking the surface of his palm and
sucking each finger into his mouth.

Thrusts grew in intensity; moans and cries filled the air until there
was a powerful shock wave of orgasms that the three experienced as
one. Hips jerked and bucked and Eilynn screamed as hot fluids filled
her from both ends. Then it was over and the three trembled from
the exertion. Even Eilynn was left weak and drained. With his last
shreds of strength D'Argo lifted himself off and dropped heavily
onto the bed next to John. Then Eilynn slipped off of John and moved
over next to D'Argo on the far side of the bed. John turned of his
side resting his limp sweaty body against D'Argo while stretching
one arm across to drape over Eilynn.

John smiled and breathed in the sweet, sweaty scent of D'Argo.

He realized now that the closeness that he had been so foolishly
fighting all this time was the one thing he needed most. Tucking
himself in close to D'Argo he kissed his lover's skin before falling
into a deep sleep.

Finally his mind was at peace.

THE END


    

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