Don't read if under 18 or illegal in your little corner of the world, like
you'll listen. This should appear on Pal's archive site, through Pal's
yahoo group, on Pal's Forum... well, it basically should be wherever Pal's
stuff is, the Grey archive and at the Television Sex Story Archive,
and some other places they might end up, they know who they are. And
if/when I make a site, there too.

This story contains M/F, and oral If you don't swing that way, stop reading.
This is a PARODY, PARODY, PARODY, I don't own any of the characters, just
"borrowing" them for the sake of the story. I AM USING WITHOUT PERMISSION OF
20th Century Fox, or another subsidiaries I am currently not aware of. So
don't sue me. Please, I only have a computer and one of those toy dogs that
bounce their heads up and down. It isn't worth it.

Well hello folks, how’s it going? Yep, it’s the S to the R to the B here.
This time we got a seriously under-fic-ed show, Samurai Jack. I think I just
made up a word. Maybe I’d have to get rid of the hyphens for it to work never mind. On a side note I am working on a writing manual, so
if you want to give me a hand and help I could really use it.

* denotes thought

Samurai Jack: Episode XXX (Not 30)
by Some Random Bastard ([email protected])

“Help! The Black Dragon has returned!” echoed a voice in the distance.
Without a sound Samurai Jack sprang to attention, his sandaled feet a moving
blur towards the direction of cry of help. As he ran up the hill he could
smell burning, and the loud last pleas of humans before they were...slain.

As Jack scaled the hill the scene before him astounded him. A hideous
dinosaur like black creature was assaulting the town from the skies. From
experience Jack knew this was no dragon. It was a machine created by Aku.
Jack ran to the closest man, knowing before he reached him it would be too
late to help.

“ her...she’s...last cha-cha-nce...” were his last words, his
finger pointing to a high hill near the center of town. Shielding his eyes
Jack surveyed the outlaying hills, and saw upon the highest hill there was
a woman doing battle with the hideous beast.

Jack ran with the quickness of light towards the hill. On his way he saw a
rag tag group of soldiers, all of whom had seen more battle than they were
prepared for. Nevertheless the pack was running towards the Black Dragon.

“Stop! You cannot defeat it!” Jack called to them.

“We have to” cried out one of them, who appeared to be the highest-ranking
soldier. “If we don’t our town will die. It is better to die on our feet than
life on our knees serving a twisted evil like Aku!”

“I will defeat it!” Jack called to them.

“You? What makes you think you will have a better chance than us?” One of
them scoffed, coughing up something before his breathing returned to normal.

“Wait...from the wanted signs! It’s the samurai!” Called out the farthest in
the group.

“The one Aku wants killed at all costs?” another asked, his voice full of

“Maybe he does have a chance to beat it...” said the commander. “Fine, you
can have the first swing at it, but we’re not responsible if you die.”

“Thank you, please tend to the survivors” Jack said, lowering his head and
body, to lower his wind resistance and allow him to run the least amount

With his eye’s peripheral vision he scanned the black beast. It had six
limbs, two legs that it would occasionally stand upon, with the other four
limbs resembling arms with clawed fingers. There was a metallic tail that
seemed to be built to allow it to be swung like a lizard. Upon it’s back
were fashioned two wings that were purely symbolic in nature, for his
flight seemed to be dependent upon rockets located on his feet. *Perhaps
they steer his flight* Jack thought.

Jack finally made it to the hill, and saw the dragon, face to face. Its face
was ferocious, covered in spikes on the outside with teeth that could surely
eviscerate anyone. Quickly scaling the side of the hill he was amazed to find
the girl, and amazed more that she was unharmed, though after battling so
fierce a foe was exhausted.

As he approached he took a second to get a better look at her. She seemed to
be in her mid twenties, perhaps five and a half feet tall and couldn’t have
weighed more than one hundred twenty at most. Her long brunette hair was tied
up in a helmet whose origin Jack could not discern. In fact, he noticed that
her entire garb was varied, with some articles of clothing he could
recognize, and others that were completely foreign.

His check up on the woman he noticed the dragon was coming directly towards
him. No, not towards him, her. She was standing there; sweat covering her
brow, every muscle in her body tightened as she waited for her foe to
attack her. Jack readied himself as the flying brute was ready to attack.

Jack jumped as high as he could, watching in amazement as the woman dodged
the flames coming out of the dragon’s mouth…*FLAMES?* Jack thought,
watching as a pillar of flame spewed forth. The woman showed neither fear
nor trepidation as she struck the dragon’s underbelly with…something. Jack
could not see what it was.

With an “Umph” Jack landed on the dragon’s back, his sandals struggling to
attain enough traction to stay on. Unsheathing his sword he dug it into the
right wing of the beast, but losing his footing he slid, his sword ripping
off the wing but also sending him flying. Jack latched himself on the
metallic slab of metal and rode it to the bottom, leaping off at the last

The dragon swirled out of control, in a deadly spin towards a cliff near a
river. Jack smiled, hoping the crash would end the abomination. What happened
next left him astounded.

“NOOOOO!” cried out the woman, who suddenly cried out a spell that created
an invisible barrier that stopped the dragon, causing some superficial damage
and knocking him back.

“Why did you do that?” Jack asked through his teeth, his sword still drawn
though now at her.

“If he pollutes the river the town is just as doomed,” she cried out at him.

“Who are you?” Jack asked, a moment later a column of flame nearly engulfing

“Now is perhaps not the moment for introductions,” she said. “Be careful for
the claws.”

Jack saw as the dragon approached, his speed was astounding for something
that large. Jack readied his sword. Without warning two of the dragon’s claws
shot towards jack, linked by chains, each link half the size of Jack’s body.
Slashing onto one of the links was to no avail the links would not break.

Jack ran towards the beast, under its massive legs to try to attack from
beneath. An instant later he found himself dodging the fully functional tail
as it whipped around almost as fast as he could jump. Jack scaled the back of
the beast; it’s scaly skin easier to stand upon without going about a hundred
miles an hour.

The beast countered Jack’s movement by striking at it’s own body. Jack leapt
a few times from side to side, and then waited for the dust to settle. To his
horror there was nothing more than a dent where any human would be crushed.

The Black Dragon swung it’s body around, sending Jack flying back, the
back of his gi (traditional samurai clothing) ripping. Jack could feel
his consciousness fading as he peered up to see the dragon approaching.
Struggling to compose himself he saw no exit from his situation. Leaning
upon his sword, Jack readied himself for a brutal attack.

It did not come. Instead a mighty flaming stone from the sky struck the Black
Dragon, knocking it to the ground. Jack jumped back, watching in amazement as
the woman continued chanting a spell, as more meteorites from the sky
assaulted the dragon.

“It will not stop him” Jack said, catching his breath.

“I know, but it stopped him from killing you” she said, her voice nearly
faint. Jack worried she could not continue this battle.

“What would you have me do?” he asked, watching the dragon get up, his chest
seared with burn marks and small dents, but otherwise undamaged.

“Me? I was under the impression you had an idea how to defeat the dragon” she
said with a half smile.

“This is no dragon, it is a robot of Aku’s. And I am Jack” he said, his mind
thinking as fast as he could of a way to defeat this foe.

“I knew as much. And I am Astryr” she said.

“I see. Steel yourself, I have an idea” Jack said, running fast. With a
mighty jump he tumbled down the hill, seconds later she had lost where he
was. Suddenly the Black Dragon had returned, his four claws shining, ready
to finish the battle.

The dragon ran forward at it’s top speed, each second bringing him closer to
her. Suddenly she heard a sound, not a second long, a sword being unsheathed.
The dragon then attacked.

With a cry Jack leapt forward, the same second the dragon attacked. All four
of the dragon’s claws aimed at her struck him instead, ripping into his gi
and into his flesh yet none of which slowed him down. Lunging with his sword
in both arms he struck the beast’s mouth, dodging the teeth of the behemoth
as well as the sparks of lightning that were given life when his sword and
the beast met. Suddenly the spark lit a fire. The dragon pulled back a
second, but it was too late, the fire had already made it’s way down the
dragon’s gas spewing metallic esophagus and into it’s body’s center, where
the gas was.

Astryr watched in amazement as Jack jumped into the air, his actions seemed
like slow motion as the Black Dragon blew up, the force of the explosion
pushing the samurai away from it, however in his state he could not control
his landing. She ran over to him, watching to be sure the abomination died.

Catching her breath she checked him over. He had a rather nasty concussion
and there were scars across his chest and arms, but his pulse was strong and
he didn’t seem to have broken more than a rib or two.

* * *

When Jack woke up his head was heavy with thought. He looked around the room;
it seemed to be in a wooden house, a bedroom with one window that poured
sunlight into the room.

The second thing he noticed was he was in his underwear. No, he also had a
large bandage wrapped around his chest. Trying to move he felt the pain that
warranted the bandages. As he looked around the room he made a note that his
sword was mounted upon the wall hooks and sandals were lying on the ground.

“The Black Dragon!” Jack said.

“Well, look who is up,” Astryr said, coming through the doorway. Jack noticed
she had changed her clothes, she was wearing a more traditional summer dress.
“Do not worry, it would seem the tales the children speak do not do you
justice, the dragon is slain”

Jack let out a sigh of relief. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Not long, only two days. You are an exceptional healer you know, I only had
to clean the wounds and apply a balm, and they have almost healed,” she said,
examining him from the doorway.

“And the villagers?” Jack asked, closing his eyes.

“Thanks to the efforts of the captain, who sends his regard, the human loss
was...not as bad as it could be” Astryr said, her lip tightening slightly.

“I was just making some tea, would you like some?” she asked.

"Yes, I would appreciate that” Jack said, a moment later his stomach

“And something to eat as well” she said with a smile, walking out of the

* * *

“Thank you” Jack said as she entered, carrying a plate of steamed rice and
vegetables and a cup of green tea.

“Your welcome” she said, handing it to him.

“I’m afraid you have me at a bit of a disadvantage. You seem to know quite
a bit about me,” Jack started.

“And you know nothing about me, very well” she said, pulling up a stool and
sitting next to him.

“I suppose it all starts from the time when the great darkness filled the
skies. Though he has many names I believe yours was the people that named
him first,” she said.

“Aku...” Jack said.

“Yes. When his evil spread ‘round the world there were many that stood
against him. Perhaps out of foolishness or arrogance my people tried alone
to defeat the evil. He was ready for us…it was a slaughter, what few of our
numbers were left scattered in the hopes of preserving our magiks,” she said,
pausing a moment.

“As for myself, there is little to tell to be honest. My forefathers
stopped in this area because of its unimportance to Aku. He has only become
interested as of late because of the village,” she said, looking out the

“Because of the village?” Jack asked, looking out the window as well.

“Inspired by your acts many of the younger generation are rebellious,
spiteful of Aku’s evil and have adopted a philosophy of self determination.
They see your acts and do not understand your destiny is separate from
others. They…they in turn paid for their arrogance with the dragon,” Astryr
said with a sigh.

“The fault is none other than Aku’s. His treachery and deceit know no limit,”
Jack replied.

“Perhaps, though that will never return to the mother her son died on a
battlefield he should not be at nor could he affect” Astryr said. “I’m sorry,
life must be different for you”

“How so?” jack asked.

Astryr paused a moment, then said a bit sheepishly, which was
uncharacteristic of her, “You win, we do not”

“I…see” Jack said. “Though I am no stranger to loss or defeat. Aku’s evil
destroyed my village, enslaved my people, and sent a five-year-old boy to
train to become the only hope to defeat the world’s greatest evil,” Jack

“Enough, the day is growing late and you need your rest” Astryr said.

* * *

Jack awoke with a start. He could sense something about, stirring. The light
of the moon shone brightly through the window, illuminating the room. Pulling
the covers to one side he stood up, walking to the windowpane. The village
was at sleep in the night time. Even the gentle flow of the water and the
stirrings of the night creatures could not break the solace of the moment.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Astryr asked

“I thought I heard something, I was apparently wrong” Jack said, still
looking out the window.

“Well, I suppose you won’t be here for much longer, now that you have
recuperated” Astryr said.

“No, my journey must go on” Jack said, his voice unwavering.

“Well, since this may be the last night we have left, there was one last
thing I wanted to do,” she said, stepping towards him.

Turning around, Jack started saying “What is it that you wa-“ however he was
interrupted by Astryr kissing him. It took him by surprise at first, it had
been a long time since the last time he had any kind of romantic contact with
a woman.

“Catch my drift?” she asked coyly. Jack didn’t say a word, he just nodded.
“First thing to do is take these off” she said, reaching around to his back,
her body pressed against his, in order to undo his bandages. Pulling back a
few inches the bandages fell. She stood there a moment, admiring his muscular
chest in the moonlight. She ran her fingers across the multitude of scars
that had accumulated on his chest from his rugged lifestyle.

She brought her face towards his, opening her mouth their lips once against
intertwined. Midway through the kiss he wrapped his arms around her and
lifted her up, bringing her to the bed.

Astryr unzipped the back of her dress, and let gravity do its job. She lay
on the bed, her full figure inviting him over. Jack lay down, placing small
kisses along her neck as his hands roamed around her body. He grabbed her
right breast in one hand, the coarse texture of his hand was unexpected to
Astryr, but it only provided a new sensation there.

As Jack continued to manipulate her firm ample breasts, his other hand
journeyed farther down. He slowly began to rub his fingers up and down her
labia through her soft panties, feeling the wetness grow with each rub.
Astryr moaned as Jack continued to masterfully manipulate her body. She
could feel Jack’s penis through his underwear. Though the moonlight still
shone through Astryr was not able to determine its length, she only knew
two things, it was large, and it was hard.

Breaking away from Jack for a moment, she turned him onto his back. She
kissed him on the mouth, and then headed south all the while planting kisses
along his chest.

She pulled his underwear down, and was surprised to come face to organ with
Jack’s uncircumcised ten inch purple headed warrior. She started at the base,
slowly licking up and down his penis. Each stroke was longer and faster.
Before much longer she was licking the entire length of his penis at a time.

Jack let out a visceral groan as Astryr opened her mouth and let him in. As
she took more and more of his wide member in her mouth, she rubbed her tongue
on the underside. Getting into the spirit of things, Astryr began to gently
play with Jack’s testes, gently groping them as she swallowed more and more
of his sword.

She continued on her blow job, starting to get into a steady up and down
rhythm. Jack grabbed onto the side of the beds and gritted his teeth to stop
himself from crying aloud, the sensations he was feeling were indescribable.
With each passing bob of her head she took in more and more of his member in
her hot wet mouth. She continued to speed up, now swallowing almost his
entire penis with each passing bob.

Only a few more rounds and she was swallowing his entire penis. She was
taking in the entire length of his shaft with each downward motion, and
almost pulling it out of her mouth with each upward motion. She could taste
the strong, sweet taste of precum in her mouth.

She felt Jack’s balls begin to surge and she knew what was coming. With a
muffled grunt Jack climaxed. A split second later Astryr was choking on shot
after shot of his semen. Years of pent up cum was being pumped out of Jack’s
body. Astryr would have smiled if her mouth was not filled with Jack’s
member. She was left with little recourse other than to swallow his load,
which seemed like gallons, though it was probably closer to a quart.

Several minutes and several dozen pumps later Jack was momentarily spent.
Astryr lifted her head up, a little dribble of cum was stuck on her lip. A
moment later she licked it up and smiled towards Jack.

Jack went straight to his duty. He laid Astryr down, beads of sweat dripping
off his head. He slowly peeled her soft, slimy panties down, then positioned
his member at the entrance of her womanhood. Jack slowly thrust himself
forward into her tight dripping wet slit. Her body was tight but yielding,
as Jack drove more and more of his purple headed warrior into her.

Astryr spread her legs wider, Jack had the largest member she had ever seen,
and she wanted it all in her. As Jack continued she began to rub her clit
with one hand, moaning all the while.

A minute later Jack was fully in her. He started pumping in and out of her
in a slow rhythm, each thrust forward sent her ample breasts heaving up and
down. Jack reached his hands down, slowly playing with her rock hard pink

Astryr couldn’t help but squeal out in pleasure with each thrust. Jack was
going faster and faster with each thrust, and she could hardly think
straight. Her nipples felt like they were on fire, and Jack’s constant
attention was bringing waves of pleasure from both erogenous zones. She had
never had anything nearly this good before.

Jack could tell she was nearing climax, and suddenly slowed his pace down.
Astryr let out a frustrated sigh, she was so close to orgasm and yet
temporarily denied. She could feel her body almost gushing love juices at
what was happening to her.

Jack watched as the girl writhed in pleasure from each thrust. Jack began to
nearly pull himself out, then thrust in, making each thrust more dramatic,
and heaving her body more and more. Astryr was frantically rubbing her
button, whole heartedly seeking climax. Jack decided to comply, and without
warning increased his thrusting dramatically. His penis was perhaps now
harder than his blade as he plunged in and out of her wet love box at
breakneck speed.

“I’m gonna...AHHH!” she cried out as her entire body was plunged into an
ocean of pleasure, drowning out everything else in the world but her and
Jack. Her body writhed, her nipples and clit were covering all of her other
senses with indescribable pleasure. Every second, every thrust furthered the
orgasm. She was in so much pleasure she couldn’t even formulate words, her
eyes glossed over and her mouth struggling to breath.

Jack, on the other hand, was not finished yet. He continued to bang her as
she was overcome by orgasm, though he slowed it down. Five minutes later,
Astryr was capable of intelligent thought again. She looked up, her mind
half inebriated by her orgasm, and saw that Jack was still going. The orgasm
sharpened her senses, and now her nipples were more sensitive, and her clit
was unbelievable. Each lunge forward felt like a mini-orgasm.

Jack leaned in, lying on top of her as he continued. He moved his mouth to
her nipple, taking a gentle playful little nibble. Astryr cooed, she enjoyed
this and wanted more. Jack continued to lick, suck, and nibble her small pink
nipples. He took her other breast with one hand, softly rolling his fingers
across her nipples as his other hand was down at her clit, rubbing

Astryr was in heaven, she could barely even think beyond pleasure. Jack was
thrusting with such intensity that his balls were smacking her on her little
pink rosebud anus each time he pushed forward. That in combination with her
clit going off, her nipples literally gushing forth pleasure, and Jack’s ten
inch purple headed warrior going off inside her was almost too much. Almost.
She could already feel a second orgasm building up.

Jack on the other hand was doing everything he could to hold his approaching
orgasm off. He wanted to make sure to time it just right. Jack gritted his
teeth and continued to try to hold himself off with every drive. He continued
to go faster and faster, his body almost becoming a blur to Astryr.

“I’m gonna...gonna...” she started, but was interrupted by Jack.

“AAAAAHHHH!!!” he cried as he climaxed. He timed it just right, as his hot
white little warriors coating her love box sent her over the edge into her
second orgasm. Jack continued to thrust, feeling her body convulse and her
canal clamping down on his member and making each shot harder to shoot but
it prolonged his orgasm and made it that much more powerful. He continued,
shooting blast after blast of hot man jam into deep in her.

Jack pulled himself out, his penis still shooting. Splurt after splurt of
semen flew out onto Astryr, some of it covering the small patch of pubic
hair over her slit, but much gobs flying out onto her stomach and breasts,
some even hitting her face. Jack let out a great sigh as he was spent. A
couple minutes later Astryr ability to talk returned.

“Thanks” she said, getting up. “I’d stay with you, but the bed is too small.”

“It is I who should thank you” Jack started to say, but stopped when Astryr
looked at him funny for a second. Giving up on the idea of pillow talk, Jack
simply said “Good night”

* * *

The next morning when Jack woke up he found his gi (which had been restored),
sandals, and his sword sitting on a chair next to his bed. On top of them was
a note, which said:

Dear Jack,
I never was one for long goodbyes. Thanks for last night;
it was the most fun I’ve had in a long while. I have to be
off for some business, but I wanted to tell you that there
is a legend of a magical power in the North. It might be
bunk, but I suppose it’s worth checking out.

Love, Astryr

P.S. When you get to Aku, give him one for all of us here.

Jack finished reading the note, put on his gi and sandals, and threw his
sword on his back. He gave one last look to the window, and smiled before
heading out.

Watch out!

Episode XXX (Not 30)

Well that was fun. Sorry for the purple headed warrior bit, but I just had
to, I didn’t want to, I had to. Well okay I didn’t have to, but whatever.
Screw off if you don’t like it, send me some email if you did. If you really
like it and have a lot of extra free time this summer, you should help beta
my writing manual. And if you don’t then send me a simple thanks email at
least. Worship emails accepted as well.

(This file was created by SomeRandomBastard, so send all flames there.
Don't use without permission, and don't claim it's yours. Spread freely as
long as this and the disclaimer above as well as the story entirely are
untouched, unedited, and worshipped for the holy script they are not.)

Critiques, comments, flames, any responses are welcome, if they are pro,
then I'll consider making more. Don't be a jerk, send me a simple 2-minute
or less message saying, hey, this was good. Thanks. Wow, so hard.


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