Characters/Actors involved: Jennifer Garner/Sydney Bristow, Jessica Alba/Max,
Eliza Dushku/Faith, Kim Possible, Daphne Blake, Phoebe Halliwell, Piper
Halliwell, the girls from 'Totally Spies', Sarah Michelle Gellar, Peter
Perfect, Fred and Shaggy
The first two parts of this story are over at CSSA; the contents of this tale
are fictional. The real people as presented in this story are not intended to
be portrayed as they are in real life. The fictional characters used are the
properties of Bad Robot, Disney Enterprises, Hanna-Barbera Cartoons, Kuzui
Enterprises, Marathon Animation, Mutant Enemy Inc, Sandollar Television,
Spelling Television, TF1, Touchstone Television and Twentieth Century Fox
Film Corporation, and are used here purely for fantasy purposes. The content
isn't meant for under-18s, and any comments to go to
[email protected] or to the message boards.
...Make Me Feel So Damned Unpretty Part 5: Something Wicca This Way Comes
by Victor Field (MF,MMF,FF,FFF,cons,oral,anal,fist,reluc,humil,mast)
Kim Possible says "Previously on '...Make Me Feel So Damned Unpretty'":
While Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Eliza Dushku, Sarah Michelle Gellar,
Kirsten Dunst (turned into a cartoon girl called Anna) and Brittany Murphy
(turned into the Road Runner) find themselves trapped in a world occupied
by the characters they and many others play on TV, in movies etc., most of
their characters are, one by one, replacing them in the real world - helped
by three stunning new actresses who aren't what they appear to be, in a plot
headed by Penelope Pitstop of all people. (And seeds of doubt are starting
to be planted among some people.) Kirsten's being helped by WOOHP agents
Sam, Clover and Alex, but they have their own agenda; the Charmed Ones are
getting involved with a beautiful new witch who bears more than a passing
resemblance to Jessica (who - as Max - is about to appear on the show in the
real world); and Miss Alba's just found out that teenage sex story writer
Howard Johnson is more involved with this than even he thinks. Now read on...
* * * * * * * * * *
It had been a year since the Manticore escapees had made Terminal City their
home. Today was the anniversary of what some had called Freak Nation, but
what Max called home. Or the place she HAD called home, until half an hour
As she tore through the Seattle streets towards the city borders, away from
all she had known, all she could think of was her final meeting with Logan...
and the day had started so well. She had gotten some good news; at last a
cure for the virus that was keeping her and him apart was being put together.
Now it wasn't IF she could ever be with him again, but WHEN. Knowing that she
had a reason to keep going got her through the day, and as she drew up her
motorcycle outside Logan's place, she knew it would keep her going until that
happy day arrived.
"Hey there, Lone Ranger," Max beamed as she slinked into his room. "Another
hard day of saving the world..."
Her voice tailed off. Logan was there, all right; but he was in the shower.
But his bed was occupied by a woman about Max's age, with black hair and
Amerasian features, and wearing nothing but an evil grin.
"He thought I was dead too," Brin sniggered.
"What the fuck are you - "
"Let's just say I can give him something you can't," she interrupted. "I've
been giving it to him for a while as well... I sneaked back into Seattle not
long after you chained me up, disposed of Asha and helped him get over it.
And you." Brin grinned at Max again.
"Well, when I tell him what I've got to say he's never gonna stick himself
inside your traitorous cunt again," Max replied. "LOGAN! I've got some big
Brin was up in a flash and threw Max to the floor...
...and Howard shook his head, scanning through the rest of Will's story. Brin
beat up Max, Logan arrived, the two of them explained to Max that they were
through, and Brin lived happily ever after with Logan, leaving Max to flee to
Canada. The end.
"Let's face it, Brin was the real star of the show," Will had added in the
"Yeah, and the Hilton Sisters have huge tits," Howard said to himself, prior
to deleting it.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Why are you calling me Sydney?" she asked. "I'm Jennifer."
"Don't play with me," Scott told her, still clutching her hair. "I didn't
think it was true either at first, but just then it clinched it for me."
"I know how Jennifer gives head; she's had a lot of experience. I know her
technique... and you're not her. Not that I didn't like it," he admitted,
"but you're not her. Plus there's the whole business with my dick."
Sydney looked at it. It was still toony, but towards the end of the shaft it
started to turn normal again. "Your point is?"
"If you really were Jennifer, you wouldn't have left it alone like that."
"But I didn't - "
"I meant you behaved like it was normal," Scott pointed out.
"Well, it IS normal where I come from..." Sydney tailed off, realising that
she had just crossed the line.
"So Weatherly was right," Scott said slowly. "He rang me up before I went out
and got smashed... told me that Jessica Alba was behaving a bit too much like
she was still playing Max for his liking. He joked that she thought she was
Max - well, I thought he was joking. But then Jenny disappears and comes
back, and after Jessie went and came back..."
Sydney shook her head in sorrow and got off the bed. "If I told you what was
going on - "
" - I wouldn't believe you? Hell, try me."
Sydney thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Do you have the Disney
"Yeah, we like 'Lizzie McGuire.' But I haven't got time for cartoons,
Bristow," Scott replied, amazed at how quickly he'd gotten used to talking to
his wife's fictional alter ego.
"I think you'll have time for this one," she countered, going over to the TV
set and switching it on. While she searched for the channel, Scott slapped
his erection to get it to go down and leave his mind alone; whether Sydney
Bristow or Jennifer Garner, a toned and sexy butt was still a toned and sexy
* * * * * * * * * *
Tracy Ryan and Max faced each other on their hands and knees, their faces
glowing with delight. Behind Tracy, the director was thrust his meat in and
out of her; he was bellowing her name out loud as he stuck himself as far up
her box as he could. Always stiff on seeing her, he was almost crying with
joy on being inside her tight cunt; Tracy was playing with his prick by
squeezing her pussy around it, making it harder for him to go all the way in
or out. Not that he minded staying inside her - not since that glorious night
with Michelle Branch had he so enjoyed being inside a woman. In fact, it was
almost as good as his usual choice of bedmate - maybe he really was bi
instead of just experimenting with women...
Tracy needed her hands on the ground to keep from falling over, but she
could still kiss Max, whose sublime body was jacking back and forth with the
thrusts from Faith's arms. Max was getting opened in both doors; Faith had
her right arm pushed deep inside the transgenic's flawless ass, and her left
hand was working its way into her plump, hot pussy. The Slayer had done this
with Kennedy once upon a time (and rumour had it that Willow had gone to
another world when Kennedy tried it one night - the student outdoing the
teacher?), and she had loved it; but Max was gasping like a locomotive,
feeling Faith twirling her fingers inside the cramped space of her snatch
and making her beg for orgasms. Max screamed in joy as Faith's right fist
slowly moved back and forth in and out of her bunghole - bigger than any
cock she had ever had, she felt as if she wouldn't be able to walk for a
week after this.
But if she had Tracy's soft lips on hers, she could take the bedrest. Max
placed her tongue inside Tracy's mouth, and the two kissed repeatedly as
their lovers ground away behind them...
"How is that possible?" Jessica Alba asked, transfixed by the sight of Eliza
Dushku - she had to keep telling herself it was FAITH - cornholing her (she
still couldn't believe it was Max there; first season Max, happily, but still
Max). "And does that kid know?"
"Not yet," Tara replied. "He doesn't know the power he holds as a Fan. That's
a Fan with a capital F."
"I kind of guessed that."
"Actually, if he had chosen to write about someone else, things could have
been different," Daphne continued. "It all depends on how much influence the
Creators exert; because Rockne didn't have as much to do with 'Farscape' as
David Kemper did, if he'd done stories about Aeryn Sun and Chiana getting it
on we'd be seeing Claudia Black and Gigi Edgeley together. Or if he was a
fan of Nigella Lawson and 'Star Trek,' he could have gotten her and Kirk
Jessica might have thought that sounded mad even a couple of hours ago.
"Same thing with you," the redhead continued. "Now that your show's been
cancelled, the control over what happens to the characters isn't in the hands
of Cameron and Eglee - it's in the hands of people like Howard here."
"He's a longtime writer of fan fiction," Tara chipped in. "He's been doing it
since around the age of 7; nothing much at first, but he got better - and the
more he wrote, the more power he got in this world. He's experienced enough
so that he's one of the Fans who actually wields influence around here. I'm
sure you know that a lot of fans write their own stories."
"Tell me about it," Jessica said. "Some of them even sent me stuff."
"The power the Fans have depends on how much control the Creators have, but
even the more hands-on types like my Joss can be affected by the Fans' power.
And since the Slayer has a lot of Fans, they can affect what happens here."
"But my show didn't have the same fanbase," Jessica told Tara ruefully.
"True, but you certainly have your followers. And one of them's affecting
what happens here," Tara pointed out thoughtfully. "But he can't affect both
places by himself - if he can change what's happening in the real world, he's
got to be having help."
"From whoever it was that made the Jump there first."
* * * * * * * * * *
The van carrying Clover, Sam, Alex, and Anna pulled into the courtyard and
juddered to a stop.
"Showtime!" Penelope Pitstop chirped. "Time for you to meet your friends."
"They aren't my friends," Sarah said sullenly, looking at the open window.
The memories of the past few days all came to the fore; for every nice one
(she didn't mind sucking off Bobby Hill that much) there were too many bad
ones (she wished she could wipe out the memory of Pitstop here firing that
gun pointblank into her face; she had only been dead for a couple of
seconds, and there wasn't the slightest sign to suggest anything had
happened, but...). Sarah knew that there was nothing to stop her running to
the window, leaping out, and hurling herself to the cobblestones far below.
Nothing except for the fact that around here, she would just bounce right
back again. That was what made it so bad, and why their methods were so
effective - they could never torture you to DEATH here, they could just keep
going on and on and on forever until you told them what they wanted to know.
And the worst thing was, Sarah would have told them if she knew...
"Come on!" Sarah Michelle Gellar was hustled out by - no, she told herself
she wasn't being manhandled by Bert and Ernie. She wasn't, she wasn't, she...
Well, if she was, no time like the present... "So," she said, conjuring up a
grin, "is it true that you're gay?"
* * * * * * * * * *
"You're a lot shorter than I thought you'd be," Jessica said to Kim on
"It's TV, it adds five inches," La Possible answered. "Haven't seen you in
"I never got a chance to thank you for finding that hairdresser," Daphne told
"No big," Kim replied. "Anyone behind a hair day that bad had it coming."
"Your hair isn't that bad," Jennifer pointed out.
"She means the style she got for 'The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby-Doo,'" Tara
She cast a spell, and Daphne's hair, to its owner's horror, reformed itself
into that hideous cut. "UUUGGGHHH!!" gagged Jessica and Kim together, as
Jennifer wrinkled her nose and waved her hands in front of her face.
"That was pretty scary, yeah," Tara agreed, restoring it as the WOOHP girls
arrived, their friend in tow. The smiles disappeared immediately as Kim and
the trio faced each other.
Clover glowered, Alex slitted her eyes, and Sam glared at Kim, who looked
from one to the other in turn. There was going to be blood shed before
long... and it wasn't the first time they had crossed swords.
"Drakken says hi," Kim said tersely.
"You...!" Clover howled, and prepared to fling herself onto Kim, as a horn
sounded "Dixie." Instantly she and the others halted, and faced the Compact
Pussycat as it drove towards them, Penelope at the wheel waving to them,
Sarah Michelle Gellar tied up behind it and being dragged along.
"Don't go shedding any blood just yet, darlin'!" called Penelope. "We need
to get all the players here - why, as I live and breathe, the last one just
arrived... isn't that just great timing?"
Fred and Norville had brought their van into the courtyard, and were
escorting the Road Runner arm in arm - arm in wing, actually. He was putting
up quite a fight, going "Beep beep! Beep beep!" without a pause, but the men
had successfully ignored his pleas, and had now brought him to join the
Daphne avoided the glances of Fred, focusing purely on their companion.
She'd seen the buzzing bird before, but there was something different about
him this time, and not only that he'd been caught. She studied him - beak,
feathers, eyes... that was it. His eyes... They were still live-action.
"Have a look at that," she said to Jessica. "Look at the eyes." Jessica did,
wondering what she was supposed to be looking for.
The Road Runner stared right back at her and "Beep beep!"ed plantively, and
it hit Miss Alba in the midst of the introductions Penelope was making
(despite the plethora of "We've met"s). On top of all the other revelations,
this one was one too many - her mind buckled under all the weight.
"Brittany...?" was all she could say before fainting.
"Brittany?" Sarah Michelle repeated. "As in Spears?"
"As in Murphy," Norville replied. "Apparently Kirsten wasn't the only person
to change when she came here."
"Tell us about it, Shaggy," Daphne said.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!"
* * * * * * * * * *
The water woke Jessica up. Warm water, not stinging thankfully; she could
feel a tiled floor. She must have been taken to a bathroom and left there to
recover... yeah, she had to have been drinking. Must have been a helluva lot
though to have been imagining she was talking to a bunch of TV characters...
"I thought you were never going to wake up," beamed Tara, standing over her.
The oddly lovely witch's hair was dripping down over her head near Jessica's
eyes. "Better get up, they're going to be cleaning us now."
"They?" Jessica asked as she got up, and realised she was naked. So was Tara.
And so, as she looked around, were all the others. The chamber they were in
was large, with jets coming down from sprockets throughout the ceiling.
"They give us fifteen minutes to wash ourselves, then they send in people to
scrub us just to make sure," the witch explained.
"Because they want us really pure for later," Clover explained, staring at
Jessica and Tara. As well as Sarah and Jennifer.
"What's wrong?" asked Jennifer, the least self-conscious of the live women.
"Haven't you ever seen naked women before?"
"Not like you we haven't," Alex admitted. "We're not used to seeing women
with tits that small. Around here they're generally built more like..." she
indicated Kim Possible and Daphne Blake, standing directly under a jet and
humming to themselves. Kim's breasts were big and perky the way only toons
could be, and her tummy looked even hotter without a shirt, but it was the
older woman who really caused the mouths of all the live women there to drop
open in admiration.
Daphne had a body that could only have been designed by a man; tiny tiny
waist, fantastic legs, and a crimson bush that made even the most hirsute
of the ladies there (Jennifer, in case you were wondering) start to dribble.
And as for those breasts... Sarah looked down at her own tits and felt sick
with jealousy. Those things she had on her were massive.
"Please don't let her have a good ass, please don't let her have a good
ass..." she thought to herself, as Daphne handed the soap to Kim and asked
her to rub her back. Sarah bit her tongue to stop herself howling in envy;
she DID have a good ass. She had a great ass, in fact. And Kim was rubbing
it. SMG and Jennifer Garner stared at the two toons in fascination, watching
Kim move her hands up from Daphne's rump to her boobs, and rub her head
against her back, purring contentedly.
"So you want a piece of animated ass?" Sam asked Jennifer, getting in the
way of their vision. "Admit it, you're curious aren't you?"
Jennifer had to admit that she was.
"Well, you'll get all you want," Alex continued, and judo-flipped the tall
actress onto the tiles. "But you're getting it on our terms."
"And don't go calling to the Dark Angel," Clover added. "She's busy..."
Jessica was indeed busy; she had been urged to the floor as well, and had
been lying prone there when Tara began her work. Jessica was still lying
flat, but she was no longer on the floor... she was hovering several feet
in the air, her hair and arms dangling down and the breath escaping her in
quick, excited bursts. She was afraid and yet thrilled at what was
Tara had been the recipient of one such magical cunnilingus from Willow when
the musical demon had hit Sunnydale, and now she wanted to make Jessica
complete as much as Willow had her. Jessica had been reluctant, but the witch
had pointed out that now that she was dead by the rules of the Buffyverse,
Miss Rosenberg was off limits; and Tara was tantalizing her in other ways.
Peering down her levitated body, Jessica could see Tara's large, kind eyes
looking at her through her cut-down pubes and hear the contented murmurs as
she delicately ran her tongue and lips through Jessica's cunt.
If you had been looking under Miss Alba, you would have seen her buttocks
start to be kneaded, as if there was someone invisible under her squeezing
away. Jessica moaned as she felt her butt be manipulated, and gasped as she
saw her breasts start to move by themselves - Tara couldn't touch her with
her hands or the spell would be broken. Jessica watched captivated as her
nipples stood out... she could actually feel something brushing them. Her
pussy was tingling away with Tara's devoted mouth - but Tara had stepped
away from her, looking at her lovingly.
Yet Jessica could still feel her pussy being worked on... she felt herself
rise a little further, and let her head lie back as she waited for the end
Kim was facing Daphne now; they kissed deeply before the teenager buried her
head between Daphne's jugs, but Miss Blake had her hands on Kim's tits. How
Ron could hang around with her and not try anything had puzzled many of
Daphne's contemporaries; OK, they were smaller than her own, but whose
weren't around here? Daphne liked how pliable La Possible's boobage felt with
the soapy water on them; she ignored Kim's mumbles as she spread one hand on
her tight behind and the other between her legs. Velma, Shmelma - now here
was a girl it would be fun to eat out... Daphne began to lick Kim's beautiful
body, wanting to make it all count.
Jennifer Garner looked from one WOOHP-ass to the other. The girls were
standing with their backs to her, their hands on their cheeks and spreading
"You want some of this? You clean us out," Sam ordered.
Jennifer picked up the soap reluctantly.
"With your TONGUE!!!" the girls chorused in glee.
"You can put the soap on it first if you like," Clover added.
"Gee, thanks so much," Jennifer said ruefully. But there was no way out of
it... she worked the soap into a lather, and smeared as much of it onto her
tongue as she dared. Jennifer was willing to eat ass, and had done so on a
number of occasions, but... she faced Alex's butt, and gagged.
"Come on, Garner! It won't clean itself..."
They were Totally Spies, and Jennifer got on with the show. Sarah Michelle
Gellar couldn't help but smirk as she watched Jennifer apply her soapy tongue
to Alex's rump and scrape around. This made up for the fact that she was the
only one there without a partner...
"Pardon me, miss, but it's time to begin the scrubbing."
Sarah felt Peter Perfect's hands land on her shoulders.
* * * * * * * * * *
Eliza Dushku was in the position of being with two guys, not for the first
time. Penelope had agreed that she could forgo the shower chamber as a reward
for getting out of the machine, but she still needed someone to watch over
her in case she tried to escape, despite Eliza pointing out that she didn't
even know how she got here in the first place.
But for the moment, she was focused on avoiding Shaggy's stubble as it rubbed
her face; she was kissing him while Fred slid his cock back and forth between
her cheeks. She took care not to call him that; it brought up images of
Jamaican rappers. And meanwhile, Fred's rod was wanking her butt like
Shaggy enjoyed playing with Eliza's lovely biggish tits; it was great to be
with another woman after all those years of Daphne. He kissed each one over
and over before pressing Eliza's hand against his crotch; she needed no
urging to take out what was inside. Eliza grinned at how much bigger his was
than Fred's. "Come on, Norville," she growled sexily, "I'll give this a good
Feeling Fred's twig of a prick jerking away, she put Shaggy's cock between
her boobs and began some wanking of her own. She instantly felt a lot hotter
than poor Fred could ever make her. "Now isn't this better than any Scooby
Snack?" she cooed, as she saw the head of Shaggy's prick start to let its
cum drip out.
"Like, yeah...!" Sometimes he forgot himself and went back to his old self.
He howled like his canine friend as Eliza's tits worked around his prick,
and stared at them, wanting to jack off over them, dying to make them all
slippery and shiny with his juice, wanting to shove it into her mouth, her
snatch, heck, even her behind if Cravat Man would ever get through...
"WHOOOOOOO!!!" Eliza yelled; Fred was finally getting somewhere. As thin as
his cock was, it meant that at least she didn't feel like she was being split
open this time when he pushed it into her backside. But boy, she wished it
On the other hand, these cartoon guys had some weird anatomy... they were all
lying flat, but Eliza's ass was receiving Fred without her needing to bend -
it was his prick that was bending, following her fundament without any
problems whatsoever. And as she watched Shaggy's cock start to shoot between
her tits, she began to wonder if going back up there was really such a good
* * * * * * * * * *
"Is this really such a good idea?" asked Phoebe.
"Well, calling a taxi is a lot easier than waiting for the bus," Piper
pointed out, "and I can't ask Paige to orb us there all the time."
"No, I mean this whole situation... when Ashley comes in, we'll talk."
"Talk about what?" beamed Ashley, freshly returned from the store.
Ashley's smile disappeared. She had a feeling that this time would come, but
she had hoped it could have been delayed for as long as possible... she set
down her shopping and sat down next to the sisters. "Let's get it over with."
"Look, Ash... you know how we all feel about you. Even Piper. We love you,
and we love living here, but..."
"But the house in San Francisco is our house," Paige continued reluctantly.
"It's been in the family for generations..."
"It's our base," Piper added. "We can't just dump it for anyone. Not even
"I understand," Ashley said quietly. "You have to leave."
"You could come with us," Phoebe suggested. "We've got the room..."
"But this is MY home," Ashley pointed out. "I can't abandon it any more than
you can leave yours. Plus... I'm expecting her to come any day now."
"Expecting me," a new female voice answered Paige.
With surprise on the faces of the Charmed Ones and surprise and recognition
on Ashley's, the four women turned to see Melissa Gabriel. A slim blonde in
her teens, she was on the verge of blossoming into a truly beautiful woman;
she and Ashley had been separated for years after her big sister had sent her
away in a bid to keep Smoleg from coming after her. Now that it was safe, she
had alerted her that they could be reunited, even though Melissa had insisted
time and again that she hadn't needed to be sent away. And she still did that
"And who are these strangers?" Melissa asked.
"They're not strangers," Ashley told her. "They're damn near part of the
family - if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here."
"Just doing our jobs," Piper told her. "Piper Halliwell-Wyatt."
"Melissa Gabriel," the teen replied, liking Piper on the spot, but reserving
judgement about the other two. "You wanna tell me what all this is about you
not wanting to leave?"
* * * * * * * * * *
"So let me get this straight," Scott said to Sydney. "Jennifer's stuck on the
other side of the screen with all the other characters? With Kim Possible?"
"Sort of, yeah," Sydney replied. "And Shego's up here disguised as Ellen
Devereaux - she's on my show now as Harriet, she's a spy who - "
"Hey, hey, hey! No spoilers!" Scott laughed, forgetting the situation for a
"Fair point. Anyway, Shego sent Garner into the other place, just as Alba and
the other women she was shooting with got sent over as well. They can still
swap back as long as the Threesome doesn't take place."
* * * * * * * * * *
VELMA: Yo Hojo.
ALBASSEXSLAVE: What's up, Velma?
VELMA: I've been talking to you and Will for a while now... how about we meet
up? I've gotta know if you look as good as you write.
ALBASSEXSLAVE: Guess we could sort that out. I bet Will would love it.
WILL: Yeah, I would. Drop us emails and we'll work out a meeting.
VELMA: I've got a friend who's seen some of the stuff you do - she can't wait
to meet you.
WILL: If she's anything like you, it'll be our pleasure.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Oh, darn it!" Peter twittered.
Sarah wasn't having too good a time either; of all the guys to get partnered
with, she had to be with someone who sounded like friggin' Snagglepuss
("Snagglepuss sounds like ME!" Peter had told her, miffed. "And I'll thank
you not to draw comparisons between me and that homosexual feline...").
And now there she was, having been scrubbed clean by the handlers, and being
held up all soapy and disinfected as Peter thrust into her, clinical and
precise... but not getting anywhere. He tried his hardest, but he just
couldn't get the job done. His dick hung there limp, as useless as an episode
of "Filmation's Ghostbusters."
"Hey," SMG suggested. "If you're having trouble getting stiff, think of
someone you DO want to poke. Just get it over with!"
An image of Penelope Pitstop atop Betty Rubble floated into the driver's
head. Both he and Sarah stared at his penis - even around here they never got
hard that quickly. He beamed, grasped the tiny blonde and was about to enter
when a bass drumroll was heard, punctuated by the sound of a hammer striking
metal twice. Peter let her go, and bowed his head reluctantly.
"What was that?" Sarah asked.
"That thing at the end of Jack Webb's shows," Jennifer explained, spitting
the rinsing water out of her mouth as the WOOHP girls watched. Their assholes
were as clean as Garner's mouth had been dirty.
"Yeah, that too," Daphne agreed, "but it's the alarm. We're wanted."
She and the others, all cleaned up, were hustled to the changing rooms to get
* * * * * * * * * *
Scott just stared at Sydney, as she finished explaining what was up.
"And you DON'T want this to go ahead? But if you did, you'd win..."
"Yeah, I know," Sydney agreed, as she started to get dressed. "But some
things have to stay the way they are, even if we don't want them to. Besides,
Jennifer belongs up here... too many questions. Like how come I don't
It was true. Scott had surveyed all of Sydney's naked body; unlike Jennifer
Garner, there wasn't a single battle mark to be seen anywhere. Sydney had
asked him to hit her as hard as he could - he had obliged by whacking her
across the face with a chair, but he might as well have used a feather.
"I'm due on set soon - you get some rest, and see if you can find Weatherly.
The two of you will need to keep a close eye on Max, and I'll try and control
Scott nodded, thankful he had married her and not Fran Drescher. Two Nannys
running around the place would be hell.
* * * * * * * * * *
As well as being gorgeous, Tracy liked to be nice to anyone who recognised
her; the hype surrounding her in "Silencers" was growing, and anything she
did to build up her image could only help her upstage her co-stars. It was
the start of a busy day, and she had to spend a lot of it in front of a
green screen pretending to be fighting while hanging on outside a plane that
would be added at Industrial Light and Magic, or Sony Pictures Imageworks,
or [oh please no!] Rhythm & Hues, or whichever one of the 20 companies that
would be rushing to do all the effects shots so the movie could be in cinemas
But now she had just seen off a small bunch of boys who all recognised her
from "FHM" and wanted her autograph (she could have given them more, but they
were all too damn young), and now she needed to get a cab...
Tracy saw a hand beckoning her from an alleyway, and quickly ran into the
alley, knowing that Ellen was there.
"Aren't you supposed to be on set? On set in New York? On the other side of
the country? Away from ME?"
"We're here to do the effects shots," Tracy explained. "It'll only be for a
couple of days."
"Well, keep out of sight," Ellen told her. "You know what happens if people
see us both together, or if we even get together."
As she spoke, Ellen's features started to change into those of Shego; but
Tracy was hardly bothered, because she herself was starting to change. Her
black hair became blonde, her body became trimmer and tighter, and her
voice changed into a higher pitch, sounding like she was from Texas.
Unbeknownst to either, Gabrielle Union was watching the pair from the
rooftop, her tailing of Tracy having paid off. She willed herself not to
shout on seeing Luanne from "King of the Hill" standing there chatting
to some green-tinged lady...
* * * * * * * * * *
"If this works," Ashley told Melissa with her eyes shining, "I'll be your
Phoebe gazed at Ashley with love in her eyes, as did Paige and Piper. The
three sisters stood in the attic of the Halliwell house, holding hands in a
circle with Ashley, whose love was the binding force amongst them, in the
centre. It had been Melissa's idea to blend the three Charmed Ones and Ashley
into one being - that way they could be together forever, and never have to
part. Plus, they would make one kick-ass witch.
"Hand in hand, heart to heart,
Hear us now, they shall not part,
One in four and four in one,
They shall stay till time is done."
Swirling lights began to form around the brunettes's bodies, and Ashley felt
her heart pounding as Phoebe, Piper and Paige became transparent, were
harmlessly stretched upwards and soared into the sky. As Ashley watched, the
three ladies flew down and entered her, and she felt herself multiply by
Ashley suddenly found herself slammed against the door. She felt her head;
she was okay, but that feeling she'd had a moment ago was gone. She looked
to the left of her - there was Paige, also intact, but looking equally lost.
To the right, dazed but unharmed, was Phoebe.
And straight ahead where Piper should have ended up... was a shattered
window. The Halliwells and Gabriels all had the same thought, and ran to the
window with that dreadful thought in their heads, expecting to see the
sweetest of the coven lying dead on the pavement outside surrounded by broken
glass. What they saw didn't make them feel any better.
The good news was that Piper wasn't lying dead on the pavement outside,
surrounded by broken glass.
The bad news was that Piper wasn't out there at all...
* * * * * * * * * *
Jessica looked at herself in the full-length mirrors; like the other women,
she was dressed rather flashily in a red and blue uniform. She was thankful
that she had the kind of body that spandex suited, but she still wanted to
know why they had her in this.
"Is it to your satisfaction, Miss?" asked the aide.
"Well, it fits me," she replied. "But - "
"Then let's go."
Small talk wasn't on the agenda around here. With no real option, Jessica
and the others trooped out into the sunlight, onto another part of the
castle grounds. This was a wide open space, normally reserved for parties
and suchlike, but today something different would be happening, and only
one side would be in the mood for partying when it was over.
"So did y'all enjoy your bath?" asked Penelope, standing in the centre of
"We sure did," Clover laughed, giving Jennifer a knowing look.
"Come over here, Buffy."
Sarah was escorted over to Penelope, remembering the last time she had told
her "My name isn't Buffy!" It had also been the first time she had been
"killed." She didn't want for it to be the cause of her having to go through
"Buffy here is a key player in this little game," Penelope began, clutching
the tiny thespian with more force than Sarah had imagined. "See, she was the
first person to get into this part of the world, and a lot of us want to know
how she did it, to kinda open up a bit of two-way traffic."
"I told you, I DON'T KNOW!"
"There you go, lying to us again," Penelope tut-tutted.
"Maybe she got here the same way we did," Jennifer told her.
"And how would that be now?"
"Ellen... Shego... whatever her name is, she attacked me in a ladies' room,
jacked me off, opened up this big vortex and sent me here."
"That's sort of how I got here too," Jessica added sullenly. "Me and Dushku
broke into Tracy Ryan's dressing room and Brittany was in this vortex
"So that's why she and Dunst changed!" Fred interrupted. "You said something
like this might happen..."
"Something like what?" Sarah asked.
"See, Murphy and Dunst have themselves a few little ties to the toons,"
Penelope explained. "Brit does the voice of Luanne, and Dunst was the voice
of - "
"Anastacia!" a suddenly pale Eliza interrupted.
It all hit her then. Kirsten Dunst had voiced the young Anastacia in that
cartoon... and that pre-Revolutionary Russian girl was the girl that Hathaway
bitch turned into when the three of them had been together. And if Shego had
been responsible for getting Garner here, then that little girl had pulled
herself and Dunst here. But why hadn't -
"Why wasn't Garner changed?" Penelope asked. "Maybe my boys should tell
"Kirsten was taken by that kid and turned into her; Luanne got to fuck the
woman who gave her life, so to speak, so Brittany would have changed into her
en route if blowfish here hadn't tried to rescue her. That's why she got
turned into the Beeper - she could have turned into anything, but Brittany
just happened to have her on her mind when she went in," Fred continued.
"Yeah, it's like when you dream, what's on your mind before you fall asleep
turns into what you dream about," Norville added.
"Beep beep! Beep beep!" Brittany replied, bounding up and down in an attempt
"But Garner wasn't done by anything related to her, so she's intact. So's
Gellar." Penelope whistled.
A large sword came twirling through the air, heading directly for them.
Penelope nudged Sarah - "That's yours."
"Yeah, like she'll catch that," Daphne cackled, and promptly ate her words
as Sarah caught it by the handle, and twirled it. It wasn't ALL special
"Excellent!" Penelope laughed. "Now choose which one of these ladies you're
going to kill first."
Sarah gaped at her, as did the others.
"See, it's part down to revenge," Daphne said, as Jessica stared at her.
"That awful movie you did was a disgrace to us all. Except for Scrappy-Doo,
"And don't think us and Nikita haven't noticed you stealing our thunder,
Garner," Sam added.
"But all you gotta do for us to forgive you and even let you go is chop one
of your little friends into Gravy Train dog food," Penelope finished.
"Look, I know it's not going to be permanent," Sarah argued, "but - "
"Uhhh... not quite. If one of US kills one of YOU it's not permanent; if one
of YOU kills one of US it's not permanent; but even around here if one of YOU
kills one of YOU you stay dead. You do it, you get to go free. You don't do
Penelope's smile disappeared as she finished. "Make up your mind, Buffy," she
hissed. "Who's getting it?"
* * * * * * * * * *
Piper felt dirt and rocks against her face as she came to.
When they had all taken up space inside Ashley, something had happened to
block Melissa's spell; whatever it was had driven them all apart, but
whatever it was had temporarily given Piper Paige's power of orbing -
blending them together had given them all each other's powers. It had also
blasted her clear out of San Francisco, and propelled her heaven knows how
far away to wind up on this hillside...
No, this wasn't a hill. It was the side of a sloping cliff. She had landed on
an outcropping that had been wide enough to hold her, and her luck continued
to hold when she looked around; it wasn't far to climb up. And Piper could
see the Castle up at the top. Somehow she knew she had had to come here -
there was SOMETHING she had to say...
Maybe she'd remember when she got to the top. The witch started to clamber up
to the Castle, racking her brains for what she had to remember.
* * * * * * * * * *
Gabrielle Union slathered the soap over her fine ebony frame, thinking over
what she had just seen. Of course, nobody was going to believe her - which
was why she wasn't going to tell anyone. The second she got dressed, she was
going to get herself back to base, and get herself out of this movie.
Dammit, she had dropped the soap. She reached down to get it, but before she
could touch it a pink hand snatched it away...
Startled, Gabrielle turned around to face two intruders. Both nude, both
attractive, and both angry.
"Did you really think we didn't know you were following us?" Shego chided,
twirling the soap in her hand.
"You know 'Once you try black, you never go back'?" Luanne asked, slamming
Gabrielle up against the tiles before she could run out. "Once you try toon,
you're up on the moon."
"Try harder," Gabrielle parried, trying to escape, but finding the two harder
to get away from than she had thought.
"Too bad you can't tell your friends about this," Shego added, stroking Miss
Union's bush as Luanne picked up the shower attachment and lowered the head
towards their captive. "Tell Jennifer Garner I said hi..."
(To be continued on CSSA.)