The following is a work of erotic fiction, and is meant to be enjoyed as such by responsible adults. If the reading of erotica is offensive to you, or if it is illegal for you to read it due to the laws of your country/state/province/territory. Now would be a good time to leave.
In addition, the following is a work of erotic fanfiction, and is protected by the United States Supreme Court under Hustler v. Falwell. Again, though, if you feel as if you will be offended by this parody, now would be a good time to leave.
(Author's note: This story is a sequel of sorts to the movie "The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning", with Lacey Chabert playing the part of the soon to be introduced character of Lucy Verne.)
Codes: MF, FF, MFF, cons, first, mc(?)
Dukes Of Hazzard: Moonshine And Romance Part 1 - Chapter 1
You would have thought that the incarceration of his nephew Hughie would have turned J.D. Hogg so far off the Dukes that he would have no use for young Daisy Duke in his Boar's Nest. Such was not the case. Uncle Jesse and Boss Hogg had been partners/rival in the moonshine business and, truth be told, as long as J.D. Hogg himself didn't go to jail, there was a part of him that actually secretly relished the cat and mouse game between him and the Dukes. And while J.D. Hogg had no romantic designs toward Daisy (putting him in the distinct minority of the male population of the Hazzard County), she did make an attractive and commercially beneficial addition to the Boar's Nest.
Daisy, though, wanted a break from the Boar's Nest. It reminded her too much of Hughie Hogg, her first love. Unfortunately for Daisy, it was either the Boar's Nest or the farm. There just wasn't that much employment opportunity for an 18-year old girl in Hazzard. Daisy sure wished there was, though.
Even in Hazzard County, they warn you to be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.
Newly deputized Enos Strate was turning out to be more than Boss Hogg or Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane had bargained for. For one thing, Enos had zero immunity to the charms of Daisy Duke, whom he had been smitten with even before her recent transformation from frumpy to sizzling. For another, Enos was as honest as the day was long. Unless otherwise instructed, Enos had a tendency to do the right thing. In this case, the right thing was turning over samples of the recently confiscated jars of moonshine to the Federal Government (Boss Hogg's most recent scheme had been to become the sole source of moonshine in the county of Hazzard). The federal government dutifully turned it over to the Office of Biofuels, a joint project of the Department of Agriculture and the Department of Energy. They in turn turned it over to their rising star, 21 year old Dr. Jonathan Lee, possessor of a 189 IQ, three doctorates, and a stammer that appeared only in the presence of beautiful young women.
Not that Jonathan was a bad looking guy. Quite the contrary. He was a walking definition of 'boyish good lucks', with his lean, muscular build, ready smile, dirty blonde hair that always seemed out of place, guileless blue eyes and a certain clumsy charm. But Jonathan had been different since he had first started walking. Earning your first doctorate by the time you're fifteen is not conducive to good social skills.
When Jonathan got the moonshine samples, he dutifully began running tests on them. Within days, he put in paper work to take a trip to Hazzard County. Jonathan had found an energy potential in the Hazzard moonshine that was at least twice as high as normal corn ethanol. He had deduced it must be something in the soil of Hazzard. If he could isolate it, then perhaps corn ethanol wouldn't be the losing proposition he had always argued it was.
Jonathan quickly got his ticket from Washington to Atlanta and, after acquiring a van from the local federal carpool (done stammeringly; the clerk who processed his request was more than passingly attractive), Jonathan made his way to the Sheriff's department of Hazzard County to talk to one Deputy Enos Strate, who had sent in the samples in the first place.
"And what can I do for you, boy?" Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane tried to be intimidating as the young Dr. Lee walked in to the Sheriff's Department, his sizable stomach thrust out aggressively.
If Roscoe had been a beautiful woman, Dr. Jonathan Lee might have been intimidated (and things in Hazzard County would surely have been a lot different, with Bo and Luke Duke trying to be captured all the time!). As it was, Jonathan just raised an eyebrow as he flashed his credentials.
"I'm here to see one of your deputies, Sheriff. An Enos Strate?"
Roscoe eyed the credentials suspiciously, then looked up at Jonathan. "Don't reckon he's here. So why don't you just scoot on out of here and back to whatever government cubby hole you crawled out of."
Jonathan had been standing down officious bureaucrats since he was nineteen. He had faced a doctoral review board when he was fourteen. Rural county officials couldn't instill any more fear into him than that.
"Certainly, Sheriff. And please give my regards to the federal agents who will be visiting you shortly, asking why you are interfering in my research. I'm not quite sure who it will be. Homeland Security, Justice, F.B.I. There's always the question of jurisdiction, you know. But with oil prices being what they are, I'm sure whoever it is will be taking a dim look at your actions."
"Oil prices? Now, wait ... what are you here for, er ... Mr. Lee?"
"It's Doctor Lee, actually. Your deputy sent in samples of home-distilled alcohol from this area. Not to be overly optimistic, but if my research bears out, the corn grown in this area might be converted to a type of ethanol that would rival sugar ethanol. But I have to prove my thesis first. Now, if you could direct me to Deputy Strate?"
"Yes, sir, Dr. Lee. He's over at the Boar's Nest." Roscoe quickly gave Jonathan directions, and as Jonathan made his way to the Boar's Nest, Roscoe scurried over the County Commissioner's Office to confer with Boss Hogg over this latest development.
Jonathan's heart began to race as he entered the Boar's Nest. There were scantily clad women all over the place, but it was the waitresses in particular, with their tied-off T-shirts and short shorts, that were sure to bring a stutter to his voice. When Jonathan looked around, he quickly spotted Deputy Strate. He was an earnest young man talking to a brunette waitress, who was easily the most attractive woman in the bar. Fortunately for Jonathan, the young woman had left the deputy's table just as Jonathan was approaching.
"Awww, heck, I'm just Enos to everyone around here, but I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage, friend."
"Dr. Jonathan Lee, but please, call me Jonathan."
Jonathan and Enos, despite being from two different worlds, hit it off right from the start. Enos was actually an intelligent young man, whose earnestness and eagerness to please, coupled with the fact that law enforcement in Hazzard County was corrupted by the leadership of Boss Hogg and Roscoe, made people think of Enos as the county idiot.
Enos was actually quite observant, and those observations could be intuitive, if you actually stopped to talk to him. Most people didn't, though.
Jonathan's and Enos' conversation was occasionally interrupted by Daisy serving them. Daisy herself was intuitive enough to know to keep her interactions to a minimum, as this stranger was even more overwhelmed by her charms then Enos himself. What she did overhear, though, was fairly interesting, especially when the stranger talked about "onsite experimenting" and "local assistant."
"It'll be a small operation, Enos. I can pretty much handle all the tech work. I just need someone to help me who knows the lay of the land, so to speak. Don't suppose you would be interested in the job, would you?"
"Thanks, anyway, Jonathan, but Boss Hogg frowns upon us deputies moonlighting, and since I'm still on probationary status..."
Jonathan frowned. "Speaking of Boss Hogg ... Enos, I really want you to think about what I said. You could get your associate's degree online, and I know a lot of people who could put in a good word in for you to go to the Atlanta Police Department, after they got you a spot at the Police Academy."
"Well, I'll think about it, Jonathan, I surely will."
Jonathan nodded at his new friend, then put a few bills on the table to pay for his and Enos' meal, waving off Enos' objections. "Don't worry, I have an expense account."
As Jonathan left, Daisy came over to the table. "Who was that, Enos?"
Enos gave Daisy a bashful smile. "Believe it or not, Daisy, he's a government scientist, but just as plains folks as if he had grown up in Hazzard himself. He's going to come to Hazzard for a while to study the corn and soil. You might tell your cousins he's looking for someone who knows Hazzard to help him out, if they can both stay out of trouble."
Daisy thought she had overheard that this young man would be needing an assistant, but now she had confirmed it. "Well, what about me, Enos? I got better grades in science and math then Bo and Luke ever thought of doing. I even graduated salutatorian in our class! And I wouldn't mind taking a break from the Boar's Nest"
"Daisy, I would never argue that you aren't as smart as you are pretty. It's just that Jonathan would be even shyer than me around you. Anyway, how would the Boar's Nest ever get along without you?"
Daisy had noticed that the young scientist had gone into major stammer mode every time she had approached the table. But she was sure she could do a good job as his assistant, if she only could get by his bashfulness.
Meanwhile, the present manager of the Boar's Nest was on the phone with Boss Hogg telling him about how Enos and the stranger from Washington had been having lunch and talking for at least an hour.
And if that weren't enough complications, a friend of Daisy's from high school was planning to come to Hazzard to visit her.
As they say in Hazzard, it's not just the Morton Salt girl who gets poured on.
Things might move slowly around Hazzard County, but Dr. Lee's project had several factors to keep it moving at full speed. For one thing, an election year was coming up, and if Dr. Lee could find something that would make corn ethanol an effective biofuel rather than a billion dollar boondoggle, politicians on both sides of the aisle would be ecstatic. For another, Jonathan was a rising star who had a lot of people wanting him to succeed. So within a month, Jonathan was set up in Hazzard with a two-story triple wide mobile home. The mobile home in question had a state of the art laboratory, computer/communications center, as well as comfortable living quarters.
Of course, Boss Hogg tried to move in immediately, though he did try to do so subtly (well, subtle for Boss Hogg). Boss had a legion of nephews to draw on for his various schemes. For this scheme, Hogg basically wanted to find out everything Dr. Lee was doing and see how he, Boss Hogg, could put it to the most profitable use (for Boss Hogg, that is).
So almost within a day of Jonathan finally being set up, one Leon Hogg, escorted by Roscoe, presented himself at the gate of Jonathan's trailer (Homeland Security had put up a wire fence around Jonathan's trailer, complete with an automated gate). Leon presented his credentials to Jonathan (Leon had been a technical assistant at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory before being fired for incompetence and petty larceny from the vending machines) and, with Roscoe towering in the background, considered his selection as Jonathan's local assistant as a given.
The two Homeland Security Agents who appeared from the trailer and escorted Leon and Roscoe back to town (and had a very long, pointed discussion with Roscoe) convinced Leon that his selection was definitely NOT a given. Afterwards, the two Homeland Security agents then had a very long, pointed discussion with Boss Hogg that convinced him that Dr. Jonathan Lee was to be left out of his normal scheming.
So that left Jonathan to settle in and decide what was to be the best way to advertise for an assistant. As the Homeland Security agents drove back to Atlanta, secure in their knowledge that they had ensured that Boss Hogg and his lackeys would stay out of Dr. Lee's hair, Jonathan was calling up his only friend (so far) in Hazzard: Deputy Enos Strate. Enos told Jonathan that he would be glad to help Jonathan find a local assistant, just as soon as he was off duty.
* * *
Meanwhile, on the Duke Farm, Daisy was picking up the phone, not knowing that the caller was an old friend of hers, coming for a visit
So three visitors were about to have a big impact on Daisy Duke. Enos was on his way to help out Dr. Jonathan Lee; an old high school friend was coming to visit her in Hazzard.
And unknown to anyone, Leon Hogg had unwittingly left a 'visitor' in Jonathan's new Hazzard home.