Disclaimer: Except for my original Jedi everything else is owned by George
Lucas and the estate of the great E.R. Burroughs. Used without permission or
compensation, this is to be considered satire. It has been many years since
I read the John Carter book's and so my facts about weaponry, cities, and
lots of things will be inaccurate, although I will try to minimalize these
flaws by looking stuff up.

On this Barsoom John Carter never existed, and Earth is our current early
21st century except we haven't sent any probes to Mars yet. In this story
Llana is just another Princess, not related (granddaugter) to Dejah Thoris
and Tara is Dejah's equaly brave sister not daughter. The Padawan's are 16,
17, or 18, depending on what is legal where you live.

Note: Star Wars and E.R. Burroughs' Barsoom crossover

Summary: When Jedi pursue a Sith and get sucked into a space wormhole they
find themselves in a different galaxy and soon find themselves in the middle
of yet another war.

Some chapters rated NC-17 for F/F, F/f, sex in numerous combination's, cons.
mild bdsm, kink.

Star Wars: Episode ??? - Battle For Barsoom! Part 1
by Vicki O'Danner ([email protected])

The stunning and overwhelming victory of the forces of the New Republic
after the 'Battle of Endor' resulted in the loss of the Sith Emporer
Palpatine, Darth Vader, the second 'Death Star', the 'Superstar Destroyer',
and the 'Imperial Destroyer' fleet.

Sith disciples, and hardcore Imperial General's and Admiral's, facing war
crimes tribunal's, joined forces with the Hutt's and other organized crime
syndicates, but were unable to mount much resistance as the Republic forces,
led by Jedi Luke Skywalker soon scattered them to distant stronghold's in
remote region's of the galaxy where they remained.

Luke Skywalker and a few Jedi who had been hiding out during the empire's
reign rebuilt the 'Jedi Academy', returing it to it's former glory. An age
of peace and prosperity began.

Two hundred years have passed since then. Hideout Sith and forces wishing
for the return of the empire still exist, but are getting fewer and fewer
in number, becoming more of a nuisance than a threat. Once such Sith, a
beautiful Twi'lek named Lity Olin, calling herself 'Darth Lity' hatched a
plot to turn all women into lesbians like her.

Her plan was easily foiled by Jedi Vicoda Sidex, but not before Vicoda and
her entire Jedi task force of Vicoda's Padawan Dia Tu-Sora, Mika Khan, Kyla
Moonshadow and her Padawan Silvia Hawk, and Jenna Ataena were exposed to the
gas and turned into lesbians.

Outnumbered six to one, Darth Lity fled, but was pusued closely by Vicoda
and her force. A freak space storm in hyperspace sent both ships tumbling
helplessly into a wormhole. Emerging on the other side both ships found
themselves in another galaxy in a solar system with intellegent life on the
third and fourth planets.

* * *

"Status report!" Vicoda ordered.

"All ship's function's down to 20% and falling," Mika reported, "If we don't
make it to one of those 2 planets soon we're finished."

"Long range scanner's recording," Kyla came in, "Third planet, called Earth
by it's inhabitant's, fourth planet known as Barsoom by those who live

"Primative, by our standards," Silvia said, reading the scanner's, "Neither
planet has space travel beyond their own moons. Barsoom was once more
advanced than Earth, and is still ahead in a few things, but Earth now has
greater general technology."

"Population's, 6 Billion on Earth, less than 100 million on Barsoom," Kyla
said, "Not surprising, Earth is a water planet, Barsoom's is slowly dying,
only arctic region's and underground sea's left. Thin atmosphere, lower
gravity. Tempature's should be below freezing, but I sense 'terra forming'
making the planet habitable."

"Status on Lity?" Vicoda asked.

"She made for the third planet, but it looks like she didn't make it," Jenna
answered, "I can feel her, she's alive."

"We can't let her go, but if we land we won't be able to lift off again,"
Mika said, "The third planet, Earth, has better computers, and is more likely
to develop space travel."

"No, we have to face facts," Vicoda said, "There's no chance we're getting
back to our galaxy, and while Lity is more hooker than horror, she can still
cause quite a bit of trouble even in this solar system."

"So, Barsoom it is," Kyla smiled, "If we can even survive the landing. Better
strap in ladies, it's gonna be rough!"

Kyla was the best pilot, one of the best of the Jedi order, but even she was
struggling to keep from crashing hard into the rough terrain. The impact was
horrific indeed, fire and chemicals flooded every compartment. Clothing
disentegrated, but the personal energy shieds the women carried held. The
impact knocked them all unconcious, but alive.

Hours later, the 6 Jedi began to stir. Vicoda was first, she unstrapped
herself then helped the others. They were naked, but unhurt save for the most
minimal of bruises. Looking at them the contrast was amazing. Vicoda was a
Vishan, tall, well built, blonde haired woman, elf like, even to her pointed
ears. Dia Tu-Sora, her Padawan, was shorter, light skinned human, with
flaming red hair, with the right amount of breast and butt, and muscle.

Mika Khan, also human, was the shortest at 5'2" (Earth measure), the
Earthlings would say Asian looking at her. She was as beautiful as a doll
with long black hair and almond eyes. Looks could be deceiving. While Vicoda
and Jenna were slightly better with lightsabers, Mika was the best hand to
hand fighter the Jedi Order had ever seen.

Standing at 6'1" (Earth meaure) Kyla Moonshadow was the tallest. Mocha
colored skin, large breasts topped with always erect brown nipples. She was
also human, especially skilled in tracking and jungle warfare. Kyla used the
doublebladed lightsaber, frowed on by the Jedi counsl, but accepted.

Silvia Hawk was an Avian. Her people had descended from birds, but now,
except for feathers that looked like hair and eyebrows they looked almot
exactly like a human. But they also had hollow bones, that made them
extremely quick and agile, able to make leaps beyond what a human could.
Greater muscle to bone ratio made them stronger than most humans too.
The fingernails of the females were also extremely sharp and strong,
much like talons. Silvia was also in very good condition, with
everything in the right places.

Jenna Ateana was a blue Twi'lek (Lity was green), and like most females of
her species was beautiful and highly sexually charged. She had chosen to
follow in the steps of the legendary Jedi Knight Aayla Secura, who showed
that Twi'lek women could be strong, sexy, and kick ass all at the same time.

Without words the women quickly took stock of their situation. They had
plenty of food and water, and the remaining scanners showed that the local
flora, fauna, and wildlife was compatable. No problem there. But the ship
was trashed and so was just about everything in it. All their weaponry was
fragged except their lightsabers, only some basic computer and entertainent
equipment survived. All clothing was gone, leaving them naked. Some belts
survived along with some minor equipment like underwater breathing tubes.
Jenna found some leather straps for her 'head tails'.

Their repair droids were molten metal and plastic, their land speeder was
fried. Three of their 6 speeder bikes survived. As they unloaded the bikes
a group of airships passed overhead, stopped and landed. A hundred men and
a few women, human with reddish skin, as naked as the 6 female Jedi, wearing
only straps which held swords and what looked like hand blasters and a few
other items swarmed out, pointing weapons at them, but also seeming to not.

The Jedi beauty's flashed their lightsabers, only to show they were armed,
before turning them off. With their Jedi translators on, they already knew
they would be able to talk to even these people from a stange galaxy as they
could already understand a few backround words.

Four women, naked but for straps that held sword's and pistol's, and lot's
of jewellry, that on them looked great, stepped forward. They were stunningly
beautiful, naturally hairless below the eyebrow's as was quite obvious, large
full breat's, flat stomch's, very small 'belly button's'. They were clearly
in charge. As unofficial leader Vicoda stepped out. She had a strange desire
to say 'take me to your leader', but the regal bearing of these 4 screamed
that they were the leader's!

"I am Vicoda Sidex, Jedi Knight of the Republic from the planet Vishan,"
Vicoda salued with her unlit lightsaber, "We are not from your world, nor
your solor system, or even your galaxy. We are guardian's of the weak and
helpless, keeper's of the peace, pursuing a fugitive from our galaxy. Our
arrival here was; accidental, but we have no way to return. Our intention's
are both peaceful and honorable."

"I am Dejah Thoris, Princess of Helium," Dejah Thoris, the leader said,
drawing he sword in a flourish salute back, "This is my sister, Tara Thoris;
these are my friend's and allies, Princess Thuvia of Ptarth and Llana of
Gathol. Your technology is great indeed if even coming from another galaxy
you are able to understand our speech. Your sword's..."

"They are called lightsabers," Vicoda smiled, liking her instantly, "The
weapon of a Jedi."

"Jedi? An interesting title," Dejah smiled, "Perhap's you can tell us about
your world's, in Helium, as my guests. And about the one you seek."

"We would be honored," Vicoda returned the smile, sensing no duplicity about
the woman.

"Your flyer's, we can store them aboard one of our ships," Llana said,"
Interesting design. I would like to test it should you, or one of you
companian's allow me."

"I think that could be arrainged," Vicoda said.

The 6 Jedi boarded Dejah's personal flagship. Kyla requested to be allowed
on the bridge. Dejah granted her request when Kyla mentioned she was a pilot.
Kyla was surprised the ship could fly. The controls were simple and the
aircraft of Earth were actually better, faster, but more complex. Primative
by Republic standards, but Kyla didn't say anything.

Dejah and Vicoda had already became friends, so had Dia and Tara. In a
lightsaber demonstration Mika asked a man, a Captain by his cloak and helmet,
to fire 2 shots at her, which she then deflectd back at him neatly slicing
the staps of his cloak in half without touching his skin. Whistles of
admiration were heard as it was obvous she could have killed him.

"A formidable weapon indeed," Thuvia grinned at her, "The technology is
beyond what even our ancients concieved of."

"A hundred of those and our war would be over," Dejah said.

"So, you are involved in a war as we are?" Vicoda asked, "Though our war is
nearly over. Lity is one of the last Sith left, and how she became a Sith
I'll never understand. The girl barely has an evil bone in her body."

"Your enemy," Dejah said, "Who is she? And perhap's you can explain some

"Like how our word Jedi is similar to your word Jed, which means ruler, I
think," Vicoda said, "But Jedi don't want to rule anything. We have only our
clothes, weapons and equipment. We need nothing else. Worldly possessions
and the lust for them lead to the 'Dark Side'. So too can strong emotions."

"Lity is a Twi'lek like me, save that she is green skinned," Jenna said,
"No, there are no divisons between races or silly thing's like skin pigment.
We Twi'leks come in many colors, green, blue, white, red, yellow, grey. It
is hard to explain the women of my world. Because we are both appealling to
the eye and extremely highly sexual, women of my world ar highly prized as
sex slaves. We are also sought by both men and women to be exotic dancers and
singers, but mostly as sex toys. We are very masochistic and humanoid men
and women alike find that we actually enjoy perversions. Some few, like Lity
and myself, only like women. I love whips most of all."

"Mmmmm, women and whips," Dejah hummed, "My favorite."

"Mind out of the gutter," Tara laughed, "I have a strange feeling we all
feel the same."

"Yes, we should continue," Vicoda smiled, "It is...very difficult to descibe
the 'Force'. The 'Force' binds the Universe together, this galaxy as well as
ours. I can feel it. Yours is a younger galaxy, the 'Force' is wilder here,
if that makes any sense."

"Please, continue," Dejah said.

"Anyone can use the 'Force' if they only knew how, but few have that degree
of sensativity," Vicoda said, "In very rare cases, perhap's one in a billion,
some people have the ability to use the 'Force'."

"For good or ill," Mika added.

"Out of those that are 'Force sensative' an even smaller amount will ever
have the ability or desire to learn about their gifts," Vicoda said, "The
Jedi Council try's to seek out and train children who have the talent.
Children are easier to teach, nd it takes many year's to learn the way's
of the 'Force'."

"There are rare cases, such as the legendary Luke Skywalker," Silvia butted
in, then blushed, "Sorry Mistress Vicoda."

"As I was sayng, a few are called to be Jedi, Lity was one," Vicoda contnued,
"But her; sexual preferance got her into trouble. Whe the Jedi council was
forced to expell her, the Sith seduced her to the Dark Side of the 'Force'.
Her preferane became an obsession. She wanted to kill all non-humanoid
aliens, then wipe out all men."

"She's really not that bad," Miko said, "If we keep her in a dungeon and
subject her to lesbian torture, she would be totally harmless."

"You are speaking to the converted," Llana laughed.

"The way things are going, if we can win this war, she might get her wish,"
Dejah said.

"What do you mean?" Vicoda asked.

"After we dine tonight I will tell you why we must win this war, and we must
do it quickly," Dejah said," For now, we have arrived. Welcome to Helium!"

Even the experianced eyes of the Jedi women marveled at the sight of Helium's
crystal palaces.

* * *

Many miles away:

Darth Lity stood atop a heap of Green Men corpses, red lightsaber in her

"I'm your new leader," Lity ordered, "Any objection's? Now, I want to hear
abut these 'Red women'."
_ _ _

End of Part 1


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