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Friends: Ross's Revenge - What Monica Did Part Part 3: The Rift
(ref to: M+F,inc)
by Exintaris ([email protected])

Monica sighed and nodded. "It was bound to come up sooner or later," she said
in a resigned way. She went to dump what she was holding on the window seat,
then returned to stand facing the others, on the other side of the table.

"You have every right to ask me that," she said, looking at Chandler in
particular. "But I warn you guys, the answer may be hard for you to accept."

"You already said, you're a total slut," said Phoebe, who had gone to sit by
Rachel. "Just what did you mean by that?" Her tone was gentle, but her look
at Monica was very direct.

Monica wiped a hand over her brow, as if she was tired. "Okay, let me try to
explain," she said slowly. "It's all part of ... what has happened to me.
When you heard me on the tape, I hope you could tell I was scared, seeing all
these men coming up the stairs. But, well, I didn't think I had any choice.
I had to cooperate, I thought, because I'd probably get beaten up and forced
anyway if I didn't." She looked at them as if asking for understanding.

"Uh huh," said Phoebe neutrally, and Rachel nodded, though looking rather
unhappy. Chandler felt a pang of guilt that he had not been there to protect
Monica. But the anger he had felt when he had first seen her, yelling out her
pleasure, seeming to radiate sexual satisfaction, was still with him. She had
not looked like that for him in quite a while.

"But you didn't merely cooperate, did you?" he said rather bitterly. "When I
saw you, it looked like you were having a hell of a time."

"Yeah," said Joey angrily, "and you already admitted, you came from what Ross
did to you - you came on your own brother's cock!" He sounded disgusted.
"What's the matter with you, Monica? Don't you feel any shame? Yeah, and why
didn't you fight back at Ross more? You used to be tough."

Monica seemed to lose some of her self-possession. "Doesn't it occur to you,
I might have been in shock when Ross attacked me?" she flared. "It seemed so
hard to think what to do. It's easy for you to talk, Joey! I guess you can't
even imagine what it's like to be in such a position, to feel like you've
totally lost control of your life. As for shame," she snorted, "I've been
there and out the other side! Don't talk to me about shame."

"I've been in that position, or near enough, when I was in prison," Phoebe
said abruptly. She looked at Joey rather severely. "Don't be so quick to
judge, Joey."

"Oh Pheebs, has this really happened to you?" said Rachel emotionally, tears
coming to her eyes. She held out a hand to Phoebe as if to offer comfort.

"I did say, near enough," said Phoebe calmly, taking her hand and patting it.
"I sassed a boss con, and I had to pay. But that was only a few women, oh,
and the guard who let it happen." She looked at Monica rather speculatively.
"I wonder if you handled it the way I did."

"Why, how was that, Pheebs?" said Joey, evidently intrigued.

"Wait and see what Mon has to say," said Phoebe rather sternly.

Monica took a deep breath. "Well, like Joey said, I had already been getting
enjoyment from what Ross did to me - it seemed like I couldn't help it.
Maybe it was because I needed sex badly, but ..." She paused and looked at
Chandler. "I'm gonna be honest here. I think in the back of my mind there was
this feeling that I wanted to do something bad," she swallowed and looked
down, "to get back at Chandler - and at my mother."

Phoebe sighed, Rachel moaned a little, Joey muttered something angrily.
Chandler felt a deep pain, but said nothing.

"I'm sorry," said Monica in a low voice, still looking down. "I told you,
you wouldn't like it. Anyway, so I was already sort of ... sexually revved
up, and ... quite early on when I was ... doing stuff, I was in this
situation ... I don't want to go into detail, but I was having to handle a
lot of men all at once, including Ross again, and, I, well, I ..." She
stopped, and looked up at Chandler uneasily. "I'm really not sure I should
say this, now I come to it."

"I think I can guess," he said grittily. "It was the best time ever for you,
wasn't it?"

She nodded, with a look of what certainly seemed like regret. "Yes. In fact,
it was so good that, well, I couldn't help sort of wanting to get there
again. I never did, exactly, but after that I was enjoying it all so much! I
got into this kind of rhythm, taking them on, group after group ... It was
like I had been liberated, to give myself completely to something that maybe,
deep down, I had always wanted to do. It was ... total sex." Her voice and
expression were suddenly rapt, as if she was describing a mystical
experience.

Rachel looked at her in a way that seemed to combine disgust with a certain
awe, while Phoebe was nodding animatedly, as if a theory of hers had been
proved. "Yeah, that's what I did," she said. "I, like, totally went with the
flow, and it was so good!" She looked at Monica. "You did the best thing you
could, to get through it."

Monica shook her head, seeming almost dazed by the recollection. "I remember
feeling, I never wanted to stop."

Chandler felt ice in his heart. Monica had been right; this was awful for him
to hear. He saw that Joey was frowning heavily; evidently he didn't like this
at all.

"So, what you're saying, all women are sluts for being gangbanged if they get
the chance?" Joey said. "I just don't believe that."

Phoebe sat up straight. "No, that's not what I'm saying, you stupid boy," she
said severely. "I'm saying that if you're in this situation and can't get out
of it, one way to get through is just to make the best of it you can. But
what worked for Monica and me might not work for Rachel, say." She turned a
very sympathetic gaze on Chandler. "This must be hard for you to hear," she
said, "but you can get through it, too. Think about this: isn't it great that
you have a wife who is so strong mentally that she can handle something like
this without, like, totally cracking up?"

Chandler winced. Intellectually, he knew that Phoebe was right, but that did
not make it any easier to bear. Knowing that Monica, the woman with whom he
had exchanged all kinds of vows, with whom he had been so in love once, had
willingly had sex with a great number of strange men, and had taken great
delight in doing so, hurt terribly.

Monica abruptly went to sit down on the window-seat. Suddenly, she looked
really unhappy.

"I don't think I can be Chandler's wife any more," she said, in a voice of
sadness. "I don't think I can be any man's wife."

"Oh sweetheart!" cried Phoebe, and she jumped up and hurried over, to sit
down beside her and hug her. "Don't say that. Chandler will understand, won't
you, Chandler? You can forgive her, can't you? It wasn't her fault!"

"Be realistic, Phoebe!" said Joey angrily. "How could Chandler - how could
any man - go on living with a woman who's done stuff like that? I'm not
blaming you, Monica," he added hastily, "but I think you know this too, from
what you said."

"Oh, you just want him back!" Phoebe replied furiously. "You've always been
jealous of Monica - always wanted to go on having him to yourself." She
glared at Joey, who glared right back.

"That's not true," he growled. "I was the one who married them, remember. If
they could make it together, no one would be happier than me. But I don't
think Chandler can be expected to, to live with that."

"Guys," Rachel began uneasily, but whatever she had been going to say was
interrupted by Monica.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said that," she said quite strongly. "But this, what
I've gone through, has changed me. I don't think I can ever go back to being
what I was." She looked at Chandler. "I'm sorry, Chandler, really sorry." She
turned to Phoebe. "Bless you for what you said, Pheebs, but this was partly
my fault, and I must be prepared to pay the price, even if that" - she
swallowed, and spoke the next words a little shakily - "is the end of my
marriage." She paused, seeming almost to slump, then sat up straight again
and threw back her shoulders. "What we really need to decide now is how we're
gonna handle this, what we're gonna do about telling Carol and Susan, and,
and my parents. And another thing we need to think about: Rachel will need a
lot of help with Emma, with Ross not around any more."

Rachel frowned as she took this in. "Um, yeah," was all she said, but
Chandler could see that she was beginning to think over all the implications.

Chandler was feeling mentally exhausted, and finding it increasingly hard to
focus on what everyone was saying and how he felt about it. But he thought
what Monica had said made sense. "Look, we're all tired and overwrought," he
said quietly. "I think we should talk that over in the morning, when we've
had a rest. But there's one more thing I want to discuss now, because it's
important. Mon, I guess Ross didn't use a condom?"

"No," she said, frowning a little, as if not sure why he was asking, "nor did
some of the others, though most of them did, to my surprise."

"Well then," he said, "the first thing you have to do tomorrow is make an
appointment to get yourself checked over for diseases you might have caught,
even HIV infection. You should get a morning after pill too, as soon as
possible; by the time you found out whether you were pregnant or not, it
would be too late for a pill to be effective. But if none of that works and
you do get pregnant, you'll get an abortion, won't you, and we'll give you
all our support, won't we, guys? I certainly will, whether you and I stay
married or not."

Phoebe and Rachel murmured assent, but Joey looked rather sick and said
nothing. Monica's face took on a look Chandler knew well, that signified
total rejection of an idea he had put forward.

"Yes, obviously I must get looked at," she said. "But no morning after pill.
If I'm pregnant, I want to keep it."

"You what?" said Chandler in complete shock, sitting up straight to stare at
her.

"I want to see if I've become pregnant, and if I have I'm gonna keep it,"
Monica repeated steadily.

"But, but ... it could be Ross's," Rachel objected in an anguished voice.

"It would stand a very good chance of being his," said Chandler. "Surely you
realise that."

"I don't care," said Monica, trying to maintain her resolve in the face of
their mostly horrified expressions; only Phoebe still looked calm. "I don't
care if it's Ross's, or black, or what. You and I have tried for more than a
year, and gotten nowhere. I won't throw away the chance of a perfectly good
baby, just because of some old rules about incest."

"But, but ... how could you let Emma ... and Ben ... have a brother or sister
fathered like this?" said Rachel in a shaking voice. "Think of the scandal,
and how it will affect your parents. If you become pregnant, well, it will
show you can, and you can try again, in time. Please don't do this, Monica."

"If it isn't black, no one except us need know that it isn't Chandler's,"
Monica said.

"No way!" cried Chandler, jumping to his feet, feeling deep revulsion.
"Absolutely no way will I let my name be given to a child fathered like
this!" He ran his hand through his hair, feeling as mad as he had ever
been at Monica.

"I understand," said Monica quietly, "and I won't father any child on you if
you don't want it. But this is not negotiable."

"Then that's it!" Chandler cried, feeling anguish at her totally self-centred
behaviour, mixed with a very strong dose of the resentment that he had often
felt at how Monica always wanted to have her own way. "That would certainly
be the end of us! This is one thing you won't push me into, Monica! So maybe
you'd better think again." He turned to Joey. "You still okay with my using
your couch?"

"Why, sure, Chandler," said Joey, looking as startled as the rest of them at
his outburst.

"Goodnight, everyone," Chandler snapped, and stormed out of the room.

"I was afraid of that," said Monica quietly when he had gone. "But I won't
change my mind."

Joey looked at Monica, now with a more sympathetic expression. "I'm glad that
you don't wanna kill a little baby," he said. "But why not give it up for
adoption?"

Monica's face set. "Absolutely not."

Joey sighed. "Chandler's right, we've all had a rough time. I'm tired, and I
need to go to bed." He looked at Monica rather apologetically. "He's had a
whole series of shocks, Monica," he said. "Please cut him some slack."

Monica gave Joey a little smile. "I'm not mad at him, Joey," she said. "I
understand. But there is no way I can go along with what he wants, or you."

Joey nodded sadly and went to the door, where he turned. "Think how hard
you're making this for Chandler and the rest of us, Monica," he said.

Rachel now stood up abruptly. "Wait a minute, Joey," she said. She went to
get Emma's carrier, moving as if she was in a temper. When she came out of
her old bedroom, she looked over at Monica, her expression very angry.

"So you're bound and determined to have the baby," she said in a hard little
voice. "You don't care what effect it's gonna have on anyone else, even my
little Emma. Monica Geller wants a baby, and she doesn't care how she gets
one. Well, I'm sorry, Mon, but I can't go along with such selfishness! Night,
Pheebs." She went for the door, but paused at it and looked at Monica again.
"I never, never expected to see you turn into such a perverted slut! Maybe
one Geller's not much better than the other, after all." She almost spat out
the last words, then followed Joey and slammed the door behind her.

Phoebe heard Monica gasp beside her, and looked to see that her face was
contorted, as if she was in real pain. But it was only for a moment; then she
seemed to make her face calm again as she turned to Phoebe.

"What do you think, Pheebs?" she said, with only a slight tremor in her
voice.

Phoebe looked at her with a very serious expression and sighed. "I sympathise
with you," she said. "But I really sympathise with them too. You're expecting
an awful lot, Monica. Look - if this proves you can get pregnant, then that's
good. But I think you should get rid of it, and find a man who can give you a
baby, or even use a sperm bank like you once planned. Anything else is just
gonna cause so much trouble."

Monica shuddered at the thought. "I couldn't do it," she said fiercely. "If I
knew I was carrying a baby, I couldn't kill it."

"Then take a morning after pill and put it out of your mind," said Phoebe
sternly. "You could stand to do that, couldn't you?" She stood and stretched.
"Oh, I'm tired too, and I need my sleep. And you should try to get some.
We'll talk again in the morning."

They were all deserting her, Monica thought. For a moment she wanted to beg
Phoebe to stay, but she had her pride. "Yeah, but don't think I'm gonna
change," she said.

Phoebe sighed and shook her head. "I beg you, Mon, please think again. Things
are bad enough already. You wanna break up the whole group?" She shouldered
her bag, hesitated for a moment, then reached out and patted Monica on the
shoulder, smiling at her affectionately. "Night, Mon."

Monica forced herself to smile. "Night, Pheebs," she said. "See you
tomorrow."

* * *

After they had all gone, Monica collapsed on the couch and gave way to her
feelings. When it came to the crunch, none of them were completely in
sympathy with her, not even Phoebe, though she had come closest. And they
would go on arguing with her and each other, she could see it. She would
become a source of fights among the group. She wept harder at this fresh
evidence of the harm that Ross had done, not just to her, but to them all.

But she could not cry for long, she was too tired. She got up, intending to
go to bed, and took a last look around the apartment in the way that she
normally did. Noticing that the video was still switched on, she went to turn
it off, taking out the tape and tossing it aside.

Then, just as she was heading for the bathroom, the phone rang. She picked up
and announced herself unenthusiastically.

"Monica, how could you?" said her mother in a voice of utter fury. "I know
you've always been jealous of Ross, but this ... this ..."

"What has he told you?" Monica said, trying hard to keep her voice steady.

"That he found out you were cheating on Chandler, and to keep him quiet you
got him drunk and, and seduced him! But then, to be sure he kept quiet, you
threatened to tell a story of how he had assaulted and raped you! You even
hit him - he thinks his nose is broken," she finished in a tone of utter
shock.

"Well, mom," said Monica slowly, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, it's,
it's awful," her voice was shaking, she could not control it, "but what he
claims is the story I was going to tell is the truth, or, or part of it ...
and any marks on him are from Chandler and Joey hitting him, not me. You
just ask Chandler. He believes me, and so do the others."

"I don't believe a word of it," said her mother scornfully. "You can wind
Chandler round your little finger, and the others too. You're an utter
disgrace. Don't expect me to treat you as my daughter any more. But for your
father's sake I shall keep this from him. I shall just tell him that you had
such a dreadful fight with Ross over your cheating that you are no longer on
speaking terms."

Burning with a sense of injustice, Monica cried from the heart, "When did you
ever treat me like your daughter?" But her mother had put the phone down.

She burst into tears again, angry this time. Her own mother didn't believe
her, though that was not so surprising, given the way she had always favoured
Ross. She had to hand it to Ross: the bastard had moved fast and concocted an
apparently convincing story. He might have to do some more nifty footwork
when her mother discovered that Rachel would not let him near Emma, and she
might begin to wonder then, but that would probably take some time to come to
light.

Exhaustion, mental and physical, was claiming her. She staggered to her bed,
and just about had the strength to throw off her robe, pull back the covers
and fall in.

(To be continued)

    

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