This is a sequel of sorts to my first Seinfeld story, The
Blowjob, which was very well received, hopefully people like this
one just as much.
You must be of the legal age to read pornographic material in your
state/country to read this story. Not reading this disclaimer doesn't
free you from this restriction, You release me from all legal
responsibility by reading this story.
You won't find too much sex in this story I'm afraid - sorry,
sorry, sorry - this is more of a humor story, and the concentration will
be on comedy - but there will be some ordinary sex, I promise.
If you like this story you can contact me at :
Why not check out one of the following sites, which contain
my and/or other Author's stories. Please take note that these are
NOT my websites, I'm just an Author.
01 : http://www.dimitrisarchive.com/ - JayDee's site, includes all my
stories, other authors and Showtime.
02 : http://www.asstr.org or ftp://asstr.org/pub/Authors/Dimitri - The
Alt Sex Stories Text Repository, the most constantly up to date collection
of my stories, because I update this directory!
03 : http://www.giffer.com - excellent, 100% free, lots of areas,
special area for my stories.
04 : http://www.GreyArchive.com (The Grey Archive, very popular, well
put together site with several of my stories).
05 : http://fanfiction.majorhost.com/index.html - Rogues Erotica,
constantly updating site with something for everyone.
06 : http://members.tripod.com/~sneal_ The X-Men Erotica Archive -
features My Marvel Comics series.
07 : http://www.angelfire.com/tx/TvArcive/ - Age Of Onslaught &
Star trek : Original Series story available here.
08 : http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Hills/2506/foepage/ JamF's
FOEpage, features the GenX parts of my Marvel : Herald Of
Armageddon story and X-Files : Grandmaster, with images included.
09 : http://booyani.majorhost.com - Dedicated to the perversion
of your favorite videogame, comic book and anime characters since
I hope you enjoy the story, I hope it makes you laugh - my
advice is to imagine the way the actors themselves would say or do
things - it'll probably make it better.
Seinfeld - No Man's Land.
Elaine moaned happily as she faked her orgasm, clenching down
around Marlon's cock with her cunt.
- Men are such idiots, - she thought smugly as she watched him
stiffen and shoot his sperm into his condom, - Tighten your pussy a
couple of times and they think they've given you the fuck of the
Elaine usually came with Marlon, but today she just hadn't been
into it and really just wanted to watch Letterman, so she faked it.
"Wow!" gasped Marlon, pushing forward a couple more times, his
admittedly large cock pushing apart her cunt,"Some fuck, huh?"
"Oooh yeah baby, you're the greatest," she moaned back at him.
He slowly pulled out and flopped onto his back, his cock was
slightly softened, and had fallen back onto his belly, it looked like
a little blind man in a slicker and Elaine stifled a giggle, if there
was one thing men hated it was to be laughed at when they were naked.
"Say, wanna watch Letterman?" she asked him, picking up the
"Yeah, whatever," he moaned, like most men Marlon lost interest
in everything just after sex.
She flicked it on, Letterman was introducing his first guest of the
evening, Jennifer Love Hewitt.
"Man, she's hot," muttered Marlon through half-closed eyelids.
"Hmmm?" asked Elaine.
"I love women with big tits," he whispered, half asleep now.
Elaine grinned,"Then you must love me!"
Marlon looked over at her with an almost disinterested look, he
rolled over and muttered something before dropping off.
"Huh!" muttered Elaine, losing interest in Letterman.
"What's with the water?" asked Jerry.
"What?" replied George, a phony grin on his face,"A guy can't
"That's like your seventh glass of water since we got in here."
George looked a little embarassed,"Ummm... I... I'm keeping myself
"Uuhhhh, Georgie Porgie on a fitness kick?" laughed Jerry, just
loud enough so people around them could hear. He knew George hated
people to think he was insecure about his health and fitness, even though
"What's wrong with keeping in shape?"
Jerry raised an eyebrow,"I think you left being in shape behind
in grade school."
"So anyway," he said,"I heard that you gotta drink sixty cups of
water a day to keep hydrated... man! sixty! No wonder I'm in such bad
shape, I haven't been getting enough water!"
"Yeah, that's the reason," Jerry murmured.
Elaine entered the cafe.
"Lainee!" cried Jerry.
"Hmmmph," Elaine hmmmphed, sitting down next to Jerry.
"What's the problem?" asked Jerry, but before she could reply
"The water jug is empty... is it to much to ask they kept it
"Yeah George," grunted Elaine, rolling her eyes,"It real high on
their list of priorities."
"I'm going to get some more, you gotta have sixty cups of water
a day you know."
He got up and walked to the counter, Elaine turned to look at
"Sixty cups? Shouldn't that be six tea cups?"
Jerry smiled, thin and sardonic,"Shhhh, this is more fun than
George returned, he poured himself a glass of water and sat down,
as he took his first sip he glanced at his watch.
"Oh wow!" he said, putting the glass down,"I have to meet Linda
at her work, I gotta go."
He stood up and grabbed the glass, bringing it to his lips he
threw his head back and swallowed it all down, thumped it on to the table
and walked out with a brief wave at the two of them.
"I guess that's a loser's idea of a kegger?" Elaine
commented,"Hey, what's Linda like, he's been going out with her for
nearly a month now... for us that's huge."
"Yeah, he's been saying he's gotten really comfortable with her,
so I think we know what's next...."
"Yep, he's gonna dump her."
The waitress finally realized that Elaine had arrived and came to
take her order, she got a slice of apple pie.
"Anyway," she said as the waitress left,"Last night me and Marlon
were watching Letterman..."
"Exciting night, huh?"
"Funny, put it in your act," returned Elaine just as
quickly,"But anyway, plastic fantastic Jennifer Love Hewitt comes on
"Man she's got great...."
"They're fake," said Elaine.
"Yeah, like I'm taking your word on that again."
"Shut up and listen.... she comes on and Marlon says that he
loves girls with big tits...."
"Oh boy, that's No Man's Land."
"You're damn right, he's lucky I didn't blow his kneecaps off
right then and there.... but the important thing is that he says that he
loves girls with big tits."
"Big tits, I got that bit down straight."
"AND I say,'Well then, you must love me,' and he just rolls over
and says,'yeah, whatever,'!"
Jerry whistled, maybe in appreciation of the obvious bravery (or
reckless stupidity) of Marlon.
"Can you believe that! He doesn't think I have big tits!"
She said this loud enough to attract several patron's attention,
and some murmured a few lewd comments to their partners.
"Ehhhh," said Jerry, shrugging.
Elaine's eyes narrowed and she looked closely at Jerry.
- Uh oh, No Man's Land, - Jerry thought, wishing George was still
here to get him out of this, he belatedly realized George had also skipped
out without paying his part of the cheque.
"So?" repeated Jerry, pretending he didn't understand the question.
"So, are these.." she cupped her breasts through the black jacket
she was wearing,"... big or aren't they?"
"I couldn't possibly comment," said Jerry.
"Come on Jerry, we used to do it.... you should know!"
"No, that part of my life is behind me," Jerry said, raising his
hands up in protest,"Re-opening that will just cause more problems than
"No Lainee, the door is locked."
Jerry went through the motions of locking a padlock and
swallowing the key, then sat back with arms folded over his chest, looking
very pleased with himself.
"Ahhh forget it," she growled, she spooned a mouthful of her
apple pie up and began chewing on it, not really tasting it.
- No wonder he can't hold a steady girlfriend. -
The Next Day.
George swallowed the last of the glass of water.
"You need to use the toilet?" Jerry asked, they were in his
"Nope," said George, trying to hide his pride,"I can hold it."
"You know doing that can cause prostrate damage and make it
harder to maintain an erection in your golden years," said Kramer, he was
sitting on Jerry's couch, eating individual cornflakes from the box, he
every so often looked closely at one and then laid it aside on the cushion
next to him.
"I really don't think that's going to be a problem," replied
George,"I have trouble enough getting sex as it is now."
"Linda not putting out?" asked Jerry, standing by the sink in
the kitchen, cleaning one of several glasses George had already used that
"Oh no, plenty of sex, great stuff," said George with a smile,"But
it's only a temporary thing, I don't think I've got what it takes to be
in a long term relationship."
"Don't despair," Kramer said, eyeing one cornflake
seriously,"There must be thousands of desperate woman out there, and
sooner or later one of them will lower their standards enough."
"Gee, thanks," muttered George.
"Yeah, you feel better now, don't you," Kramer said, satisfied
in knowing he had helped someone.
The intercom buzzed, Jerry pushed the button.
"Come on up."
"Oh yeah," said Kramer,"I gotta meet Scotty," he stood up, leaving
a small pile of rejected cornflakes on the couch,"Hey buddy, you're getting
gypped by your cereal provider, you should try Louies on 32nd."
"No, I like Solomans," replied Jerry,"I'll stick with them."
"You're living their lie," Kramer said,"Here, take this brochure
of Scotty's, it's fascinating."
Jerry took the brochure.
"The Jewish/Nazi Global Financial Conspiracy?" Jerry cried in
disbelief,"What the hell is this?"
"Oh it's amazing stuff."
"Kramer, you don't believe that do you?" asked George.
"Of course not," laughed Kramer, rolling his eyes at Jerry in
mock despair,"But it all goes toward research for my new book."
"You're writing a book!" cried George, performing a memorable
spit-take with his glass of water.
"It's not another coffee table book is it?" asked Jerry,"Not
after last time."
"No no, it's called,'Conspiracy or Common-Sense, beliefs of the
top 100 'psychos' of New York City.'"
"Ahhh," murmured Jerry,"An auto-biography."
Kramer left as Elaine entered, they bumped into each other at
the door and tried to sidestep, constantly getting into each others way
until Elaine pushed him to the side and stormed in.
"Feisty," muttered Kramer with a little grin, then he left.
"So he did it again," she cried.
"Marlon?" asked Jerry.
"What?" asked Elaine angrily.
George's smile widened,"Sorry, Marlon's a silly name."
Elaine shook her head in disgust and turned back to face Jerry,
who had his back to her as he put George's waterglasses away.
"I asked him again and he didn't answer, he just kissed me and
carried me into the bedroom, then you know what happened?"
"We had sex!"
"Crazy bastard," Jerry murmured.
"And it was great!" she cried, as if this was a crime.
"Son of a bitch," George said emphatically.
"And he didn't once touch my tits!" she said as she grabbed an
apple from Jerry's fruit bowl.
George's eyes dropped to her chest, then quickly raised back
up, she was looking right at him.
"Hey George," said Elaine seriously, biting into her apple
and looking him directly in the eyes. He hated it when she did that,
if he looked right back into her eyes for too long she might think he
was staring, but if he dropped his gaze she would think he was checking
"Yeah?" he replied, pretending interest in something on the
end of his finger.
"Do you think I have big breasts?" she asked as she took a chunk
out of the apple.
"Oh boy," whispered Jerry to himself from behind the fridge
door, he remained bent over, pretending to be looking for some kind of
food - George is in No-Mans Land now! -
George had raised his eyes and was looking with a vacant gaze
at nothing in particular, after a few seconds Elaine snorted in derision
"Hey George! Earth to George, come in George."
"Oh I'm sorry," mumbled George, breaking out of his reverie,"I
was just wondering if there was any possible way to answer that question
without getting beaten up?"
"Geez!" cried Elaine,"Can't a girl get a guy to answer a simple
question about her tits?"
She ignored George's dumbfounded expression and turned to Jerry.
"Why is it so hot in here?"
"Ahhh, I think the radiator is busted, I'll get the super to
check it out."
She finished her apple and through it in the bin.
"I guess I better go, I haven't been into work yet."
"It's six o'clock!" cried Jerry,"I think it's a bit late to go
"Won't they notice you weren't in?" asked George.
"Ehhhh," replied Elaine non-commitedly, shrugging,"I'm going to
go home and get into a tight top, maybe I'll walk by a couple
of construction sites."
"What was all that with Elaine wanting me to look at her breasts?"
"Uhhh, she just wants to know if her tits are big or small... to
tell the truth I can't remember, we usually did it with the lights off
or under the sheets."
George didn't seem to be listening to Jerry's lie.
"Do you think she has a thing for me?" asked George seriously,
Jerry sputtered in shock.
"Where'd you get that from?"
"I think she might have a thing for me, these glasses of water
have made a new man out of me Jerry!"
"You're crazy!" cried Jerry,"Besides, in the incredibly remote,
totally impossible chance that she does have a thing for you, you're
going out with Linda."
"You're right," said George seriously,"Only one thing I can
"Me and Linda have to break up."
"Linda and I," Jerry corrected.
"Sorry Mr Grammer! Linda and I have to break up."
"You're going to dump her?"
George laughed,"Dump a woman when she's still willing to have
sex with me! Don't be stupid Jerry!"
"How foolish of me."
"Yeah, I gotta get her to dump me."
"And just how are you going to do that?"
"I have to make myself as incredibly repulsive and repugnant
to the opposite sex as I can!"
"Well there you go," said Jerry with a grin,"You're already half
One Hour Later.
Linda sat down with George in the cafe, the waitress arrived.
"What'll it be?" she asked.
Jerry and Kramer were sitting watching the two of them at the
"You have to see this," Jerry murmured to Kramer,"George is the
master of getting women to break up with him."
"Yeah," Jerry looked around, then leaned forward slightly,"He's
so good in fact, that he gets them to dump him when he isn't even trying!"
Linda, a tall, rather attractive blonde, ordered a slice of peach
pie, George looked closely at the menu.
"Man, 95 cents for pie... that's expensive!"
"Nice opening gambit," Jerry noted,"Make her think he's tight."
Linda just smiled at him.
George frowned lightly, then his face lightened as he came to
"Banana split sundae," he said with determination,"Chocolate
The waitress moved away.
"Nice," murmured Jerry,"Have you seen him eat sundaes?"
Kramer nodded as he watched George intently, occasionally making
notes,"Yeah, when he was on t.v at the tennis match... man!"
Elaine went walking past a construction site, she wasn't wearing
a bra, she had on a tight white top and had recently spilled cold water
down her top. Her nipples were erect and sticking up through the shirt.
A large worker in a dirty gray world gym shirt and tight, faded
jeans glanced up from the beam he was on and saw her. His face remained
bland, and he looked back down almost immediately.
Elaine stopped, she walked back a bit so that she could get a good
look at him.
"Hey!" she yelled.
The worker looked up, when he saw her he looked around as if he
expected to see suave European type in a tuxedo who she was really talking
"Yeah you," she yelled, exasperated.
"Help you lady?" he asked.
She jutted her chest out, her nipples - erect and visible through
the sheer, wet material - pointing right at him.
"Well aren't you gonna say anything?"
The worker looked about again, he saw his Foreperson, a young
woman who had made it very clear there was to be no sexist cat-calls or
And so he just hung his head down and ignored her, he was in No
George was a mess, chocolate ice-cream was smeared all over his
face as he lapped up the remainder of the ice-cream like an enthusiastic
All around him people were either stifling laughter or looking
away in disgust... but Linda had her elbows on the table, her chin supported
by her hands as she looked at him fond, loving adoration.
"Georgie," she said,"You have a little bit of cream on your
"Oh," he said with a laugh,"Hope no one noticed, that could be
He flicked away a small bit of cream with his little
She grinned at him, and then reached forward and grabbed him by
the tie, leaning forward she pulled him to meet her and kissed him, his
ice-cream smeared lips pressing against hers. Then she pulled away, grabbed
him by the sides of the head and began to lick the cream off his face.
"My goodness," said Jerry,"Wow, that was unexpected."
"Oh yes," said Kramer enigmatically, a small grin on his face,"She
can play the game with the best of them all right."
Linda grabbed the shocked George's tie once more and lifted him
to his feet, she threw a couple of bills onto the table to cover their
cheque, then led him out of the diner. They bypassed Elaine, George's
eyes bugging out as he saw her nipples (the shirt had dried somewhat, so
now her breasts could only just be seen through the fabric) but she didn't
notice. Instead she just headed for Jerry and Kramerís table.
"I went past a construction yard Jerry," she growled, sliding into
the seat next to him,"A construction yard!"
"Nothing! Nada! Zip!"
"Hey," said Kramer,"Here's Scotty... Elaine you gotta meet this
guy, he's fascinating!"
"Is this the guy who thinks Hitler and Moses are best friends?"
"Shhh," replied Kramer, motioning Scotty over.
Scotty was wearing jeans and a leather jacket, he was short,
lightly built and relatively good looking. He approached and slapped
Kramer on the shoulder.
"Hey Cosmo," he said with a grin,"What's the good word?"
"Why today the word is billyclub," said Kramer with a toothy
Scotty laughed, hard and loud, attracting peoples attention, Jerry
and Elaine glanced at each other uneasily.
"You crack me up K-Man!"
"Scotty, these are my friends Elaine and Jerry."
Scotty lifted his hand in a casual greeting.
"Say," said Jerry, turning to face Elaine,"Have you seen Schindlers
List? Powerful movie... filled with the truth you know!"
Elaine looked confused, Kramer mouthed the words 'shut up' at him.
"Schindler's List, eh?" asked Scotty.
"Yes Scotty, You know, based on the TRUE story of Oscar Schindler,
a man who helped save the Jews from genocide by the Germans? Have you seen
that movie Scotty... man, makes you think, doesn't it? The way the Germans
persecuted and tried to murder The Jews."
"Yeah sure," said Scotty, a small grin on his face,"The
Holocaust," he snorted back laughter,"I'll see you later K-Man."
He turned and left.
"Man!" cried Jerry,"Can you believe that guy?"
"Jerry please," Kramer cried,"Don't go about trying to corrupt
chapter seventeen of my book!"
George sat on the bed, Linda lay naked before him.
"You know," he said,"I'm having trouble making ends meet, I'm
always spending my money on porn and fatty foods and I never save anything,
I've been thinking of moving back in with my parents."
"It's great to know you can always go back home," said Linda
with a smile, running her hands over her breasts.
"Hmmm," replied George,"I don't know what my parents will think
though... ever since my mother caught me masturbating things haven't
quite been the same."
Linda grinned,"You don't have to worry about masturbation with
me about George," she lay back on the bed and spread her legs.
"Ehhhh," replied George,"Nah, I still do it, I like to fantasise
about other women, you know, I like to think about having sex with women
who aren't you."
Linda grinned,"Kinky... maybe one day I could be one of these other
women? The cleaning lady, the celebrity, the visiting overseas royal?"
George's cock, erect and screaming for him to get to with the
"Yep, sure," he said,"As long as it's not you."
Linda grinned, running a hand between her legs,"Boy George,
you're the kinkiest man I ever met, come over her and deal to me!"
George sighed, as if in resignation.
Elaine shoved her tits into Marlon's face.
"Come on then, let's see what you've got!" she cried, pressing her
nipples against his mouth.
Marlon grabbed her by the waist, lifted her into the air and spun
her about so she was on all fours. Her ass was pushed up into the air
and she felt his cock press against her cunt.
"You want it, you got it baby!" he said with a laugh and pushed
Soon he was fucking her deep, his cock pushing in and out of
her tight pussy, his hips slapping against her ass with each pelvic
thrust. His hand was wrapped around her waist and his fingers were
grinding against her clitoris. She felt an orgasm approaching, his cock
was driving her cunt wild as he fucked her with deeper, more powerful
"Yeah, that's good!" she cried,"You really got my tits swinging
you're fucking me so hard!" she waited for a reaction, but he just grunted
non-commitedly and continued fucking her.
- Oh great, - she thought, another orgasm ripping through her
body, - Just another regular good fuck. -
"Ahhhh," said George,"That was good."
"Huh?" asked Linda,"What?"
"I'm done," replied George,"Well I guess I'll go to sleep."
He'd fucked her for about three minutes, then her pushed his
hips as hard against hers as he could, moaned and pretended to cum, with
a condom on it made it much easier to fake. He had already slipped the
condom off so she wouldn't see it was empty.
"Ah well, I guess we all have off days," she said.
"Nah," replied George,"It's always like this in my relationships,
the sex is great the first couple of weeks, then it gets progressively
worse," he sipped from the glass of water he had by the bed.
"Not with me it won't George," she said with a grin. She leaned
over him, pressed her large breasts around his cock - which was still
half hard - and began rubbing up and down.
"I'll get you up and ready for a second time before you know
it," she said.
- Stay down! - George yelled at his cock as she tit-fucked him,
but as it always had been, his cock ignored him and did it's own thing.
"All right," laughed Linda,"Let's get going!"
She straddled him, lowered her cunt over his cock, then dropped,
his dick pushing into her pussy.
"Ohhh, all right then," muttered George, resigning himself to
sex with a beautiful woman.
The Next Day.
Jerry sipped at his water.
"Don't tell me you're having sixty glasses of water a day now
too?" asked Elaine with a little grin.
"No, the super was supposed to fix the radiator... it's hot in
Elaine grinned, licking her finger she touched it to her ass, making
a steaming, ssshing noise,"Not me, I'm already hot!"
"Ha, funny," he said sarcastically,"The super, Mr Schultz, was
supposed to fix it but he keeps fobbing me off."
"Why don't you just open a window?"
"Ehhhh... with New York air being what it is... I think it'd be
safer if I just put my head in a gas oven."
The door opened, George had buzzed the intercom a couple of minutes
earlier and Jerry had let him in.
"Great moons of Krypton!" cried Jerry.
George stood in the doorway, dressed entirely in black velvet.
"Oh dear God!" laughed Elaine,"Why are you wearing that? Why?"
George opened his mouth.
"No, no," she laughed,"I don't want to know," she turned and moved
into the toilet, still laughing.
"Still with Linda?" asked Jerry, a little grin on his face.
George moved into the kitchen, grabbed a glass and filled it with
water from the jug in the fridge. He drank it down.
"You know, I had to walk around all day in this, she was cuddled
up to me the whole time saying how soft and.... velvety I was!"
"She was with you at work?"
"WORK! DAMN I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING!"
"You haven't been in? What are you going to tell them?"
"Ehhh?" shrugged George,"I don't think they'll notice, I generally
just sit in my office all day anyway."
"Hey," said Elaine,"Ready to go?"
"Yeah," replied Jerry,"I'll just grab my jacket and we'll see
Mr Schultz on the way out."
"Where are we going?" asked George.
"Oh no," laughed Elaine,"Not you Velvet Smog, you can go home and
get changed first."
"I'll catch up," George said, heading for the toilet.
"Lock up when you leave," Jerry said, then he and Elaine left.
They headed out into the hallway, Kramer, Newman and Scotty were
coming up towards them.
"Hello.... Jerry," said Newman.
"Hello.... Newman," replied Jerry, irritation crossing his face.
They continued on.
"Man, what's Jerry's problem?" asked Scotty as their elevator
"Oh you know these celebrities," laughed Kramer, he clicked his
tongue against the top of his mouth,"Eccentric."
Newman stood in the hallway, his pose dramatic as he stared at
"Jerry Seinfeld," he whispered, his voice filled with bile and
"Seinfeld?" asked Scotty as Kramer checked his reverse
George swallowed the paper cup full of water from the watercooler,
he attempted to crumple it up in a little ball so he could impress Elaine,
but it was too hard, so he quickly threw it into the bin.
"Okay Mr Schultz," yelled Jerry,"When are you going to repair
"Am very busy," replied Schultz, a tall, gray haired German man
in his late fifties. He was dressed in overalls which showed off his
still muscular body, and Elaine had been flirting with him, trying to
get him to notice her breasts, which she kept pushing forward,"Maybe
"It's a sauna in there!" cried Jerry.
"Can't be too bad," he said, pointing at George,"He's wearing
The Next Day.
"I'm telling you," George said, still dressed in black velvet,
sipping at a glass of water,"He's hanging out for a bribe."
"No way, I didn't pick up on that," replied Jerry,"I think he
really is busy."
George snorted,"You're so naive."
"I'm naive? Huh!" laughed Jerry.
"What huh? Huh? What?"
"Forget it," muttered Jerry,"Just drink your water."
Kramer and Scotty walked along the road.
"I'm a little worried," said Scotty,"The way Jerry was talking
when I met him the other day," he looked around furtively,"What
if he's.... one of them?"
"Them?" asked Kramer.
"A member of The Jewish/Nazi Conspiracy," he whispered, looking
"No way, Jerry's a great guy... but between you and me he can be
a bit strange.... anyways, you were saying."
"Yeah, like I said, the conspiracy is filled up with thousands,
maybe even millions of people in seemingly unrelated jobs working together
in an effort to defeat us. They're the soldiers, they work hard like
you and me, but they work for people who seem to get by without regular
jobs but plenty of money...." he paused, as if considering something,"Like
"These overlords are the brains of the operations, it's mainly
The Jews in these positions... the Nazi's are the ones who do the dirty
work, they operate the murders, the protection rackets and all that,
they're like the secret police, the Gestapo guys dressed all in black,
little men who get off on their seemingly irrefutable power over life
- What a load, - thought Kramer, taping it all with
"Fascinating," he said,"Tell me more."
Elaine sat in the car with Marlon.
"Hey," she said.
"Hmmm?" he turned to look at Elaine, she lifted her shirt and
flashed her breasts at him.
"WHA...!?" he cried, and instantly lost control of the car.
"You're saying Elaine doesn't have a thing for me?" asked George,
not believing it at all.
"No!" cried Jerry, his face unable to pull out of a smile even
as he tried to look angry,"Why would you think that? How can you think
"I suppose," said George, sipping the last of his water and then
"Also, you've got Linda, a woman willing to do anything with
you, no matter how depraved. She doesn't care if you live with your
parents, what you look like, if you're good in bed or can't eat without
making a mess of yourself... and what are you trying to do with her?"
"I'm trying to break up with her," said George in
"And what for?"
"For someone with no interest in me."
"And why are you doing these things?"
"Because I'm a stupid, stupid man?"
"Yes! It's the Costanza Curse!"
They were broken off by the sound of screeching brakes and a
sound of shattering glass and metal grinding against stone.
Scotty stood in complete shock, unable to breath. The car had
missed him by inches, smashing into the brownstone.
The door opened and Elaine stepped out, she was unhurt.
"I guess somebody should call an ambulance," she said, an odd
look of satisfaction on her face.
Scotty saw her.
"You!" he said,"Seinfeld's friend!"
He twisted about and saw Jerry coming out of the restaurant
across the road, next to him a short man dressed all in black.
"SHIT!" he cried, leaped over the car and ran for all he was
The paramedic turned to look at Elaine.
"Want to ride in the back with him?"
"Nah," she said, still looking satisfied,"I was gonna break up
with him anyway."
George kissed Linda on the mouth, he held it for a second, let
it linger, leaving the promise of things to come.
"Wow," she said,"You should kiss me like that more often."
"I'm gonna have a shower," he said,"And then in about five hours
we're both gonna need one."
"Sounds good lover," she said,"I can't wait."
Jerry walked into the maintenance cupboard, Schultz was in there.
"Okay Shultz," he said,"Let's talk!"
Scotty had dropped off some brochures at Kramers, now he was
carefully making his way back to the super's exit.
"Okay Schultz," he heard Jerry's voice say,"Let's talk!"
He stopped by the open maintenance cupboard door.
"I want it taken care of Schultz," Jerry said,"Right now!"
"Will take time, is difficult... this one is hard, maybe next
"No! Now!" Jerry seemed to hesitate,"Look, you'll get an extra
twenty for the trouble... but I can't take the extra heat any more, you
have to turn the little bastard off!"
"$20,000 more to turn me off?" whispered Scotty,"He knows I'm
on to him!"
"Okay," said Schultz,"I take care of it, it won't bother you
"Seinfeld!" growled Scotty harshly, then turned and ran for the
George stood in the shower, the water running over his body,
tinkling down into the drain, he could hear it thundering against the
floor, the wall. Glorious, flowing water. The last couple of days
of constant water catching up to him.
"Oh man," he said,"I gotta piss."
He looked around, then looked down at the open drain, which
was quite large.
"What the hell," he said.
Linda stripped off her clothes, with a lust filled grin she stepped
forward and pulled the shower curtain open.
George's head twisted to look at her, she stood with her arms
spread wide, her naked body before him... and a look of horror and disgust
on her face as she saw him piss into the drain.
"OH THAT'S DISGUSTING!" she cried, twisted about and ran from the
"THE COSTANZA CURSE!" screamed George.
The Next Day.
The four of them walked down the sidewalk, discussing various
unimportant things, talking about nothing.
"So Linda broke it off?" asked Jerry.
"Yeah," replied George.
Elaine slid Kramer a twenty dollar note.
"How's the book going?" asked Jerry to Kramer.
"I'm stalled at chapter 17," he replied,"Scotty has disappeared
from the city, he left a weird message on my machine, something about
Hogan's Heroes I think?"
"Well I'm happy," said Jerry,"The radiator in my apartment finally
got turned off... it's cool and breezy in there now."
"So I broke up with Marlon," Elaine said, George chuckled lightly.
"Marlon is a funny name."
"Finished with him?" asked Jerry.
"Yeah, I'd gotten everything I wanted out of the relationship."
They continued walking, past a construction site.
A large worker in a dirty gray world gym shirt and tight, faded
jeans glanced up from the beam he was on and saw her. He looked
around and when he saw that his foreperson wasn't around, he raised up
slightly and yelled out.
"Hey baby! Show us your tits!"
Elaine stopped dead in her tracks, the others continued forward
a couple of steps, then stopped and turned back to face her.
"The guys an idiot," Jerry whispered to Kramer and George,"He
just ran straight into No Man's Land.
"JERK!" she yelled and flipped him the bird.
She moved back to the others, leaving the worker behind with his
face burning red.
"What is it with these assholes, do they think women want to
hear crap like that?"
The story is done, hope you enjoyed it.
You can send compliments, criticisms or constructive comments to
me at :
Until next story.