Disclaimer: Fox TV owns them, would probably kick my ass if they knew what I
was doing with them. Oh well.
Category: Smut, Humor, SLASH (mm, ff)
Pairings: Eric/Hyde, Donna/Jackie
Misc Notes: 1st person POV (Eric) & bad language
Archive: Anywhere, please keep headers intact.
Feedback: Please. Love to hear from you!
That 70's Show: That Show Of Shows
by Mako ([email protected])
"Smoking marijuana destroys brain cells."
I turned to another page of the latest "Life" magazine then flipped back
again. The bright orange lettering caught my eye as did the vacant gaze of
yet another anti-drug campaign's supposed stoner. He wasn't much of an ad
model but I was impressed by just how truly burnt he looked.
"Hey Hyde, do you think we're destroying our brain cells?" I asked. "You
know, by getting high?"
Hyde smiled beneath his aviator sunglasses. "Yep."
"Cool," I replied, tossing the magazine aside and pulling out my stash.
"Wanna do it some more?"
"Indeed." He pulled up a chair and soon our brain cells were falling away
like lemmings from a cliff. "You know Forman," he said once the atmosphere
turned nice and toasty. "I've been meaning to ask you something, something
that's a little close to home. If it's too personal, just say so."
"It's too personal," I replied, taking another spicy drag from the bong.
"I didn't ask yet."
"Yeah, but I figure if you're asking it ..."
"Has it ever occurred to you that Donna might be bi, as in bi-sexual?"
The smoke spluttered from my mouth in a huge, choking cloud. "WHAT?" I cried,
glaring at him with what must have been my very best look of death.
Hyde was unimpressed. "Seriously, man. She's always struck me, as well, kinda
on the other, less frilly side of the fence. I not saying she's not totally
hot, but hasn't it ever crossed your mind that along with doing you, she
might be having some extracurricular activities with, shall we say, the
I gaped at him, at a momentary loss for words. Donna was never your typical
girl, she could kick my ass at basketball nine times out of ten, but "bi"?
What the hell?
"Hyde, she's with me. She ... she SLEEPS with me for God's sake! Donna is
so ... so straight, she could practically host a dinner party for Anita
Bryant. I mean, not that she would, but you know what I'm saying."
"Okay. So I guess what I saw her and Jackie doing the other night was
nothing." He nodded in that infuriating I-Don't-Give-A-Shit way of his.
The bong fell from my hand and pot-scented water seeped into the shag rug at
my feet. "What?" I gasped, the pleasant fog of brain-cell destruction lifting
rapidly. "What did you see Donna do?"
"Nothing. Must have been two other girls making out."
"Hyde, don't make me get up and kill you, because I will. Now you tell me
everything you saw. NOW!" I yelled, feeling a very odd mix of betrayal, anger
and heaven help me, horniness.
Donna and Jackie ... making out. Jesus.
"Whoa, chill out Forman." Hyde took off his glasses and casually cleaned them
on a corner of his T-shirt. "If I were you, I'd be more interested in seeing
if I could get a front row seat to this show of shows. If you're nice to me,
maybe I can supply it."
"But ... but ..." I stammered, dumbstruck.
Then it hit me. Donna and Jackie, two hot girls, one of them my girlfriend,
making out and ... maybe more.
He leaned in closer, a conspiratorial grin covering his face. "Two nights
ago, when you were out in the garage with Red, I came down to get my jeans
out of the dryer and that's when I saw it. Donna and Jackie, together on
the couch, going at it so hot and heavy they didn't even notice I was there.
They didn't even turn around when I almost fell over the bannister, trying
to get a better look."
My brain was reeling in huge looping circles. "But ... what did you say?"
Hyde looked at me as if I were crazy. "Nothing, man. Would *you* interrupt
the greatest cream in your pants moment of YOUR life? What am I, an idiot?
I just let the ladies do their thing, with me watching of course." He nudged
me with his elbow. "And I see no reason why I shouldn't let my best pal in
on the fun especially since he's screwing one of the ladies in question."
"Gee Hyde, that's very generous of you," I snarled. "And for your
information, Donna and I don't "screw," we ... we ..."
What exactly was it we did again?
Oh yeah, "make love," that's it. I think.
"Whatever," said Hyde, sliding his glasses back on. "Do you want to see the
chicks make out or what? Donna's studying with Jackie tonight and I'll bet
you ten bucks I know what's on the homework schedule."
Anger flared again, and I suddenly hated Hyde and his smug, know-it-all ass.
He was just playing his usual mind-games but this time I was going to call
his bluff. "Sure," I said, with a shrug. "Why not?"
Hyde rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Why not indeed? You're all right
Forman, no matter what anyone else says."
"Asshole," I muttered under my breath, following him out the basement door
and through the Pinciotti's backyard, to where this supposed miracle awaited.
* * *
The view was one perfected after many hours spent peeping through Donna's
bedroom window, hoping to catch a glimpse of her in various stages of
undress. I wasn't proud that I was a twelve-year-old pervert with no life
back then and now I was an eighteen-year-old pervert doing practically the
"This is stupid," I whispered, trying to balance myself on the same part of
garage roof that seemed so much bigger and more stable half a decade before.
A stray tree branch tickled my neck, giving me paranoid thoughts of Red
stalking up behind me, catching me and giving me the beating of my pathetic,
skinny life. "Did you hear me Hyde? This is stupid!"
"Shhhh," insisted Hyde, peering intently through the darkness. "Watch and you
will see, grasshopper."
Donna's bedroom was clearly visible less than a few yards away and as usual,
her shades were up. Jackie was there, sitting cross-legged on her bed, Indian
style, studying her notes. Donna was pouring out a soda, offering it to
Jackie, then taking her own place beside her, textbook in hand.
"I'm going to kill you, Hyde," I hissed. "You give me this total bogus line
of bullshit, get me out here to spy on my girlfriend, sitting on this garage
like some loser in third grade and ..."
"Check it out," whispered Hyde, reverently, as if the Holy Grail had just
materialized before him.
Exasperated, I turned back to Donna's window.
And my entire world began to tilt toward a universe I'd never imagined
The books were tossed aside and there was Donna, my Donna, making out with
her best pal, Jackie. Soft lips were locked together with a clearly visible
hint of tongue darting between them as hands roamed over breasts, stopping
at the nipples, exploring, caressing gently before retreating back to each
others' cheeks and hair.
"Oh my God," I croaked, my mouth so dry, I was surprised I could speak at
all. "Oh my God."
"I used to be an atheist," said Hyde softly. "But yup. There definitely is
Oblivious, the girls continued, sprawled out with Donna on top as Jackie
squirmed happily beneath her, pulling on her blouse, both of them laughing
when it got tangled in Donna's long red hair.
Lip-reading classes, that's what I need, I thought dazedly as they talked to
one another, giggling when Donna sat up and wiggled out of her pants.
My girlfriend was down to her bra and panties and I heard Hyde make a noise
that under normal circumstances would have earned him a fist in his face from
yours truly, but these were not normal circumstances.
In fact, I agreed with him completely.
The bra disappeared and I nearly fell off the roof when Jackie reached up and
started touching Donna's breasts, those beautiful, soft perfect breasts that
I'd enjoyed so many times.
How odd to feel so little jealousy, to feel an actual burst of pride as
Jackie took each one into her mouth and seemed to take as much pleasure in
them as I ever did. If it had been a man, I'd have killed him, but it was ...
well, it was *Jackie* for God's sake. How threatening was that?
In fact, it was far from threatening -- it was the most erotic thing I'd ever
seen in my life.
And from the sounds Hyde was making, he agreed. "Come on, do it," he murmured
at the window as if he could influence the action inside. A groan then,
followed by the sound of jeans being unzipped.
I knew exactly what he was doing and under normal circumstances I probably
would have been more than a little disgusted, but again, I thought, unzipping
my own pants ...
I agreed with him completely.
My dick was rock hard in my hand and I watched as Donna slowly slipped off
her panties, widening her legs so Jackie could reach between them, perfectly
manicured fingers disappearing inside what I knew was velvety soft, hot and
Donna arched forward, obviously loving it, and I let go of my twitching cock,
not wanting to come too soon.
Hyde was having no such trouble and the sounds he was making next to me were
becoming almost as intriguing as what was going on in Donna's room. How
strange to hear Hyde, in some ways as uptight as a monk, letting go and being
brazenly sexual, right next to me. It was all too weird, but it was great
too, and I edged closer to him, smiling so hard I knew the muscles in my
mouth would never be the same.
The girls had changed positions, sixty-nining each other enthusiastically,
with Donna's long lean body bridged over Jackie's smaller one, her head
dipped down between the dark curls, as Jackie stretched up, burying her face
between the reddish-blonde fuzz that declared Donna a natural redhead.
I already knew that but I guess Hyde didn't because he elbowed me
frantically, mumbling incoherently. "Seethatohmygodyouseethat?"
"Yeah, she's hot isn't she?" I whispered in his ear, feeling so loose and
sexy nothing seemed to matter much anymore. The rules had changed and not for
the worse either. "She tastes as good as she looks, man. Like candy."
Hyde moaned, leaned against me and I reached between his legs, my own dick
throbbing like crazy. It was no big deal, what was a little fun between
friends I thought, touching him the way I liked to touch myself when Donna
Hey, what's good for the girlfriend ...
"Oh jeez, man," he panted as I gently pinched the tip of his cock between
my thumb and forefinger, feeling the wetness seep out. "Wait ... don't ..."
A pause, and I felt his hand fumbling at my crotch. "What the hell," he
muttered and a second later his tongue was deep inside my mouth, raking
against my teeth, pulling back and plunging in again.
It was totally different and in some ways just as exciting as kissing Donna.
Slowly, I was figuring out what the attraction might be in making it with
your best friend especially when Hyde began to expertly jack me off, keeping
a perfect sliding pressure in all the right spots.
Takes one to know one, I thought. I held onto the roof the best I could,
glanced over at Donna's window to see them coming close to orgasm, their hips
pumping frantically toward each others mouths, both of them glistening with
Reached for Hyde again, and we got into our own rhythm, mouths and hands busy
in unison, until I felt him explode in my palm, my own shattering climax
following a second later.
As did my tumble from the garage roof.
"Shit!" I yelped as my tailbone smacked into the cement with a thud.
"Crap!" yelled Hyde as he rolled off after me, narrowly missing my head by
"Eric!" yelled Red from inside the kitchen and that was all we needed. I
leapt up and ran, bruised tailbone and all, with Hyde right behind me.
We flew down into the basement, slamming the door behind us, leaping on the
couch, trying our damnedest to look casually indifferent. Loud thumps of
shoes against the basement stairs followed and Red appeared on the landing,
glaring at us with his usual look of impending doom.
"What do you two dumbasses think you're doing out there?" he demanded.
I couldn't even talk, but Hyde, as usual, saved the day. "Retrieving a
Frisbee, Mr. Forman," he lied with the straightest face I'd ever seen.
Red's eyes narrowed to slits. "Retrieving a Frisbee? In the middle of the
"It's a glow-in-dark one, Red," replied Hyde, as innocent as a babe in the
Or as innocent as a pervert atop a garage oogling two girls going at it like
crazy while whacking off his best pal.
Red rolled his eyes, turned and stomped back up the stairs. "Well, whatever
it is you morons are up to, knock it off. Understood?"
"Understood," we replied in unison, glancing at each other with huge eyes.
Convulsive laughter followed and a few minutes later we were back at the
beginning, pot-pipe in hand, asking each other the same stupid questions we'd
been asking each other for what seemed like forever.
"So if Mickey's a mouse, Pluto's a dog, what's Goofy, man?"
"I think I hear your last brain cell leaving the building."
"You just can't answer that, can you?"
"Shut up and pass it back here, willya?"
* * *
The next evening Donna showed up and greeted me with the usual mind-blowing
I returned it eagerly, knowing we wouldn't find a place to do it but there
was no harm in enjoying the idea just the same.
"Hey, Eric," she said, her blue eyes shining. "I have that history final
tomorrow, so would it be a problem if I studied with Jackie one more night?
I can promise you the whole weekend after that."
I smiled, feeling a warm rush tingle up my spine. "No problem at all. In
fact, I was going to go over a few English lit assignments with Hyde. If
that's all right with you."
Another blinding smile, and jeez, she was more beautiful than ever. "Thanks,
Eric. You're the best."
"So are you," I said, and gave her a little squeeze before opening the door
for her. "Have fun, babe."
"I'll try," she laughed, and as the door shut, I took a moment to catch my
breath before making my way up the stairs and into my bedroom.
Where my best friend Hyde waited, ready and willing to help me put on our own
show of shows, hopefully the whole night long.
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