A MATTER OF TRUST
by Monique Robertson
All was quiet aboard the Millennium Falcon as
it made its ponderous journey towards Bespin on
sub-light engines. Han and the rest of his
make-shift "crew" had spent the past few days
diligently making much needed repairs to the many
systems on board the battered ship that had
sustained damage by dodging either asteroids or
The least mechanically inclined of the crew,
Princess Leia Organa, decided she had done quite
enough "repairs" if she could call what she had
just done to that system panel a repair, and decided
to call it a day. She headed to the main cabin
which she sincerely hoped would be unoccupied and
cautiously opened the door. Sighing with relief at
not encountering the owner of the cabin, she quickly
entered and locked the door behind her.
She had spent the last three days studiously
avoiding the object of her thoughts, trying to act
as if nothing had changed, as if her world had not
been completely transformed by one damned kiss.
She sighed, shaking her head. 'Why am I letting
this effect me this way,' she asked herself, 'it's
not like I haven't been kissed before, so why the
hell can't I think of anything else? Why him?'
The last question echoed in her head. Why Han
Solo indeed. It was ironic that out of all the
suave, highly educated and politically savvy men
she had been wooed by, the only one to leave her
breathless and trembling came intact with an air
of complete irresponsibility, an incurable
wanderlust, a questionable (at best!) reputation
and an ego the size of the Argounian nebula?
She sighed again. 'Damn him. Damn him for making
me feel things I thought myself beyond feeling
anymore!' As far as she could tell, he had no
more interest in her past the unattainable challenge
that she was sure he thought she was offering. He
constantly spoke of leaving at the first good
opportunity, of not looking back. She often felt
like her emotions were on a revolver when he was
around her, so varied and extreme.
She liked to think that he had no redeeming
qualities. She knew she was lying to herself when
she did. He had demonstrated time and again a
completely selfless side that had at first taken her
by surprise. But her naturally observant nature
forced her to notice and admit that generosity and
a courageous and caring nature were actually part of
what made him Han Solo. That fact that he had the
most disarming, mood changing eyes and was absolutely
gorgeous to boot did NOT help matters. Oh, he was
aware that he was very good looking and he wasted no
opportunity to point it out to her. She sometimes
thought that he was totally baffled by the fact that
she hadn't offered herself to him on a silver platter
by now. Humility was NOT one of his strong suits.
Lost in her thoughts, Leia started to unravel
the long braids that were wrapped tightly around her
head, sighing with pleasure when she could finally
run her fingers though the long dark mass. She
shed her Hoth battle fatigues and headed for the
'fresher, dropping her rumpled uniform into the
clean cycle bin on the way. Standing under the
pounding, sonic waves, she leaned her head against
the side wall and let the 'fresher unravel at least
some of the tension that had been her constant
companion for the past 3 days. She had used all
of the tactical skills she possessed to keep a good
distance between her and Han after their interrupted
encounter the other day, needing the space to mull
through her own turbulent thoughts and emotions.
She still wasn't quite sure whether she was grateful
for Threepio or not and that was a disturbing thought
all on its own.
Feeling somewhat better after a few more minutes,
she stepped out of the 'fresher and saw that the
cycle hadn't completely finished drying her uniform
yet and went to the closet to rummage for something
to wear. She had almost as many personal items in
this cabin as its owner. A testament to her frequent
presence on the Falcon in the past two years. The
garments in front her made her pause, then shake her
head as she slipped a simple sheathe over her head.
For all of his grumbling about low pay and long hours,
how many times had Han volunteered to taxi her to
this location or that? Actually volunteering before
he was asked, always saying that he "had business
there anyway". She could actually recall only twice
that he had had personal business to attend to. The
rest of the times, he just hung around, acting as an
escort, helping her to "blend in" with whatever
culture they happened to be in (an interesting trick
of his). Always keeping casually alert to any possible
danger that might threaten her. The man had saved her
hide more times than she cared to think about.
She shook her head again and sat down on the double
bunk that took up a good portion of the small but
extremely (and surprisingly) tidy cabin.
'Damn the man,' she thought, 'he's even neat! How
am I supposed to defend myself against that?'
She was still smiling at her own foolishness when
the object of her musings opened the "locked" door and
strode into the cabin. Her head shot up and their
eyes met "I know I locked the door behind me." she
said in flustered annoyance. "How did you get in?"
He stopped dead in his tracks saying nothing as he
slowly looked his fill of her. She could literally
feel his eyes moving over her flushed face, long
unbound hair and lower. Missing nothing, the look
on his face was one of total absorption. "Han!"
She said firmly, trying to bring his attention back
to less disturbing ground.
He still said nothing and walked slowly over to
her, placing one bent knee on the bed beside her.
He gently wove his fingers in her long hair, brushing
his fingers through its silky length. She shivered
at the unexpected caress and he cupped her face in
his hands. "I've never seen it down before." He
said in a gravely whisper that made her shiver again.
She stared at him, pulse pounding, not sure what
to say. "I thought I locked the door" She said again.
He finally focused on what she was saying. "You
probably did," he said running his thumb over her
jaw and the graceful line of her neck. " I set my
palm print to override all of the locks on the
ship." He grinned. "I'm glad I did" He sat down
next to her, inhaling the sweet smell that was
uniquely hers. She tried to put some space between
them but he forestalled her by moving his leg around
her, surrounding her with his incredible warmth.
"You've been avoiding me these past three days."
He accused softly " Did I really frighten you that
much?" He dragged his thumb slowly over her bottom
lip "Or did I just make you feel too much?" Her
head spinning from his touch, she backed up as much
as he would allow.
"We have a professional working relationship, what
I feel or don't feel is not your concern Captain!"
She tried to sound convincing, but failed in even her
own ears. "Please let me up." she demanded nervously
upon recognizing the proverbial "light of battle"
igniting in his smoldering gold eyes.
"I don't think you know or are willing to admit
what you do feel for me lady, but it's anything but
professional!" Lowering his head he caught her lips
in a kiss that scorched her very being with its
intensity. Long fought desires came scrambling to
the surface as he laid her back on the bunk and
settled his weight over her. Surrounding her with
his presence until she could not discern where one
started and the other ended. Cradling her with his
strength, sharing it with her until she felt
completely cherished, completely safe, completely
wild. It was the total lack of inhibitions and
cares that finally enabled her to push him away a
slight distance. Fear warred with desire in her
breast as she realized just how easily he had overcome
the defenses she had carefully accumulated against
him in the past two years. 'Why him?' She thought
again as she tried to catch her breath, staring
into his unfathomable eyes.
"I don't know about you lady, but that didn't feel
too professional to me" he said in a chiding
whispered. Brushing his lips gently against hers
again. "Why can't you admit that you want me?" He
asked running his open mouth along the sensitive
column of her neck . "Why do you fight what we both
want?" His lips moved lower to the soft upper swell
of her breasts. The feel of his hands, surrounding
her there in such an unfamiliar and intense caress
startled her out of the spell he had cast She
jerked away from him, blushing to the roots of her
hair, glaring at him. "I do not just lie down with
a man because I might find him slightly attractive"
She snapped with as much hautiness as she could
He stared at her for what seemed like forever, and
then a strange, almost tender look came over his face.
"Ye Gods," he said softly, "the experienced rebel
leader, hotshot politician and royal ambassador is a
virgin." She stared at him, her mouth dropping
open at his audacity. "I'm right, aren't I?" He
accused following her as she backed away from him.
"You've never taken a lover before."
She blanched slightly as black memories swam
over her momentarily. "I'm not technically a virgin,
if that's what you're asking and it's certainly none
of your business in the first place!" She turned
abruptly and faced the port window, staring into the
blackness that felt as if it had invaded part of her soul.
"What do you mean technically?" He asked in
consternation, having felt sure that he had read her
She was silent for a moment, then in an almost
inaudible voice she replied "I wasn't given a choice".
"WHAT!" His head snapped up. "What do you mean you
weren't given a choice?!"
She glanced at his reflection in the port window
and saw his bristling outrage on her behalf. Because
of that, she continued. "When Vader had me tortured,
he did a very...um...thorough job."
The last said haltingly as the memory of the pain,
helplessness and rage resurfaced in her. She hugged
her arms around herself, suddenly feeling as cold as
the barren stars outside the window.
Warm hands turned her towards him and he cupped
her face, gently forcing her to look at him.
"Vader...?" he asked.
"No" She cut him off. "He chose one of his staff
for the task. I was surprised when he didn't stay
and watch," she said in a bitter tone. She stared
at his chest for a minute and finally took the
courage to look at his face. The murderous rage
she saw there shocked her. His expressive, ever
changing eyes were the black of a night in Hell.
She softened "I'm OK". She said touching his
shoulder, "I've gotten over it..... dealt with it."
He looked at her for a long moment "I don't
think you have Leia. You don't trust men. Not
intimately." He wrapped his arms gently around her.
"It was something about you that I could never really
figure out until now. I saw the passion, the fire in
you, but whenever I got close, you'd back up like a
scalded Krell cat." He gently smoothed her hair away
from her face. "Are you afraid that I would ever do
anything to hurt you?" He demanded.
She looked at him for a long moment and then
replied "I never thought that you would ever
physically hurt me, no." She whispered. "What I
am afraid of is letting myself care too much for
you and then having to watch you leave." She backed
up a little, "Han, aside from you and Luke, I have
lost everything I have ever held dear. How can you
expect me to trust my emotions again with someone who
wants to leave me at the first opportunity?" she
asked with accusation in her voice. He stared at
her for a moment, weighing her words. "You tell me
that you care about me and then tell me you can't,"
he teased, "which is it princess? And, by the
way, this is the first time that you've used 'I'
instead of 'We' or the 'Rebel Alliance'. How was
I supposed to know that you were interested in me
for anything else but a glorified taxi service?"
She stared at him, at once for a loss for words.
"You're not the only one who's lost loved ones, Leia,"
he said, stroking her cheek. "I know the kind of hole
that it leaves in you. I also know that trying act
only as an observer and not letting yourself actively
participate in life only makes it worse. You're alive,
Leia! You didn't die with Alderaan. Let yourself
experience life, stop running from it!"
She looked at him with a small smile "I didn't
realize you could wax so philosophical, Han," she said,
strangely not offended at his words. "I don't think
that I'm running from life. I'm just participating in
it as well as I know how."
He looked at her for a long moment, then smiled as
if coming to an inner decision. "Would you trust me
enough to let me show you some pointers? He asked
with a whimsical grin. "I won't make love to you."
He paused "I don't think either one of us is really
ready for that .....yet. Just let me teach you a
different kind of dance," he said with a smile.
"A dance, what kind of dance?" She asked,
suspicion lacing her voice.
He leaned down and caught her lips with his, rubbing
them slowly back and forth. "A very old dance," he
said in a softly wicked whisper. He moved her deeper
into his embrace and once again brought them back down
on his bunk. "Trust yourself with me" He said, moving
his mouth and body against hers sinuously. "Let me
show you a taste of the pleasure your body is capable
of." The straps of her shift were lifted and drawn
down. Warm lips followed until they completely
surrounded the tip of one achingly sensitive breast.
She gasped as he drug his teeth over the berry hardness
he had drawn from her. "Trust me," he said at last,
lifting his head and looking deeply into her eyes,
her very soul. She lifted a hand and gently traced
the lines of his face, his neck and muscled shoulders,
shifted her gaze back to his.
After what seemed like an eternity she took all of
her courage in her hands and whispered haltingly,
"Show me then. Make the fear go away." He let out a
shuddering sigh of relief and once again lowered
himself over her slight weight, taking care not
to crush her or in any way make her feel trapped.
"Now what?" She asked with a trembling smile.
"Now," he replied with an almost goofy grin on his
face, "I get to see the rest of this incredible body
you've been hiding under those combat uniforms of
yours! You would blush to your toes if you knew some
of the fantasies I've had about you, lady," he growled.
"You're lucky I'm in a chivalrous mood tonight!"
"My pirate and shining blaster?" She teased back,
enjoying the new mood between them, different from
anything they had previously shared. His face became
serious again a he slid the shift over her feet,
leaving her completely vulnerable to him. He
drew in a swift breath at the sight of her abundant
curves, perfectly proportioned in even his jaded eyes.
He felt her nervousness and bent to take her mouth with
his once more, deepening the kiss with his tongue.
He gently traced her lips, then searched out the dark
recesses of her mouth, partially fulfilling the
growing need for a deeper joining. Feeling more
secure by the second, she ran her fingers along the
seals of his shirt and spread it open so that she
could explore the differences between them. The
hair on his chest sensitized her palms as she moved
her hands from his shoulder to his belt buckle. He
tensed as she reached lower, explored further.
Feeling his length and size, she marveled at the
differences between them.
He lifted his head to stare at her for her
boldness. "Who exactly is supposed to be teaching
whom here?" He asked with mock sterness.
She wrinkled her nose at him "You mean I don't
get to make my own dance steps?" she teasingly asked
as she once again ran her hand gently over him again,
becoming intrigued. He gasped, arching into her hand
as pleasure speared through him. He let her explore
him for a moment longer, savoring her untutored, but
very effective caress. He gasped again and grabbed
her teasing hand and lifted it with its mate above
"For that, princess, you will pay dearly." He
threatened as he buried his head between her breasts.
His hands stroked down her body, explored the curve
of her small waist, the indentation of her navel.
Stroking her, learning her. All the while his mouth
distracted her with its own forays. Nibbling and
teasing one moment, then consumingly thorough in
She was so caught up in his kiss, she didn't
realize where his caress had wandered to until a
wave of intense pleasure sleeted through her.
Centering on the nub that his fingers had found,
lightly stroking, circling, causing her to cry out.
"Han......ohhh....I don't think.......Goddess!"
His lips found her pulse point, "That's right
baby, don't think, just feel," he crooned in a soft
voice, "let go and just feel." He deepened the
erotic caress, slowly penetrating her warmth,
using two fingers. Searching for and finding
sensitive areas she had no idea even existed.
Moving his thumb back and fourth over the sensitive
bud he had exposed. Gently, insistently, increasing
her pleasure until she was twisting on the bed,
arching up to his hand, becoming wild in his arms as
waves of piercing pleasure built within her. His
ministrations became more intense, quickening with
the pace of her need until she frantically arched
her hips against him, a shocked cry erupting from
her as she convulsed violently in his arms. Waves
of ecstasy rolled through her, ceaselessly, until
finally she collapsed on the bunk, replete and
When she finally opened her eyes, he was leaning
over her with a serious but tender expression on his
face. He stroked her hair for a moment and then
asked in a soft rumble, "No bad moments?" She
stared solemnly at him for a moment and then smiled
at him. It was like watching the dawn move across
her face. 'Gods she is beautiful.' he thought.
He felt like he'd just taken a punch in the gut as
he suddenly realized how much this tiny woman had
infiltrated his heart. Easily entering places in
his soul that no other woman had been able to reach.
It was almost as if he had been waiting for her,
searching for her.
She shook her head at him. "No bad moments," she
answered softly and then pulled his mouth down for
a kiss that brought a suspicious sheen to his eyes
for its sweetness and depth. "What about you?" She
grinned mischievously. "Are you going to be able
to walk any time soon?" And then softer, "Han, let
He cut her off with his mouth. "You won't ever
hear me repeat this princess, but being held by you
was definitely enough to get me beyond excited!"
He admitted as a slight stain graced is cheeks.
"I pride myself on my stamina your highnessness,
so don't expect any mercy from me the next time!"
She smiled at both his embarrassment and her
ability to excite him to that point. It was a
heady to think that she had that kind of power over
him. It went both ways definitely, but the knowledge
was still very sweet. "I stand forewarned, sir."
She teased, then sobered. "Will there be a next time
Han?" She asked with a betraying catch to her voice.
He brushed his fingers over her face and said
softly, "I give you my pledge that there will be a
next time," the words sounding oddly formal. "Leia,
I have to pay off Jabba but I will come back. And
when I do, we're going to lock ourselves in to some
nice little hidey hole where no one, and this includes
protocol droids, can find us. And we're not coming
back out for a solid week!" He leered at her
playfully. "Think you can survive a whole week of
just me and my gorgeous body?"
She swatted his arm for that conceited statement
and surprising him, swung her leg over his torso and
straddled his waist Looking down at his face she
watched (and felt) him become increasingly distracted
by her new position. "What I think is that now that
I know what I was missing, I think you had better get
back to me in a damn hurry! I might just decide to
try this with someone else." She didn't have to wait
long for a reply.
"Someone else, like who? Luke?" All teasing gone,
he gave her a hurt look that made her wrap her arms
around him tight. She sighed. This discussion was
getting into serious ground now.
She gathered her thoughts and then tentatively she
said, "What I feel for Luke is as strong as what I
feel for you, Han. But it's a totally different
emotion." She brushed a wayward lock of hair off of
his forehead and continued. "I can't explain it
any better than to say that." She paused and then
grinned at him wickedly. "I've never really had
the urge to strip Luke naked and use him as a dining
He blinked at her and then gave a shout of laughter.
"You're not the only one with fantasies, Solo." She
said, fighting her embarrassment at the confession.
He gathered her close once again, still shaking
with laughter "On all fours or on my back?" he
asked while tracing a path down to her stomach with
"On your back of course, can't let the best parts
go to waste!" She said, gasping a little as his
mouth moved even lower. "Um...Han? Han...what...
Ohh! You shouldn't...ahh...I don't... Oh Goddess!"