Disclaimer: all characters the property of Paramount corporation. Otherwise, this story remains the property of the author; may be freely distributed provided it is not altered in any way.

Warning: this story contains graphic depiction of sexual acts and a gratuitous baseball reference at the end.... :-)

Star Trek - Voyager: Identity Crisis (MF)
by JoAnne Soper-Cook

Lieutenant Carolyn Seward slipped gratefully into the holodeck, sighing in relief as the heavy double doors slid shut behind her. She pressed a hand to her forehead and rubbed the space between her eyebrows...another killer migrane forstalled by a little rest and recreation. Thank Goddess for the holodeck, she thought: surely this room would be the one thing to save her sanity on the eternal trip back to Federation space.

She traversed the perimeter of the room, her boot heels tapping hollowly in the empty space. She supposed she could have asked the computer to generate any one of thousands of generic natural landscapes, from any one of thousands of alien worlds, but it was better to see it empty like this, first. That way, she could plan her simulations from the ground up, creating something that was entirely unique, rather than a set of random variables assembled by the computer's logic circuits.

Seward's specialty was environmental engineering which comprised everything from starship life support to the design of ergonomic utensils for the mess hall. She had gone into the Academy wondering if doing so was a mistake: she had initially thought that design college would be preferable. But her artistic, creative mind hid a more precise, logical part of her, and this was the part that excelled in the rigourous training program that eventually led to her success in environmental engineering. That she had gotten posted to Voyager had been mere fluke: her name had been on the duty roster and had come up for crew selection, and she had accepted the assignment. She hadn't bargained on being marooned so far from Federation space that there was dim hope of ever getting home in her lifetime. Her escape into the holodeck was not merely recreation, but good mental hygeine, she felt. Some time in an alternate setting might well prevent her from going insane when fear and despair threatened.

Having perused the empty space throughly, she now knew what she wanted, could visualise it in her mind's eye. 'Alright then,' she thought, 'let's begin.' "Computer, program a woodland setting, European..." Seward immersed herself fully in her task, and the ache between her brows lessened. If she tried hard enough, she could just about forget about the starship that existed outside of those heavy double doors. Just about.

* * *

Chief Medical Officer's Personal Log, Supplemental: As usual, I am severely short-staffed here. The current epidemic of Tyrosian flu has attacked no less than one-third of the crew complement, and Kes and I are having problems keeping up. In addition, our supplies of antibiotics are running dangerously low, with no hope of immediate replenishment. I see no other alternative but to begin experimentation on synthesising our own. To that end, Kes has begun a series of trials using the basic molecular structure of Daloxogin, to see whether or not we can synthesize and replicate other antibiotics of similar structure and hopefully, function. In the mean time, I have been experiencing difficulty with the holographic emitters here in Sickbay, resulting in periodic weakening of my magnetic containment field, with unfortunate results: twice this morning I have disappeared out of Sickbay and reformed in the holodeck, which is the only other place on the ship capable of supporting a hologram. I do hope Ensign Ferris will forgive my intrusion into the simulation he was sharing with Lieutenant Damok. It was simply not my fault....

* * *

"God damn!" Peter Ferris moved slightly to peer over his lover's shoulder at the patch of open meadow where the holographic doctor had just appeared. He and Lieutenant Galen Damok were both in significant states of undress, and had thought to enjoy a blissful afternoon of simulated sunbathing and other sundry delights, but were repeatedly interrupted by the unscheduled appearence of the Doctor, some distance away.

"Why do you suppose he keeps doing that?" Damok, a handsome young Bajoran, rolled up on one elbow to peruse the meadow. "He just stands there."

Ferris grimaced. "Except this time he's got a tricorder in his hand."

"Do you think he's spying on us?" Damok grinned as a sudden amusing thought occurred to him. "Maybe this is his way of saying he wants to join us!"

"Damok!" Ferris frowned. "God, I hope not...I want you all to myself."

"Look--he disappeared again!" The young Bajoran man blinked twice to make sure he wasn't suffering any optical illusion, then shook his head slowly. "I dunno...."

Ferris pulled him down onto the soft grass and ran a hand down his lover's hard shoulder. "Never mind him...what about me?"

* * *

The Doctor had reformed in Sickbay again, chagrined and embarrassed beyond measure. "Sickbay to Janeway." He slapped his commbadge, a peremptory gesture.

"Janeway here. What is it, Doctor?"

"It happened again. I want someone to look into this *immediately* Captain!"

"We're very busy, Doctor..."

"But..." He noticed Kes working nearby and moved away, lowering his voice. "It was *embarrassing*, Captain!" He recalled the incident with hot shame. "Ensign Ferris and Lieutenant Damok were sharing a private simulation and I---"

In the ready room, Janeway's eyes widened, then crinkled with amusement when she realised the full impact...apparently the Doctor had found two of the crew *in flagrante delicto* and was having a hard time dealing with it. "I'll send Lieutenant Torres down immediately to look into it." Janeway paused, bit her bottom lip mischeviously. "Unless you'd prefer Ensign Ferris? He's an expert in holographic technology?"


"Janeway out."

* * *

Still, it was already midmorning by the ship's chronometer, and still no sign of Torres. The Doctor wondered if Janeway was putting him off...what would he do if it happened again? And upon whom would he intrude this time? He slid a glance sideways to where Kes sat, running some test simulations on the new drug, blissfully absorbed in her work, and unaware of the Doctor's dilemma. What if Kes and Neelix...? A mental picture of a naked Neelix flitted across the Doctor's mind, and he quashed it
immediately with a shudder...ugh...better not to even consider it...undoubtedly, the Talaxian looked as ridiculous naked as he did clothed...

...and considering Kes naked was simply too exquisitely painful...

* * *

Lieutenant Carolyn Seward was very pleased with the way the simulation was progressing so far: already the forest landscape was intact, the little stone church had obligingly appeared right on schedule, and now there just remained the protagonist...

"Computer, program..." She paused, bit her lip indecisively...should she create the man herself, or let the computer surprise her? 'Do I feel that adventurous?' she wondered. "What the hell," she said aloud, having made her decision, "Computer, program one Catholic priest; Jesuit, and install him in the church." This was her favorite part, and her secret fetish, the one thing in the entire simulation that thrilled her the most. Although organised religion on Earth was a thing of the distant past, Carolyn had always been fascinated by historical accounts of these celibate men, who, once they had taken their religious vows, were no longer permitted the pleasures of the flesh! Of course, such vows were not only impractical but psychologically dangerous, and before it ultimately disappeared from existence, the Catholic church had removed the requirement of celibacy for its clergy...some said it was the work of the new Pope, Her Holiness Letitia the Sixth, but this had never been documented.

* * *

"Kes, do you know if we have any---" The Doctor felt the familiar tingle of his weakening containment field before he flickered out of sight. Kes turned with a gasp to see him disappear before her astonished eyes.

"Doctor!" She tagged her commbadge. "Kes to Janeway."

"Janeway here."

"It's happened again, Captain...the Doctor has disappeared!"

Unseen, Janeway rolled her eyes. For a hologram, he sure had a knack for finding the most unusual sorts of trouble. "I'll get someone on it, Kes. Don't worry...he's probably in the holodeck."

* * *

The Doctor had indeed reformed in the holodeck, but not in any simulation he recognised (and thankfully not in one shared by Ensign Ferris and Lieutenant Damok) and certainly not in the
clothes he'd been wearing in Sickbay...The long, dark cassock was unlike anything he recognised. He was in some kind of stone building, a re-creation of ancient Earth architecture, complete with stained-glass windows of a type that hadn't been seen in centuries.

"Ah, there you are!"

He turned at the sound of a female voice. Oh, good, one of the crew! Now perhaps he could get out of here. "Excuse me, Lieutenant..."

"Stop talking." She was moving towards him, a certain determination in her stride. "I'm not interested in any kind of're here for *my* benefit!"

She was quite attractive: chestnut hair, green eyes...but he wondered if she were not suffering some kind of temporary mental abberration....

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I need to get out of here..." He moved towards her and something clanked uncomfortably against his hip. He raised the large wooden cross and peered at it strangely...what was it? And why was it tied around his waist?

"God, I'm so hot!" She pulled her hair out of its fastenings and it tumbled to her waist. "You must be sweltering in that robe, Father..."

"What...?" His brows knit in the middle. "What are you talking about?" The last sentence ended in a gasp as her hand slid down to the juncture between his thighs and squeezed. A rocketing jolt of pleasure sizzled through him, and he realised that he was completely naked underneath the heavy robe....

"You certainly aren't what I expected..." She moved against him, her hips pressed into his pelvis, and her hands were untying the rope around his waist. "My God!" She laughed a little breathlessly, her green eyes bright. "I asked the computer for something different...and you are...but I like it!"

This was becoming very confusing...and he was losing his train of thought as her mouth fluttered against his neck, her teeth nipping gently at his earlobe. "My programs are completely unique. I'm not surprised that you weren't expecting me; I am, to my knowledge, the only one of my kind."

"Shhh...." Her hands clasped his face and she kissed him: a slow, heated slide suffused with lust, her tongue flickering against the tip of his, teasing. The Doctor's eyes fluttered closed and his hands went to her waist as he pulled her against him almost savagely. He returned the kiss she'd offered, his tongue wrestling bluntly with hers in the joined tunnel of their lips, his hands sliding down to cup her firm buttocks, nestle her hips more snugly against him.

She stepped away from him, and her hands went to the front of her uniform, sliding down the zipper and slipping free of the sweater underneath. She moved the closure down until her torso was bare, revealing the milky expanse to his astonished gaze. Her hands cupped her high, firm breasts, her fingers playing over the nipples, and she smiled at him. "I've been a very bad girl, Father...I need you to hear my confession."

'Alright' the Doctor thought, 'it's a religious simulation. I'm supposed to listen to her while she tells me the things she's done...rather like a psychological evaluation.' "Go ahead, my dear...."

"No, not here!" Carolyn's green eyes flickered downwards coyly. "Someone might come in...and I've been a very bad girl..."

The Doctor found it suddenly very hard to swallow, and was more than a little aware of the immediacy of his arousal...naked lust pounded through him as he pondered the kinds of things they might do here. "Where do you suggest, then?"

God, he was cute! "Your rooms are in the back, aren't they? Perhaps we might go there...much more private..."

The Doctor found himself in a spare little room, stark and white, with one narrow bed (little more than a wooden pallet, really) and a washstand. There was another large cross hung over the bed, this one embellished with the figure of a man in an obvious state of agony, and the Doctor suddenly recalled the religious myths of the past...this icon tied in somehow with ancient religious beliefs.

The room was made of the same stone as the church, and had but one narrow window, through which a shaft of sunlight came. As he watched, she slipped out of her uniform, dropping it in a pile near the door, and reclined languidly on the narrow bed, her thighs parted so that the errant shaft of sunlight fell directly on the hot centre of her.

"I've been very, very naughty Father..." As she spoke, one hand slid down between her thighs, and she rubbed herself slowly. "I have impure thoughts all the time...and those young altar boys...oooh!" Carolyn slid a finger into herself, moved it slowly over the pulsing spot just inside her vagina, felt the electric ripple course through her. "And there was this boy, the other night..." Another finger joined the first, slipping languidly, almost luxuriously in and out of her canal, sliding in
the oozing warmth. The Doctor was absolutely rigid, and unaware that he was leaning with his back against the wall, his gaze riveted to that red wetness between her thighs... "Ooooh! I let
him kiss me and touch me! Oh!" She gasped, and her eyes fluttered closed, her hips rising off the bed to meet the insistent caress of her own hand.

The Doctor swallowed with an effort, his gaze traveling from the hot place between her thighs to her high, pink-nippled breasts, the arch of her back, the smooth white roundness of her taut buttocks. The heavy robe he wore was suddenly very warm, and he wanted nothing more than to be free of it.

But she wasn't finished yet. "And worst of all, Father...I have very naughty thoughts about you...." Three fingers, thrusting strongly now, and then her index finger, slippery with her own copious moisture, circling the throbbing bud high up between her thighs; pressing, pinching, rubbing. The Doctor felt a trickle of sticky wetness soaking into his skin...his knees felt rubbery, unstable.

"What sorts of thoughts, my child?" He loosened the rope holding his robe together and dropped it on the floor...his erection bobbed against the loose fabric, and the brush of the rough material forced a low groan from him.

Carolyn's eyes were half-closed, and she peered at him through slitted lids. Her hand was buried deep inside herself, her hips pulsing to meet each thrust, and her the fingers of her other hand had crept up to flicker on her nipples, forcing them taut. The beam of sunlight moved across her body, rippling with her movements, glancing now and then off the steamy wetness of her, her smooth white belly, her lower thighs. "I think about hiding under the altar when you're saying Mass..." Her hand stilled its furious movement, lay for a moment quiesescent on her thigh, glistening with wetness. "And I'm giving you head...just very slowly...sucking you...and nobody knows I'm there..." Her tongue darted out, made a slow journey around the perimeter of her lips, withdrew. "And while you're saying Mass, I make you come, and nobody knows but me...and you're saying Mass, and coming down my throat...oooh!" Her fingers slipped into the upper folds of her vaginal lips, rubbed slowly. "And after everyone has gone home, you bring me back here and you fuck me...all night...." Her fingers disappeared inside her, and her eyes closed for a long moment, and she said, "Come and fuck me, Father."

He dropped the robe, kicked off the archaic leather sandals, and flipped her roughly over onto her back. Her firm buttocks thrust into the air, and the warm wetness between her thighs beckoned. He slid over her, cradling her body with his, and taking his swollen cock in his hand, rubbed the head of it between her lips, slipping into her and then withdrawing.

"You have to fuck me," she whispered urgently, her naked white back defenseless on the narrow bed. "You *have* to - do it!"

He slammed into her with a groan and a force that lifted her hips off the bed. Carolyn shrieked, her arms spread, and clutched the sides of the mattress. The Doctor felt like he was drowning in heat and wetness, and the throbbing lust that had blossomed in his belly seared through him. Each thrust and slide tugged him closer to release, set up a delicious tension. He was hammering savagely into her, his cock sliding in the wetness of her, between her thighs that were slicked with her own moisture.
He slipped a hand underneath her, fingers seeking her swollen clitoris, rubbing, tugging....

A boiling surge ripped through her and Carolyn screamed, thrust herself back onto his swollen cock, and in the same instant time hung suspended as the Doctor collapsed against her back, gasping. Carolyn felt his wetness fill her, mingle with her own, felt the aftershocks twitching through her body as the throbbing subsided.

The Doctor was aware of her naked back, his cock still buried deep inside her, his hand caught between her thighs. He hadn't thought himself capable of this level of sensation, but thankfully, he had been mistaken.

Carolyn turned over, disengaging him from her, and pulled him down on top of her. She kissed him deeply, with a certain affection. "Wow..." Her voice was hushed, reverent. "I'll have to program you again!"

The Doctor had no opportunity to respond as he felt the tell-tale tingle, and vanished.

Carolyn sat up, disappointed. "My God! Where did he go?"

* * *

Several days later (having returned to Sickbay, thankfully unseen) the Doctor was in his office preparing some drug samples for Kes to test, when Lieutenant Carolyn Seward came in for a slight sprain. She'd never been in here, not since the start of the voyage, since she'd never had need to, and had chuckled when the Captain had told her about the Emergency Medical Holographic Program. "He's very able, Carolyn. Treat him as you would any other physican."

How able could it be? Seward was a hologram. Probably just barely functional in a diagnostic sense. Thank goodness her injury was nothing serious.

The Sickbay doors slid open, and Seward stepped cautiously inside, looked around. A petite blonde woman sat a high counter, running samples through an analyzer, and when she saw Seward, looked up and smiled. "Oh, hello! I'm Kes. How may I help you?"

"Ummm...I'm here to see, hologram-thingy. I hurt my wrist."

Kes smiled....'hologram-thingy' indeed... "I'll get him for you." She went to the door of the inner office, were Seward could see the figure of a man, bent over a terminal. "Doctor, you have a patient."

"Hmm?" The Doctor glanced up at Kes. "What did you say?" His dark eyes were intent had he been on his work, that he hadn't even heard her.

Kes smiled. "You have a patient. A woman with a sprained wrist."

"Fine. I'll be right there." The Doctor shut off the terminal and went out into Sickbay. Oh God...

It was her....the woman from the holodeck...the woman he'd--

Oh God, Carolyn was him, the simulation from the holodeck, the one she'd--

"How is this possible?" She peered at him. "I programmed you as a simulation."

The truth of it struck him immediately. "No, you did not. You programmed *a* simulation...I had been having trouble with my magnetic containment field, and each time I lost molecular cohesion, I appeared in the holodeck, the only place on board besides Sickbay that is capable of supporting a hologram."

Seward was stunned into silence for a long moment. "Then you and I---"

The Doctor nodded curtly, unable to meet her gaze. "Yes."

Seward stepped a little closer, stared intently at him. "You're a sentient hologram."

"Yes, I am." He directed the stunned woman over to a biobed, ran a scanner over her wrist with practised ease. "You have only a slight sprain here." He fastened a regen brace around her arm. "This should help. If you have any pain, come in again and Kes will give you something."

Seward studied him, her gaze lingering on his dark eyes, his wide, sensual mouth... She could still recall the way he'd felt inside her, the intensity of his kisses.... 'One damned sexy hologram' she thought. She hopped off the biobed, touched the regen brace thoughtfully, then looked up at him. "Thank you...Doctor. For *everything*." She cast a smile over her shoulder as she walked away, leaving him befuddled in the middle of Sickbay.

The Doctor tagged his commbadge. "Sickbay to Janeway."

"Janeway here."

"Captain, my holographic emitters still have not been repaired---"

He lost cohesion...

When he reformed this time, he was standing in the middle of a large field of green, on which a diamond shape had been marked out in white chalk. Men in grey uniforms were standing at various stations around the diamond, and it appeared as if some kind of ritual were in progress. The Doctor seemed to be in a large outdoor auditorium of some kind, and the seats that were ranked around him, innumerable rows upon rows, were filled with people.

"Where the hell am I?"

" better move, Mister."

Huh? He turned to see a fat man in an odd-looking metal mask. "You're on the plate, buddy! Now move!"

The Doctor stepped back, shocked by the man's total lack of courtesy. He watched as another man, wearing the same grey uniform as the others, walked towards him with a long stick in his hand. "Excuse me." The man smiled and raised the stick to his shoulder, and the Doctor jumped hastily away. Were they going to attack him?

"He's going for high on the inside," the fat man said, and the man with the stick nodded and smiled. The Doctor noticed a name, just before he faded out, written on the back of the man's grey jersey, and wondered if it was a rank designation: Molitor.

Oh hardly mattered now.



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