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From: Shelby Bush ([email protected])
Subject: PORNO TV: Green Acres [rerun]
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories
Date: 1996/07/06


PORNO TV, THE CLASSIC TELEVISION PORNOGRAPHY NETWORK, PRESENTS
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| \____| | (Z (Z | | | | (_ | (Z _| |
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| Original material copyright (c) 1995 all rights reserved |
========================================================================
This story is sexually explicit, and not suitable for children. If you
are under the legal age of consent, you are not supposed to be in this
newsgroup. Please delete it from your newsreader.

============================INTRODUCTION================================
Green Acres began in 1965, as attorney Oliver Wendell Douglas [Eddie
Albert] bought "the old Haney place" to fulfil a lifelong dream of being
a farmer, and he and his socialite wife Lisa [Eva Gabor] moved in. The
Hooterville community seemed a little "goofier" in Green Acres than they
had in the elder series, Petticoat Junction.

This story, and the sequel to follow soon, takes place in 1968 (before the
passing of Bea Benaderet).

Please note: I will not attempt to duplicate Eva Gabor's accent, so you'll
have to "hear" her in your mind as you read.

========================================================================
(let's all sing!)

[Oliver]
Green Acres is the place to be.
Farm livin' is the life for me.
Land spreadin' out so far and wide,
Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.

[Lisa]
New York is where I want to stay.
I get allergic smelling hay.
I just adore a penthouse view
Darling, I love you, but give me Park Avenue.

[Oliver]
The Chores!

[Lisa]
The Stores!

[Oliver]
Fresh Air!

[Lisa]
Times Square!

[Oliver]
You are my wife --

[Lisa]
Goodbye city life!

[Together]
Green Acres we are there!

==========================================================================

Green Acres: "Housework"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lisa Douglas luxuriated in her penthouse apartment; her bed, large, soft,
and round; and her loving husband snoring softly beside her. The scent of
perfume in the air masked the smells of the city around her, but she could
hear the traffic forty floors below her in the street: taxi's honking, a
far-off siren. She lay with her eyes closed, absorbing the atmosphere of
Manhattan...

The closet door slid open, reached the end of its track, and fell forward.
The sound of it hitting the hardwood floor raised both Oliver and Lisa to a
sitting position, and Lisa realized she was no longer in the City. She
blinked twice, hoping to return to the penthouse, but it was no use. She
was in Hooterville, and the woman in coveralls looking through the open
closet door was Ralph Monroe, the female "Monroe Brother".

"Oops, sorry," Ralph mumbled.

Oliver lay back down, and instantly began snoring again.

Lisa smiled, sweetly. "I should be used to it by now," she said. She
swung her legs over the side of the bed and fished for her slippers. As
she stood up, Ralph got a glimpse of blonde pubic hair before her nightgown
fell over her hips. Lisa slipped into her fur-trimmed robe, and stepped up
to the closet.

"Is there something I can do for you, Ralph?"

Ralph goggled at her. Lisa's full breasts were pressed tightly against the
lace of her nightgown, the nipples, readily visible through the lace,
looked like they were about half-erect.

"Me and Alf are about to start on the roof," Ralph said.

"Then I suppose I should get Oliver up," Lisa smiled, "if you are going to
be pounding over his head."

Ralph nodded, still staring at Lisa's bosom.

Lisa finally noticed Ralph's stare. She glanced down at herself, and
pulled her robe more tightly around her. She put her hand on Ralph's
shoulder, and with a glance toward the sleeping Oliver, pushed Ralph back
into the closet.

"Shhh," Lisa said, softly. She leaned toward Ralph, and lightly kissed her
cheek.

Ralph was startled, but recovered quickly. Her hand reached up and
caressed Lisa's breast through her clothing.

Lisa sighed, and pressed herself against Ralph's hand, her nipple erecting,
pressing against her palm. She leaned forward again, and kissed Ralph's
lips, a kiss that began softly, but became more heated.

Ralph broke the kiss after a hot moment.

Lisa drew back. "Later," she said, "after Oliver has gone to the
fields..."

Ralph nodded. She went out the back of the closet to the outdoors.

Lisa straightened her robe, held her head high, and stepped out of the
closet. "Oliver," she called, "time to get up."

..........................................................................

Oliver stretched and yawned. Now dressed -- shirt, tie, waistcoat and dark
trousers -- he stepped into the kitchen, where Lisa, in her nightgown and
robe, was just putting breakfast on the table.

"Scrambled eggs and sausage," she said.

He needed the identification. The mixture on the plate was mostly black.

He picked his way around the worst-burnt bits, thanking goodness that Kate
Bradley over at the Shady Rest had a carry-out lunch available.

While Lisa's back was turned, he scraped the remainder into his napkin,
stuffing the bundle under his vest.

"Coffee?" Lisa asked. Without waiting for an answer, she tilted the
coffeepot to his cup. A thick liquid, a cross between tar and molasses
started out.

"I think I'll pass, dear," Oliver smiled up at her. "I need to get working
on the back forty."

Lisa nodded. Oliver wasn't drinking as much coffee as he used to.

He stood, kissed her cheek, and opened the back door. Except only the top
half of the Dutch door opened. He caught himself before he bashed his knee
into the bottom half.

"See if Alf and Ralph can fix this today," he smiled back at her. He
opened the lower half of the door, and walked out into the back yard. He
put his head back through the door, and said "And don't forget to order the
groceries from Drucker's."

He stepped quickly over to the hog pen, and shook the napkin into the
trough. The one lone sow waddled over, sniffed at his offering, and looked
up at him with an expression on her face of "are you kidding?" and turned
away.

Oliver shrugged, and headed for the tractor in the barn.

...........................................................................

Lisa washed up the dishes, then wandered back toward the bedroom. She lay
back on the bed, stretching her arms back over her head, luxuriating -- as
much as she could -- in the softness of the bed.

The robe seemed too restrictive. She sat up and pulled it off; then
thought about it a moment, before pulling off the nightgown as well. She
lay back naked on the bed, enjoying the risque nature of lying naked in her
bed.

She looked up at the ceiling, and heard movement up above her, and almost
covered up, until she remembered Alf and Ralph were working on the roof.
Since she had already moved a hand toward her breasts to cover them, she
let the movement continue, until her fingertips brushed her left nipple.

The nipple responded immediately, growing in sensitivity as it tensed under
her fingers. She moved her other hand down her belly, slowly, until her
fingertips tangled in the blond curls of her pubic hair.

She slipped her fingertips further down, brushing past her clit, touching
her lower lips, a pearl of moisture just beginning to soften her slit.

She rolled her fingertips over her clit again, lifting her knees a bit, to
open herself up. She closed her eyes as she stroked her clit, thinking of
Oliver's tongue.

There was a sharp scrape on the roof. She opened her eyes again suddenly,
looking up at the stained, cracked ceiling. One of the cracks above her
seemed...dark.

She started to stroke herself again, her eyes looking at the crack, until
the sensations in her lower abdomen forced her eyes shut again. She
pressed her head back, arching her spine, as a small rush of orgasm passed
through her.

Another scrape on the roof.

She ignored it, concentrating on the wonderful ripples of pleasure passing
through her.

A crack; the sound of plaster falling... Lisa looked up. There was a new
hole in the ceiling about four feet from the crack she noticed earlier...
and dangling from the hole was a rather impressive, erect male organ. The
penis withdrew.

Lisa reached for her robe, looking up at the ceiling. She noticed that the
crack she had originally seen was now...lighter.

She pulled on her robe, and pulling it tightly around her, she plunged
through the closet, staring up at the roof of the house.

Near the peak of the roof, Ralph Monroe was prying on a loose shingle.

"Ralph, where is your brother?" Lisa called up.

Ralph shrugged.

Alf suddenly appeared over the top of the ridge, buttoning his overalls.

"Alf, where have you been?"

"R-right here, Mrs. Douglas," Alf stammered.

Lisa cocked her head. "Alf....?"

Alf hung his head. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Douglas. I'll fix your ceiling."

Ralph looked at her brother strangely. "Her ceiling?"

"It is a long story," Lisa said. Then brightly, she said, "I think it is
time for you to take a coffee break."

"Okay," Alf said, "but no coffee." Then to Ralph, he whispered, "I've had
her coffee..."

The two "brothers" climbed down.

...........................................................................

Oliver smiled as he rode his tractor around the field, the motor
putt-putting, his seat bouncing. It was only out here on his machinery,
out in his fields, that he felt truly like a farmer.

He made the turn that would lead him back around, completing his first turn
around the field... but where were the tracks from his disk?

He looked back over his shoulder.

"Damn," he said aloud. "I forgot to hook up the disk!"

...........................................................................

Lisa led the two "brothers" into the house. She closed the back door, and
went on toward her bedroom. Ralph and Alf followed her.

She sat on the edge of her bed, looking back at the mismatched workers.
"So," she said, softly, loosening her robe, "is all you two like to do is
watch?"

...........................................................................

Eb Dawson stretched and yawned. He swung his long legs over the edge of
his bed, glancing over at his alarm clock. He looked again. Damn! He was
late again.

He scrambled into his clothes, and headed for the house. He could hear the
tractor in the distance; Mr. Douglas was already out disking the back
forty.

He went to the house. The back door was closed. He pulled on the knob,
and it came off in his hand.

"Mrs. Douglas," he called. No answer.

He walked around to the side of the house, to the Douglas' bedroom window.
Maybe she was in bed... maybe naked... he smiled in anticipation.

He sneaked up to the window and peeked inside and gasped.

...........................................................................

Alf's coveralls were bunched up around his feet, his sizable erection
partially covered by Lisa's hungry lips.

She had removed her robe, and was kneeling down in front of Alf, leaning
forward, because Ralph had her nose buried between her asscheeks, her
tongue stretching forward to stroke Lisa's cuntlips.

Lisa began to stroke Alf's shaft with her hand, while her tongue rolled
over his cockhead.

"Oh my god," Alf muttered.

Lisa pulled back, pushing Ralph backwards as well. "Let's get into the
bed," she suggested.

Alf struggled out of the rest of his clothes. Ralph stood up and
unbuttoned her coveralls, and stepped out of them. She removed the checked
shirt underneath, and pulled off the boxer shorts she wore, standing naked
before Lisa.

Her breasts were anything but small, but they drooped slightly, having
never been contained by a bra. Her hips were wide, and there was a dark,
curly patch of hair, untrimmed and unruly between her legs.

Lisa smiled, and climbed into the bed. She gestured for Alf to kneel by
her head, and she grasped his cock. She spread her legs, and pointed for
Ralph to climb up between them.

Ralph did so, and leaned forward, running her tongue down Lisa's slit and
up again to her protruding clit.

Lisa turned again to Alf's cock, tickling his pisshole with the tip of her
tongue.

Alf leaned back on his haunches, his head thrown back.

Ralph noticed a change in the light from the window. Without raising her
head, she looked over toward the window, and saw a familiar baseball cap.
Eb!

...........................................................................

Eb stared at the three on the bed. "My gosh!" he thought.

He felt his cock stiffen, becoming uncomfortable in his pants. He reached
down to adjust himself, but instead, unzipped, letting his cock free. He
stroked it with his hand, slowly, as he watched.

He moved his head slightly, and he saw Ralph look toward him... caught! He
stopped stroking himself, ready to stuff his cock back in his pants and
run.

She raised her head, a sly smile on her homely face. She waved her hand--
a summoning gesture. Eb nodded.

He stepped around to the open side of the closet. Carefully, he slid the
closet door open, not letting it slide off and hit the floor. He stepped
up beside the bed.

Ralph glanced at him, and reached out her hand, grasping his cock. It was
long, but thin, and all hers. She stroked it slowly, her tongue still
occupied with Lisa's clit.

She raised her ass, and tugged on Eb's cock. He got the idea, and climbed
up on the bed behind Ralph. He placed his cockhead at the entrance to her
dark tunnel, and leaned forward.

There was an almost-audible pop as his cock slid into Ralph's pussy, and
she sighed before she redoubled her tonguing of Lisa's pussy and clit.

Lisa's efforts on Alf's cock were about to be rewarded, as Alf grunted
softly, his balls tightened, and a long stream of white slime flowed from
his cock. Lisa caught most of it in her mouth, a small droplet sliding
down her chin.

Alf slid off the bed, and sat on the floor, in a position where he could
watch the rest of the action. Eb was starting to pump slowly in and out of
Ralph's cunt from behind, while Ralph's tongue was busy against Lisa's
pussy.

Lisa gasped, the warmth of her clit spreading through her, as she felt the
first contractions of orgasm. She arched her back, pressing her cunt
against Ralph's face as she climaxed.

As her contractions ended, she pulled on Ralph's shoulders, pulling her
body forward over her. Eb pulled out and sat back on his heels.

Lisa kissed Ralph's forehead, then pushed Ralph over on her back. She held
Ralph between her own legs, so that Ralph's head was between Lisa's
breasts. Ralph raised her knees and parted them. Lisa motioned for Eb to
come forward, and he did so eagerly, his cock again finding its home in
Ralph's cunt, his mouth seeking Lisa's breasts and Ralph's mouth.

He began to pump furiously, but Lisa whispered, "Slow down."

He did, and hit an even, slow rhythm that Ralph began to match by tilting
her pelvis forward and back.

Alf, sitting on the floor, began to stroke his cock to life again.

...........................................................................

Oliver began the final stroke around the field with the disk; he would soon
be ready to plant this field. He looked around him with pride.

His stomach growled; it was nearly time for lunch. He began to think happy
thoughts about the Shady Rest and some good cooking. He looked over at the
house. There was no movement outside. Lisa must be staying in today...
and where the hell was Eb?

He made the last pass with the disk, and steered the tractor back toward
the barn, remembering to lift the disk from the ground as he passed through
the gate.

............................................................................

Lisa felt Ralph's body begin to shiver, as she pinched her nipples with her
fingertips. Eb looked about ready to burst, and as Ralph's body tensed,
and her cunt clamped around Eb's cock, he lifted his head with a grimace of
pleasure.

He held his breath as he came, his body jerking with each spurt. Ralph
moaned as she felt him filling her pussy with cream.

Eb collapsed on top of both Lisa and Ralph, and Ralph wrapped her arms
around him. They rolled together over to one side, his cock still firmly
held inside her.

Lisa slid out of the bed. She started to walk toward the door, but Alf
caught her by the leg. She looked down at him, his cock erect again, and
the pleading expression in his face.

"No," she said. "Once is enough."

Alf looked up at the bed. Ralph turned her head to face him. "Don't even
think about it."

Lisa turned and said, "Now, everybody back to work." She stepped in to the
bathroom and closed the door.

...........................................................................

Oliver parked the tractor in the barn, and looked back toward the house.
He saw Alf and Ralph climbing up a ladder to the roof.

He walked around to the other end of the barn and got into his car, started
the engine, and pulled out on the road towards the Shady Rest.

...........................................................................

Eb sauntered out the back door, after putting the doorknob back. He saw a
cloud of dust, as Mr. Douglas pulled out onto the blacktop road. He waved,
but he doubted that Douglas saw him. He shrugged, and headed for the barn
to feed the cow and the chicken.
...........................................................................

Mr. Drucker answered the switchboard.

"Oh, hello, Mrs. Douglas," he said, a smile in his voice. He always
enjoyed listening to her speak; her Hungarian accent intrigued him, making
him think of... raw sex.

"Of course," he said, grabbing a pen and paper. He had a mental picture of
Lisa Douglas up on that pole outside her kitchen window on the telephone,
and in his mind, he saw her clothing disappear and the pole transform
itself into a huge penis... his penis... In his image, she caressed the
pole lovingly...

"Yes, I'm still here, Mrs. Douglas..." he said, blinking the image to the
background. "Go ahead."

He took her grocery order, and agreed to have it delivered. The image
flashed in his mind again... hell, he'd deliver it himself...

He hung up the switchboard receiver, and began to hum a little happy tune.

...........................................................................

Mr. Haney pulled up in front of the Douglas house in his beaten-up truck.
He stepped out, and straightened his hat and tie, and stepped up to the
front door. He tapped on the door.

The door opened, and Lisa Douglas looked out. "Oh, hello, Mr. Haney."

"Good afternoon, dear lady. I happened upon a shipment of merchandise
today that may pique your interest."

Lisa smiled. Haney gestured, and she followed him to his truck.

He pulled down a windowshade, upon which was painted, "Haney Adult
Products".

"Adult products?" Lisa asked, cocking her head.

"The finest selection of marital aids, rubber goods and fetish items
available in three surrounding counties."

Lisa smiled. She didn't understand a word he said.

He tugged at the windowshade, and it rolled back up. He opened a door,
pulled out a drawer, and picked out a brown paper package. He handed it to
Lisa.

She opened the package, and pulled out a good-sized dildo.

"Oh," she said, "like the stores on Times Square..." She turned over the
dildo in her hand. "Interesting, but don't you have anything a little
bigger?"

Haney's eyebrow raised. He fumbled in the drawer again, and came up with
another package, unwrapped it, and handed it to her.

Another rubber penis, about twice as big as the first one.

"Closer," Lisa smiled, "but not quite big enough."

Haney grinned and winked. He walked to the rear end of his truck. He
opened another door, reached in, and pulled out a dildo that was four
inches in diameter, and two feet long.

He handed to Lisa. She weighed it in her hand and smiled. "Just the right
size."

She grasped it like a baseball bat, and began to beat Mr. Haney about the
head and shoulders with it.

"Get the hell out of here, you old, fat pervert!"

...........................................................................

Mr. Drucker turned as he saw Mr. Haney's truck speeding away in the other
direction. "Wonder what's got under old Haney's saddle?"

He pulled up in front of the Douglas house. He picked up the two sacks of
groceries, and walked up to the front door. Supporting one sack on his
knee, he tapped on the door.

The door opened quickly. Lisa had a big pink thing raised over her head.
Seeing Mr. Drucker, she quickly brought it down and hid it behind her back.

"Sorry, Mr. Drucker," she smiled. "I thought it might be Mr. Haney again."

Sam nodded. He'd felt like beating the crap out of Haney himself.

"Come in, please." Lisa opened the door wider, and Sam took the grocery
sacks inside, following her to the kitchen.

He set the sacks down on the counter. Lisa set her "bat" in the corner.

Sam glanced over at it. Damn if it didn't look like a telephone pole --
er, penis.

Lisa bent forward to reach into one of the sacks, revealing a great deal of
cleavage.

Sam gulped. He reached into his back pocket for his service pad.

"Er, Mrs. Douglas," he said, pretending to read his pad.

"Yes, Mr. Drucker?"

"I'm afraid you're a little behind in your payments for groceries."

"Oh? Well, you'll have to talk to Oliver about that."

"Weeell," Sam stalled, "I wonder if we might not come to an arrangement..."

"What kind of arrangement?"

Sam glanced over at the dildo sitting in the corner. He took a deep
breath. "Since you're a little behind in your payments, I might consider
taking a little behind in exchange."

Lisa cocked her head in puzzlement, then it struck her as to what he was
talking about.

"Oh," she said, then winked. "I think that might be arranged."

...........................................................................

Oliver pulled up outside the Shady Rest. On the porch, Joe Carson was
sitting in a rocking chair, whittling on a chunk of wood.

"Lunchtime, Mr. Douglas?"

"Exactly," Oliver smiled. He walked up the steps, and pushed open the
lobby door.
...........................................................................

Lisa slid a hand under Sam's balls, lifting them inside his pants, as she
wrapped an arm around the bald man's neck. She lifted her face for a kiss,
but it was not forthcoming. She moved her hand upward, feeling his hard,
thin cock through his trousers. She found the zipper pull, and tugged it
downwards, and fished inside, wrapping her fingers around his love tool.

She slid down his body, pulling his cock out, tasting the tip of it with
her tongue.

Sam put his hands on her head, stopping her. "No," he said, firmly. "When
I said I would accept a little behind, I meant a little behind."

He stood her up and turned her around to face the kitchen table. He pushed
her shoulders gently, and she bent forward over the table.

Sam pulled her skirt up over her back, revealing a pink pair of silk
panties. He bent down, tugging them down over her hips, giving him a
close-up view of her creamy-white ass. He let the panties drop down to her
feet, and she stepped out of them, then spread her stance.

Mr. Drucker straightened up, and reached over Lisa's head to the covered
butter dish. He removed the cover, and took a dollop of the soft butter on
his fingers, and transferred it to his penis, smearing it well with the
real dairy product.

He guided the head of his penis to her puckered anus, and pressed his hips
forward. With the lubrication of the butter, he entered her asshole
smoothly and easily.

"Oooooooh," Lisa sighed, "Mr. Drucker..."

He began to thrust, slowly at first, building to a higher speed. Lisa
reached down to stroke her own clit with her fingers, but Sam stopped her.

"Uh-uh," said Sam, shaking his head. "This is for ME."

His movement sped up, until his hips were slamming into Lisa's buttocks,
making a slapping sound.

He suddenly stopped moving, at his deepest thrust, his body tensing, his
head thrown back.... a long pause, then he burst inside her. She pushed
back against him, taking his spunk as deeply as she could inside her ass.

...........................................................................

Dust flew up as Drucker's pick-up pulled onto the blacktop.

Lisa watched him drive off with a strange little smile on her face. She
went out to the back door and called to Eb, who was pretending to feed the
cow and chicken.

"Eb," she called, "have you seen Oliver?"

"I think he went up the road toward the Shady Rest," Eb called back.

Lisa nodded. "And I bet I know why," she muttered.


===========================================================================
to be continued in "Petticoat Junction"
===========================================================================
comments/criticism: email [email protected]
public praise: alt.sex.stories.d
===========================================================================

    

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